Tantrums
by Neocolai
Summary: To the Solo family, he was Ben. To the galaxy, he was Kylo Ren. To Poe, he would always be the kid with the temper. Oneshot series. Some fluff, some h/c, lots of tiny!Ben. No pairings.
1. The First Encounter

**Disclaimer** : Neocolai does not own The Force Awakens or anything related to Star Wars/Disney/etc. (Which is probably a good thing, since I can't take Kylo Ren seriously...)

* * *

When Poe Dameron first met up with the kid, Ben was having _difficulties_. Difficulties insinuating an unfortunate mishap with tangled boot laces, to be exact. If Poe had known him better, or if Ben had been a little older, it might have been funny. The boy was writhing agitatedly on the floor, yanking savagely at laces which were so impressively knotted together that Poe could only guess one of the Jedi-in-training had decided to play a harmless prank.

Harmless enough, if the victim wasn't a child – a child whose eyes welled with devastated tears as he ripped his fingernails trying to tear the knots apart.

"Stop laughing!" Ben screamed when he saw Poe in the doorway. "It's not funny!" With a snarl he lunged at his boots, trying – and comically failing – to grip them between his teeth.

"Easy," Poe cautioned, sliding into the room when he realized the kid was about to bludgeon his head from sheer desperation. The Solos would never forgive him if he watched their son hyperventilate himself into a coma.

"Get away from me!" Thin fingers were turning purple as Ben twined the laces around his hands. He punched out instinctively and Poe staggered as an invisible blow struck his shoulder. Instantly Ben froze, still curled like a hogtied womprat. "I – I didn't mean to."

Well, at least the kid wasn't trying to strangle himself any longer. Huffing, Poe rubbed his shoulder briefly and knelt beside Ben, pulling a small blade from his pocket. "No harm done." Not even worth a bruise – thank goodness the miniature Jedi had only begun his training. "Hold still a minute and I'll get these off of you."

"They did it." Ben sniffled, blinking rapidly as he wiped a sleeve across his nose. "I hate them."

Some inner sense warned Poe that this wasn't the terminology a Jedi was supposed to use. He shrugged it away; the kid was too young to be corrected after a bullying incident. "Who did this to you?"

" _Them!_ " Ben emphasized in frustration. "Those stupid bandas that Master Skywalker initiated."

"Oh, _those_ guys." Poe wasn't away of any new trainees, but the new Jedi Order wasn't his business, anyways. He sawed through another lace, saying noncommittally, "Yeah, they're real bullies."

The anger drained from Ben's expression and he straightened, focusing intently on his benefactor. Had Poe chanced to look up, he might have seen worship in the boy's eyes.

One last hack and the knotted laces fell away. Poe grinned as he slipped the too-tight boots off Ben's feet. "There; problem disentangled." He wanted to smirk at his own joke, but now didn't seem to be the time.

"You didn't laugh." The somberness in Ben's eyes was unnerving. It was like the kid saw more in life than he ought, and had decided the vista wasn't appealing. "The others laughed. You didn't."

"Well, I…" Poe coughed softly and retrieved his knife. "There wasn't much to laugh at. Clearly it was bothering you."

Ben nodded. Dark eyes scrutinized Poe until he felt as though he was reporting to his mother after crashing her ship. He was relieved when Ben looked away. The boy's lower lip trembled as he assessed his boots. "Father won't be pleased that I ruined another pair."

"Another?" Poe chuckled sympathetically, only to receive a dark glance from Ben.

"I already lost one in the mud yesterday. Don't laugh."

"I'm not – I'm not laughing." Poe rubbed a hand over his mouth, eradicating all signs of mirth.

Soberly Ben retrieved his boots and rose, cradling them to himself. "I should tell Father, I suppose."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Poe wasn't sure what kind of trouble could be gathered from a ruined pair of boots, but Ben looked worried. Besides, someone should tell Master Skywalker about the prank.

"No. I don't need your help." Ben's lower lip wobbled again. He heaved a sigh and trudged into the hall, stocking feet scuffing on the floors. On an afterthought he turned. Sincerity shone in his eyes as he stated, "Thank you. For not laughing."

Chestnut eyes were indiscernible, but Poe imagined he could read more in that impassionate face. _Thank you for not telling the others. For helping me. For acting like you care._

The thoughts were only Poe's paraphrase. He quirked a smile, uncertain how to respond. Ben didn't spare him another glance as he strode down the hall, shoulders braced like a tiny warrior. _Must be the Solo genes,_ Poe figured. Kriff, the kid had a temper.

Glancing at his chrono, Poe bit down an explicative and raced down the opposite hall. Han Solo wouldn't be the only one railing at irresponsible youths if Poe was late for another flight test. He had already missed the morning inspection…


	2. Destructive Tendencies

_Ben - Age 7_

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The second time Ben displayed his awestriking temper, he'd somehow laid ahold of his uncle's lightsaber. Poe was on his way to the dining hall, his stomach clamoring that it had been neglected too long and who needed extended practice rounds on the flight deck, anyways, when the hall erupted in a clamor of voices and groaning steel. Sighing, Poe predicted his dinner would be held off a while longer.

"What's happening?" Poe asked a communications officer, steadying him as he stumbled out of the room.

"You tell me!" the officer shouted back. "Someone find General Solo – tell him his brat's out of control."

Ben's inarticulate screams echoed behind the swish of an energy blade. Poe closed his eyes and blew out softly. The communications officer cursed. "There's invaluable equipment in that room! Someone pacify that kid before – "

Poe could hear his mother's voice in his head, lecturing him about sauntering where even fools feared to tread and how he'd loose his front row of teeth due to sheer arrogance one of these days. Clenching his hands apprehensively, he shouldered past the adults and slipped into the communications hangar. Green energy illuminated Ben's bared teeth as he attacked the control hub. Bracing his hands before him, Poe slid past smoldering debris and said quietly,

"You done?"

Black hair flicked as Ben whirled to face him. He clutched the lightsaber double-handed, sucking in each breath. Poe waited.

"Watch out!" one of the officers called. "Cadet, get out of there!"

Shoulders heaving, Ben continued to stare. Poe let his hands fall to his sides. His fingers brushed the blaster on his right hip and he flinched when Ben did, yanking his hand away. _This would have been a good time to forget my weapon._

"So…." Poe spread his hands again, wary of the twitching in Ben's shoulders. "Who talks first? You talk first? I talk first? Take your time; I've got all day."

The kid whooshed a sigh and relaxed. The lightsaber tip dragged on the floor before he shakily turned it off. "You're the one who…." His eyes narrowed and he straightened. "You never told me your name."

"Uh, Poe. Poe Dameron." Lightly Poe saluted, earning a 'you're-a-freak-you-know-that-right?' look from the tiny Jedi. "So…. You seem upset."

Ben's hand clenched and Poe feared for the unhampered computer console. "You can tell me anything you want," Poe said hastily. Glancing back at the onlookers, he drew closer to Ben and crouched beside him, whispering in assurance, "No one else needs to know."

The antagonism fled Ben's stance. He rolled Skywalker's lightsaber between his hands and said in a low voice, "Mother can't come home tomorrow."

"Oh." Poe blinked uncertainly and tried to appear understanding. "That's unfortunate."

"She promised she would be here," Ben choked. "She promised!" He bowed his head. There were no tears to fall, but his voice carried them.

"To...morrow was a special day, then," Poe guessed.

"She said she would be here for my birthday," Ben whispered.

"Oh. _Oh_." Tiny-Tantrums had a reason for his behavior, then. Not that damaging property was excusable for any age, especially when their only communications hub was involved, but there was an interior motive. Poe stepped closer. "Did she say why?"

Ben's hair slid to hide his face. "She said she had to prepare an unexpected scout patrol." Fierce dark eyes shot up. "But she promised!"

"I… I understand that," Poe said soothingly. He rubbed a hand over his jaw and wished he had listened to his stomach instead of his instinct. He hadn't signed up to be a counselor for miniature, lightsaber wielding, hostile warriors. "I'm sure she didn't expect to be late. She's leading a rebellion; problems happen all the time."

"She could have chosen!" Ben lashed out. "She said she would spend time with me on my birthday! It's her fault!"

A wave of unseen light told Poe that Luke Skywalker was now present. He tracked Ben's frightened glance towards the door, where his uncle leaned against the entrance. Coolly Luke raised his hand.

"Ben."

Shamefacedly Ben slogged past Poe and offered the lightsaber. Luke retrieved it solemnly.

"We'll speak about this later. Apologize to the commander."

Ben scuffed his feet, murmuring an apology that Poe couldn't hear. Feeling awkward, Poe stood and brushed himself off. The computer sparked unexpectedly, as though lecturing where his mother could not.

"I know, I know," Poe muttered by habit. _Rushing in where even fools fear to tread._

"Cadet," Luke called. Poe turned and the Jedi scanned him briefly before stating, "Thank you for spending time with my apprentice." He nodded over his shoulder. "The dining hall should still be open. You have time."

Poe's stomach spoke for him as he shakily grinned. Ben was intently studying his charred sleeves when Poe passed through the crowd. On afterthought he swiveled on his heel and announced, "I'll teach you how to play holochess tomorrow – if you're not otherwise occupied."

The astonishment in Ben's eyes told him the kid's birthday wouldn't be wholly despondent after all.

 _And with any luck…_ Poe's thoughts turned to the dining hall as he scampered, _They'll still have nerf steak when I get there._

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 **Thank you to Sayichi, NotSoJollywood, and Space Opera Singer for reviewing last chapter!**


	3. Sulking

_Ben - Age 7_

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Not all of Ben's tantrums were quite as explosive – or even noticeable. The only indication to Poe that the tiny Jedi was upset was when he saw Ben thrashing on a couch outside the medcenter, failing to achieve a comfortable position. With a frustrated punch at the cushion below his head, Ben flipped onto his side and heaved a sigh.

"I know you're there," Ben said dully.

Poe approached from the side, scuffing his feet intentionally. No need to spook the kid by suddenly appearing beside him. "Waiting for someone?"

Ben huffed. "It's the only place where people will leave me alone."

That sounded familiar. Poe settled down on the armrest above Ben and wrapped his hands around one knee. "Mom and Dad getting to you?"

Ben flopped onto his back and rolled his eyes. "Mother grounded me because I 'misinterpreted my training'. It's her fault for being late. If she'd just kept her promise I'd never have – "

"I don't think she was upset that you were angry," Poe interrupted, remembering the flash of green piercing the communications console a few days ago. "Everyone loses their cool sometimes – even me." And ouch, those paddlings from his pa were memorable. Stealing the family cruiser because the academy refused his first admission? Not a smart move for an eight-year-old. A few years in training had taught Poe better, but his pa had worked a miracle in thirty seconds.

Poe had the idea the Solos didn't condone with the notion of spankings. Still, an obscured lecture never did any harm.

"You know that communications hub was the only way to contact your mom," he said quietly.

Ben became entranced with the details on his model B-wing.

"She arrived late the next day," Poe continued in the same soft tone. "She couldn't tell you because the only sound piece of equipment on base had been destroyed."

"She could have prevented it," Ben muttered. "Uncle Luke said people can always choose another outcome."

Running his tongue against his upper teeth, Poe took a slow breath. This was the crucial moment. He could yank the kid out of his blame tirade, or he could lose contact with him for good. Ben didn't seem to trust many people.

"You… chose to break off communication with her, then," Poe worded carefully.

"I didn't –" Ben's eyes narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You wanted to hurt her." Poe cringed as a mental rebuke slugged his conscience. _Smooth way to gain his trust, Dameron._ "I mean – you were hurting, and you … retaliated. In kind."

"I didn't want to hurt her," Ben defended ardently. The B-wing fell to the floor unnoticed as he straightened. "I was just….." He paused, fighting for words.

"So… what were you trying to do?" Poe asked. "That was a pretty strong way of expressing your disappointment."

"I didn't – I can't explain it," Ben said dismissively. "It wasn't to hurt her. I was just mad." He brushed his hair aside and a mask clinched in his eyes.

Sensing his presence wouldn't be welcome for much longer, Poe stretched and gave an exaggerated yawn. "Well, it couldn't be the worst reaction. I dropped my Mom's wedding rings in the Naboo lake after she stood me in the corner. I was scrubbing radiators for a week after that."

"You defied your mother?" Ben blinked in astonishment. For a moment the sparkle of adoration rose as he recognized a companion in his trials.

"Hey, I never said parents are the nicest people." Poe shrugged, daring to reach out and scruff the boy's hair. "But they are there for you."

Ben ducked away from his touch, and Poe added _doesn't like physical attention_ to the list of things he knew about the Solo kid. Retrieving his B-wing, Ben fixed Poe with a stern glare that was more cute than fierce.

"You should go back to your barracks. The academy has a curfew."

"Orders from a Jedi half my age? Woe is the life of a lowly cadet. Very well, then." Languidly Poe saluted, and for the first time Ben grinned. He had lost four upper teeth in the last month, which rather demoted the aggressive outlook he was trying to make.

 _Kid's gotta learn to relax,_ Poe thought with a sad note. _Does he ever play?_ With parents like the Solos, and an uncle who was a Jedi master, Ben was probably afflicted with constant expectations. _I thought it was bad enough when people thought my mom was a good pilot – like mother like, son, they always told me._

Small as he was, Ben was facing higher stakes.

 _Good luck to you,_ Poe thought as he watched Ben scuffle off, hopefully to his own room. _Can't wait to see what you grow into, kid._

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 **Thank you to JohnGilbertVampirehunter, Sayichi, Elleth of Mossflower, and Space Opera Flower for reviewing!** I'd like to respond to each of you personally, but the review response option hasn't been activated for this story yet. Thank you for your encouragement.


	4. Ben Solo Doesn't Need a Bodyguard

_Ben - Age 8_

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"I can take all of you! You're all filthy kung!"

Poe was supposed to be reporting to his flight commander – strike that, he was _supposed_ to have reported two hours ago. (Inadvertent naps were going to get him kicked out of the academy someday.)

But when he heard Ben's ragged screeches amidst the clunk of heavy equipment, Poe knew an extra fifteen minutes wouldn't make any difference. He charged into the room, half-incented to shout for help while suspecting that Ben would resent him for making such a call.

The young Jedi had fallen into a tangle, wires wound about his legs, a bruise forming on his left eyebrow. He snarled at a Mon Calamari who looked to be a year or two older, and swung a pike at the youth's legs. Two other children – one of whom Poe recognized to be the daughter of a Hosnian Prime senator – chortled when the Mon Calamari jumped clear and Ben tumbled onto his face. He thrashed his legs, shouting obscenities that only a child could invent, and lashed out a hand.

Poe leapt between them. "Ben, stop!"

The Force-blow punched his shoulder (the same one that had been bruised before, Poe thought ruefully), and for an instant Poe stood rigid, his arm trailing behind him. "Ben," he said, ordering himself to remain calm, "Let me go."

Horror shot through brandy eyes and Ben released him, clambering away from the dented coolant. The girl giggled and Poe glowered down at her. "All of you. Go home. _Now_."

His uniform was only an academy pilot's, but the children were too young to recognize anything save "professional". Nothing was more terrifying than the thought of an officer reporting to their parents. The trio fled.

Pursing a breath, Poe streaked a hand through his hair and turned back to Ben. The boy wrenched on the wires netting his legs with as much condescension as if they were a pair of tangled bootlaces.

"I don't need your help!" Ben said emphatically.

"You're cutting your hands," Poe warned. He dropped his knife beside Ben and settled back against the coolant.

Seething, Ben yanked the blade open and began sawing the wires, sucking his fingers whenever a live wire sparked. "I didn't need you," he stated, refusing to look at Poe. "I can take care of myself."

Burning cheeks and a split lip. The kid wasn't any more prepared for bullies than Poe had been at his age.

"Have they done this before?" Poe asked.

"None of your business," Ben spat.

 _Well, they won't again,_ Poe knew. The holonet footage would see to that. Dear little Hosnian Prime princess would be mortified once her father learned that she had tormented the Solo heir. Humiliation would make her think twice before she taunted another hapless child.

Once the last strand was ripped aside, Ben kicked free of the wires and tucked his arms around his knees, resting his chin on crossed wrists.

 _So, you talk first or I talk first?_ Poe waited.

"You shouldn't have interfered," Ben mumbled. "I'm a Jedi."

 _I should be better than this,_ Poe interpreted. "Well… even Luke Skywalker had to be rescued once or twice." At least, Poe assumed so – no Jedi could be invincible.

Ben's head snapped up. "Really? When? What happened?"

Poe's eyes darted. He hadn't expected the kid to call his bluff. "Uh…. Does your mom know where you are?"

Ben swore low: something in Corellian that he must have learned from his father. "She's gonna be so mad!" Scrambling to his feet, he shoved past Poe and skittered down the hall.

It wasn't until Poe searched the room much later that he realized Ben must have taken his knife with him. His first thought was to ask the kid if he wanted a blade of his own, then he shrugged the notion away. He could always buy himself another one.

Ben needed something to hold on to.

* * *

 **A.N.** "Kung" is Huttese for "low-life scum".

A couple of reviewers have asked how old Poe is. According to the timeline, he could be anywhere from three years to six years older than Ben. I pictured him as a young teenager when I began this story, so I'll run with the 6 years older notion.

 **Thank you to CrazedFangirl13, sofia313, Elleth of Mossflower, FoxfaceFan1, Space Opera Singer, and Sayichi for reviewing last chapter!**


	5. Counting Lessons

_Ben - Age 9_

* * *

"Poe, have you seen Ben anywhere?"

To be addressed by General Leia Organa Solo was an honor. To be requested personally for a mission was a privilege. To be held responsible for her son's whereabouts heralded disaster.

"Is he missing, General?" General, Your Ladyship, Your Highness – Poe was still confused about present titles and how they pertained to which monarchs of which galaxy. He was only beginning to cover the inner rim hierarchies in the academy. For now, General was the safest honorary.

Leia rolled her eyes. "They're still teaching that to kids? I haven't used ' _General'_ since the Endor battle. Yes, Cadet Dameron; Ben is missing and I'm told you do a decent job keeping an eye on him."

"I…" That was a new transition. Promoted to guardian or demoted to babysitter? Poe didn't think Ben would appreciate either. "When did anyone last see him, General? I mean, your ladyship – ma'am?"

"Stop trying." Leia patted his shoulder unconsciously and Poe wondered if he'd been adopted on a whim. "Just call me Leia – Ben's mother if you must."

"Yes, Gen – I mean – of course." Poe wet his lips nervously. His instructors had drilled into each class that to neglect a title was not only a sign of disrespect, but an insult. It was a difficult lesson to ignore. "Where was Ben sighted last?"

"The communications post," Leia said. "We were waiting for contact from the Falcon. The transmission was jammed; that's the last I saw of Ben. I think he's worried for his father."

Ben's eyes were dark and vibrant, clamping down any visible emotions. His mother's couldn't have been more incomparable. Swirling tides of brown, flurried with anxiety and doubt, captivated Poe and before he heard the words coming out of his own mouth he saluted and assured, "I'll find him, Ma'am."

"Thank you, Poe; I knew I could count on you."

He was too flabbergasted to realize she had neglected to call him 'Cadet Dameron'.

Stopping by his room in a daze, Poe retrieved his cloth helmet and the jacket that had belonged to his father. If Han Solo was missing, there was only one place where Ben could be at this time of night.

The hangar was as frigid as Poe anticipated. He rubbed his hands briskly, wishing he'd brought gloves instead of extra socks. One of the returning pilots reciprocated his salute as they passed one another.

"Ben, where are you?" Poe murmured, scanning the shadowed nooks. There. Curled in a corner near the hangar doors was a mop of untidy black hair and quivering shoulders. Poe ducked under an X-wing cannon and approached, deliberately scuffing his feet. He was halfway across the hangar when Ben's head snapped up and he wiped his eyes dry, looking up to Poe as though he was Anakin Skywalker himself.

"You're late," Ben accused. "Mother should have sent you sooner."

Well, that was a bit presumptuous, but then again, Ben expected much from the universe. The young Jedi squirmed aside just far enough that Poe could sit beside him without freezing his tailbone. As Poe had guessed, Ben had forgotten his coat – again.

"Here." Deftly Poe slung his oversized jacket around the child's shoulders. Ben wormed against him, and Poe suspected he craved more than a warm cushion. Leisurely he looped an arm around the trembling frame. For once Ben seemed to relish the contact. "Waiting for your dad?"

"He'll come back," Ben whispered shakily. "He'll come back…. Won't he, Poe?"

"I'm sure he's fine," Poe said blithely. _You'll be back, Mom? Won't you? Mom, where's Dad? You'll come back….._ Pushing the memories away, Poe plastered a confident smile. "The storm probably delayed him."

"What if you're wrong?" Ben accused. Dark eyes drilled into Poe, brimming with a passion he rarely saw in Skywalker's apprentice. "What if he's gone?"

So defiant. So easily accepting the truth. Poe had denied the reports until the bodies were counted. Until the shards of his mother's X-wing were uncovered. Until they found….

"We don't know yet," Poe said, his voice nearly inaudible. Mechanically he tightened his grip, holding on to the one capricious yet infallible constant in the entire base. Ben squirmed and jabbed an elbow into Poe's ribs.

"Get off, Dameron!"

"Did I lose the rights to my first name?" Poe quipped, plastering a smile as he ruffled Ben's hair.

"I'll see to it that Mother banishes you to a mynock-infested asteroid," Ben warned. He shuffled close all the same, his gaze riveted on the hangar door. "How much longer?"

"Close your eyes and count the seconds," Poe coaxed. "When you reach a thousand, I'll take you outside and we'll have a look around."

Ben's forehead creased at the notion of a silly game. Such was the trust in his most vulnerable moment, that he laid his head against Poe's shoulder and began counting. He began sliding at five hundred. At six hundred and fifty he let Poe settle is head in the cadet's lap. At eight hundred and three Poe took up the count, a young Jedi sleeping beside him.

At a thousand, five hundred and fifty-six, a hangar guard tucked a blanket around them both. Eight thousand counts later, the hangar doors opened. Scuffed boots coated with fresh snow approached the sleeping boys. Cracked, frosted gloves were removed as the general snorted fondly and brushed a hand over his son's forehead. Chestnut eyes cracked open.

Poe was awakened with a thwack to his jaw as Ben lunged into his father's arms. Ragged gasps were quickly hushed as Han bundled his son into his own thicker, warmer coat. "I've got you, Ben. I've got you."

Ben clung to him, uncharacteristically silent, ashen with untold fear. Han swung around and winked conspiratorially at Poe.

"He'll be fine," Han whispered.

Poe smiled shakily, lost for response. Silently he retrieved his coat and slung it over his shoulder, tiptoeing away.

"Poe said you'd be back." He heard Ben exclaim breathlessly.

"Oh, did he now?" Looking back, Han nodded after Poe in thanks. The cadet didn't dare glance over his shoulder.

 _You'll be back Mom, won't you?... Mom? ... Mom?_

 _Where's Dad?_

* * *

 **Egad, I have a full inbox to respond to. Y'all are the best!**

 **Thank you to hannahinthesky44, Space Opera Singer, ZeDancingHobbit, Nadreth, Sayichi, Begoogled, La Vik, CrazedFangirl13, FoxfaceFan1, and Chloris for reviewing!**


	6. Sugar is a Food Group

_Ben – Age 7_

"Young Master Solo, I must insist. You've eaten nothing but canron for the past three days. Your father has put me in charge of you, and it is against my protocol for any child to go hungry."

Poe was aware of the conversation before he could finish his second helping of fral. Scanning the crowded dining hall, he picked out a golden droid hovering over an unmistakable mop of black hair.

"I don't like it," Ben argued, stabbing a plate of green and brown. "C1-P7 lets me order canron."

"I was instructed to keep you in good health during your parents' absence, and I cannot allow you to exhaust yourself from jellies and sweets. Oh, dear. This is not going as well as General Solo promised."

"Save my spot, would ya?" Poe told the cadet beside him. Grabbing his plate, he disentangled himself from the bench and wove between tables until he reached Ben. The child had islanded himself at the one unoccupied table. He jabbed the plate of green and brown with his fork again, swirling it into an unrecognizable paste.

"Don't care for the rations?" Poe quipped as he slid into the bench across from Ben. "You can order anything you want, you know. That goop isn't suitable for a paddy-frog."

"Master Skywalker assures me that it is full of nutrients," C-3PO intercepted.

"I can't get canron," Ben grumbled. "Nothing else tastes good."

"Do try a bite," C-3PO entreated.

Dubiously Ben raised a tiny nibble to his mouth and scraped it with his teeth. Immediately he gagged and spat. Poe looped an arm around his fral as green spattered the table between them. _No hits? Still edible._ He flicked a dubious particle from his fork and dug into his food.

"Everything here is abominable!" Ben whined. He looked pleased with his big word. Surreptitiously Ben glanced over at Poe, who was scarfing down his supper before it could be assaulted again. "What's that?"

"Fral," Poe said around a mouthful. "Peasant fare compared to some of the Coruscant dishes, but I like it. Wanna try some?"

"It's not sweet, I suppose," Ben said resignedly. Gingerly he plucked up a cushnip crust between his fingertips and dragged it through the sauce. A dab with the tip of his tongue turned into an experimental taste, which burgeoned into a ravenous appetite as he crammed the cushnip into his mouth. "Can I ged some of dat?"

Poe snickered and waved to the serving droid. "Another fral for my friend, please … and one for me, too," he added as Ben leaned over the table to snatch another piece. It was fine. Poe was used to sharing with his fellow cadets. He could handle a kid snitching his dinner.

He blamed the commencing food fight on the golden babysitter.

* * *

 **Thank you to CrazedFangirl13, ZeDancingHobbit, Igeekthetudors, Begoogled, The-Splatoon-Rook 64, Chloris, FoxfaceFan1, Space Opera Singer, FreelyBeYourself, HelloVera, and guest reviewers Dude, Guest, and Levi for reviewing!**

 **In answer to Levi (Guest)'s question: Yes, this series will escalate to Ben as Kylo Ren.**


	7. Copycat

_Ben – Age 8_

The "Hero Worship" stage could be traced back a few years. Much later, Poe would wonder why he hadn't taken advantage of it and coached Ben away from his grandfather's legacy. At the time, however, Ben was newly eight and independent and Poe was trying to conquer second year academy exams.

He should have clued in when Ben gallomped into the room wearing a "borrowed" pair of pilot boots, a rickety blast helmet that wasn't fit for the garbage disposal, and a dented blaster that Poe was positive had been thrown against the wall after the last time Ben had been told he couldn't use it without his parents' permission.

The blaster had struck Poe's forehead on the ricochet. He'd narrowly avoided a bolt through the head, had bled a little on the carpet, and spiraled Ben into such a frantic fit that the medics assumed it was the boy who was injured.

The crush helmet and oversized boots warned Poe that this was another headache morning. Unconsciously he rubbed a finger over his eyebrow; a habit that never failed to ignite a response in Ben.

"Stop doing that," Ben stated. It was hard to tell whether the response was a plea or a command – upper gapped teeth had given him a recent lisp. "I said I was sorry. I didn't mean it."

Insecurity, then. No more tiny tantrums today – so Poe hoped. He slung his arm over the chair and quirked a smile. "Where did you get that helmet?" _Are those Captain Antilles' boots?_

"Found it," Ben said evasively. Poe twisted in the chair and braced both arms across the top. Sulkily Ben looked away and corrected, "I mean, I borrowed it from my uncle. He uses it for training."

"I can't believe you can see through that." Poe rapped his knuckles on the blast shield to demonstrate.

"I can't!" Ben boasted, puffing out his chest. "I'm trained in the Force. I don't need my eyes."

 _You mean the scuffle outside wasn't you walking into the door frame?_ Poe rubbed his knuckles over his mouth, muffling a chortle with an ill-timed cough. Ben scowled.

"It isn't funny. I know what I'm doing."

"Of course – mind if I ask, why the pilot's getup?" Poe waved a hand to summarize the tilted vest (which he knew his bunkmate would be missing in the morning), the discarded blaster, and (heaven forbid he forget) the gargantuan boots.

Ben shrugged. "You're a pilot. I want to be one, too."

"You want to be a pilot?" Flattered, and a little perturbed, Poe scratched his nose. "I thought you wanted to be a Jedi like Master Skywalker."

"I am a Jedi," Ben affirmed. "Uncle Luke's a pilot. I can be one, too."

"Hm, you're pretty decisive for your age." Another trait Poe was learning to associate with Ben. The child seemed to know his own future before his parents did.

"Don't laugh at me," Ben growled. "Your stupid bunkmate laughed."

"Hey, he's also my friend," Poe interrupted. "And I'm not laughing."

"Don't lie to me – it's not fair." Ben tilted the helmet visor with both hands and narrowed his eyes at Poe. "Uncle Luke can tell when people are lying to him. Soon I'll be able to, too."

"You make it sound like a threat," Poe said idly. He slouched back, glancing wistfully at his datapad. _Seven hours to study, sleep and get to the academy on time…._

"Not threatening – just telling," Ben established. "I wouldn't test my powers on you, of course – you're too nice."

"Glad I have that insurance." Poe twitched a smile, unfazed when Ben rolled his eyes.

"See, you're doing it again. You always act like it's funny when I talk."

Poe chuckled low and turned the chair to face Ben, stooping to rest his elbows across his knees. "Have I ever ridiculed you, Ben?"

"Not aloud."

"Did I laugh when you slipped in the dining hall?"

Wavering, Ben glanced away. "I spilled stuff. You cleaned it up."

And what a mess of screaming, milk-drenched child and splatted canron that had been. Ben must have been four at the time, but the memory seemed to serve for numerous hidden insecurities.

"What about when you 'acquired' Master Skywalker's weapon and sliced your cloak in half?"

"You bought me another one so Mother wouldn't find out." Ben's upper teeth jutted over his bottom lip: as close a smile as he could manage when he was embarrassed.

Poe nodded once and lightly punched Ben's shoulder. "So. If I chuckle, it's because I'm fond of you. Okay?"

Ben sighed wearily. "Fine."

"Don't forget to return my bunkmate's vest before tonight," Poe instructed as he stretched to reach his datapad. "I've got studying now. Scoot."

The boy's skidding tromp was quickly followed by a _whump_ and a Corellian oath. "No one heard that!" Ben called from the hall.

Poe whistled low and focused on the longer – but less vulgar – phrases in his text. "Not a word."

* * *

 **Thank you to Begoogled, CrazedFangirl13, La Vik, Nadreth, Rasasvada98, Sayichi, Space Opera Singer, and guests J.B and Guest for reviewing! (And thank you J.B for leaving such a detailed review. It's nice to see that coming from a guest.) :)**


	8. Poe's Bad Day

_Ben – Age 10_

Pranks were commonplace in the academy. Some cadet always discovered itching powder in one of the practice helmets or had to scrounge for a missing boot in the lower level trash compactor. Poe once gagged on tacky paste that he drizzled onto his toothbrush. He himself was renowned for coiling snakes under the control panels before the girls' morning flights.

There were hierarchies involved. The new recruits were bossed around and the graduated pilots sneered at the cadets. Occasionally a brawny steel-jaw singled out one of the underlings; someone too insecure and afraid to report the harassment. Poe had been pushed around his first year. Too proud to admit his troubles, he had endured the chaffing tongue and ruthless taunts of a fifth year cadet with a pert nose and cruel eyes. To her frustration, she never noticed his concealed strain, and Poe was congratulated by his peers for taking her criticism so lightly.

By second year Poe had thwarted his opponent by sheer optimism, and she in turn found herself too occupied trying to pass sixth year exams to ridicule anyone else. As Poe grew older, confident and ever surrounded by those who looked up to him, he and his friends formed a comradery; defending the wavering cadets who struggled for belonging. He was a hero to some of the younger students.

But there was always the one nerf-herder whose single purpose was to strike down the gods of the realm. In Poe's fifth year at the academy it was Nor Kreech; a Givin several years older than himself, who had only begun his academy training. Nor's ghoulish features and stooped posture ("Like death itself", one of the cadets whispered) was more than enough to earn him distance and respect. His mind was naturally attuned to engineering and mechanics. He had nothing to prove to the academy.

Yet somehow, he singled out Poe – the leader of the guardians. Poe never learned why he was considered a threat, or what Nor intended to prove by bashing his head against the wall. Perhaps he wanted to demonstrate the poor combat skills of the "bodyguards". Or maybe Poe had stepped on his toe – he would never know for sure. He only remembered walking alongside Jessika on her first tour of the academy, and then rolling to his elbows as star systems exploded before his eyes. His assailant didn't even offer him a decent explanation of why he was barreled against the closest wall – again – and again.

Sometimes Poe felt like he spent an inordinate amount of time pacifying the screeching whirlwind that followed.

"Let him go!"

Poe's comrades were already yanking the Givin away when a sweep for the Force toppled them all. Poe found the wall again. _Funny, the kid can't seem to remember who he's defending. Ow._

"Get away from him!" Ben shrieked as Nor began to rise. A billow of pure willpower crushed the Givin to the floor and the hall became oppressively close. Jessika yanked on her collar while Ech'ban curled in, every limb stiffening. Poe raised himself on hands that felt like iron and croaked, "Ben, let go!"

Stunned, Ben lowered his hand. Immediately the cadets groaned and stretched out cramped limbs. Poe whooshed out and let his head fall against the wall – and remembered why he was slumped against the durasteel to begin with.

"Ow."

Ben was at his side before he could cup a hand against the knot in his skull. "You're bleeding!" the child exclaimed.

"Yeah. Funny how that happens in a fight." Ow. _Ow_.

"You call on your pup to fight me?" The Givin had regained his feet, and now stared in derision at the miniature Jedi. "You humanoids have no honor."

"Ben, shuddup," Poe flopped a hand against Ben's shoulder before the young Jedi could retaliate. "Lemme handle this."

"That's not fair!" Ben snapped. "You always interfere when they pick on me. I'm rescuing you, Poe."

Oh, the indignity of hidden smirks and coos of adoration. Even the Givin coughed behind his hand. Poe forced himself to breathe deeply.

"Ben, I don't need a Force-push every time some thick-skulled braniac thinks my snark is a show of insubordination. I appreciate the help, but I can take care of myself. Really."

"Fine." Ben sneered. "See if I intervene the next time some low-life cur pulverizes your brain." He kicked Poe's blaster across the floor and tramped away with his shoulders braced and his nose tilted high in the air.

"So, who let the brat in this time?" Ech'ban snickered as soon as the mop of black hair vanished. "Poe, do we need to run 'intervention' for you?"

Nor rumbled distortedly in the back of his throat. "You have an interesting choice in … connections." He reached out a four-fingered hand and helped Poe to his feet. "Your bravery gives you credit…. Even if you employ a pup as your bodyguard."

Poe moaned into his hands. "He's not my bodyguard. And don't ever mention it to anyone – please."

"I thought it was cute," Jess sympathized. "He's so protective."

"No. No, no, no, no," Poe muttered. Forgoing all plans for his flight test, he wove past the throng and steadied himself against the door frame.

"Poe, you need help?" Ech'ban offered in concern. "How bad is it?"

"Fine – fine!" Poe insisted, wavering unsteadily. "Just need a bacta patch."

"I can ask your mooka to fetch it." Ech'ban grinned wickedly. "He's _sooo_ protective."

Poe promptly mashed Ech'ban's face into the wall. And stumbled to the medcenter. Alone.

Later that evening he found an old vibroblade sitting on his desk. _In case you need to save yourself again,_ the attached note read. Ben had probably scrounged it out of his father's scrap collection. It was useless without the power gauge, but Poe wrapped it carefully with his few personal possessions.

After the Force-incident he earned Nor's good-natured ridicule, but never his respect. It took three years to convince his peers that he didn't have a mooka guardian.

He resolved to repay Ben in the form of canron, all the same.

* * *

 _This chapter was written thanks to popular demand. A number of reviewers wanted to see Ben defending Poe. Poor Ben can never win._

Some of my reviewers seem to have been captured by the First Order. I miss you all. :'(

 **Thank you to Pinky-chan2, Space Opera Singer, Sayichi, FoxfaceFan1, Begoogled, CrazedFangirl13, and guest GhostArcher for reviewing!**


	9. Han Doesn't Get It

_Ben – Age 10_

"I'm going to change my last name."

Ben thinking was dangerous. Ben making unannounced decisions was calamitous. Ben determining his life's course meant that Poe usually wound up doing something hazardous to his career.

"You want to change your last name?" Poe repeated, hoping he had misheard. Checking the exhaust vents in twelve rumbling X-wings tended to hamper the ear canal.

"I'm going to change my last name," Ben repeated. "Can't you listen to anything I say anymore?"

"I'm listening," Poe assured. _And hoping I misinterpreted._

"I don't want to be a Solo," Ben stated. "Everyone knows Han Solo – smuggler and General, depending on who you ask. Whenever I say I'm Ben Solo, they want to hear about my father. I want to create my own path."

"That seems logical," Poe said agreeably. He was still asked about his mother on occasion. People naturally associated "Dameron" with "dang good piloting skills".

"I'm going to change it to Dameron," Ben announced.

The ring in Poe's ears wasn't entirely associated with the thwack to his head as he straightened beneath the X-wing hull. "I'm sorry – grease in my ears again. Did you just say –?"

"Ben Dameron. Pay attention, Poe! It's perfectly reasonable. Mother's former name is Organa, but everyone links that name to Alderaan. I don't want to be associated with my uncle, so the last sensible name left is yours. You don't have to tell me it's a good idea; the new recruits already assume you're adopted."

"I'm… adopted." This time Poe listened to his sensible instincts and leaned his head back against the landing gear. _He's kriffing lost his mind - or I have._ It probably wouldn't make a difference either way.

"You should be flattered," Ben offered. "It means that out of all the clumsy fools on this base, I actually like you."

"I'm being patronized by a ten-year-old," Poe stated. "Somehow I'm not surprised, which is all the more unnerving."

Ben laughed. "That's why I like you, Poe. You're always saying funny things."

"And this gives me the honor of passing on my name to the son of two war generals?" Poe surmized. "My flight commander is going to demote me to first year academy."

"Ah, hero worship!" Han's boisterous intrusion instigated a scowl from Ben, and another headache for Poe as he scrambled upright and clipped his head on the wing.

"General Solo, Sir!" Poe saluted.

Han half-heartedly returned the gesture. "At ease, kid. Ben, what's this about hating your name?"

"I don't hate it," Ben said moodily. "I'm tired of everyone assuming I'll be just like you or Uncle Skywalker."

If Ben glimpsed the flash of pain in Han's face, he didn't apologize. Poe awkwardly cleared his throat.

"Engine room. Report. I'll be … just down the hall." He scooped up his cleaning rag and toolkit, only to freeze as Ben rounded on him with stricken eyes.

"You think it's a stupid idea, too," Ben said. "You won't let me do it."

"Now hold on, Ben," Han began to reason.

"No!" Pushing his father's hand away, Ben fretfully approached Poe. "It's your choice, isn't it? You're turning me away."

"What – Ben, it's not like that," Han interceded. "You can't change your last name just because – "

"Fine! Keep it, then!" Ben spat, wrenching aside. Furious dark eyes rounded on Poe. "I always hated your name, anyways!" He snagged the cadet's toolbox with the Force and flung it across the hangar, tools scattering as he ran.

"What in the blazes was that all about?" Han railed, flinging his hands into the air. "Poe? Did you tell him something?"

"Nothing." Poe shook his head, staring at the hangar door. "We were just talking, and he…." Perturbed, he scratched his head and replayed the conversation in his mind, trying to find the trigger for Ben's outburst.

 _What just happened?_

* * *

 **Yay, some of my reviewers are back! I don't suppose any of you were so lucky as to be personally rescued the Black Squadron, were you? Or are there possibly First Order sympathizers among the readers? 0_o**

 _(Thank you to Elleth of Mossflower, CrazedFangirl13, The-Splatoon-Rock 64, Nadreth, AKLNxStories, Real1Swear, Space Opera Singer, and ZeDancingHobbit for reviewing!)_


	10. Red Swords and Blankets

_Ben – Age 10_

Ben never explained why he was cantankerous about "the naming incident". Either he considered himself to be uncannily forgiving, or he chose to ignore "past trespasses". (Poe wondered if a smidgen of retaliation was also involved, as he noticed his training X-wing was liberally coated with soot every morning for a week after Ben discussed changing his name.) Either way, Poe never heard the conclusion. He did notice Han looked miffed for weeks afterwards.

It seemed that when Ben needed someone, it was important to him that Poe was merely _there_. The cadet was rudely awoken one night, three hours before he was due for the early maintenance shift, by the incessant pinging of his door chime. Wondering if he'd set the chrono wrong, Poe dragged himself out of his bunk, slung his jacket over the rumpled uniform he'd fallen asleep in, and clapped the wall until he found the door release. Instantly a ragged bundle of blanket and black hair tucked itself against him.

"Ben?" Poe mumbled, rubbing a hand over his eyes. "Wha' time is it? What're you doing here?"

"I – I dreamed something," Ben said haggardly.

Even half-asleep, Poe recognized a fear that shouldn't be ignored. Groaning softly as he glanced at the chrono, he guided Ben to the bunk and sat them both down. "Kay…. Tell me about it."

Chestnut eyes were unhinged doors of fright. "I was on a planet – a planet full of sand. There was a red sword in my hands – and you were there. You were scared of me."

"Scared?" Poe paused with one hand still clapped over his cheek. "Of you?" Not the brat whose lower lip still trembled when he dropped his frosty treat. Not the kid who hacked at his hair every morning because he couldn't drag a brush through it. "Not possible."

Ben slowly exhaled. "It was just a silly dream, wasn't it?" He tethered onto Poe's confidence.

"Yup," Poe agreed, too exhausted to say otherwise. "There are no sand-filled planets around here – unless you want to hijack a freighter to Tatooine."

Ben shuddered. "Just a dream," he repeated to himself.

"Yup." Poe had the impression he was parroting himself. Yawning, he stretched and waved Ben off his bunk. "Sorry, Ben, but I have early shift tomorrow. We'll talk later, kay?"

Ben pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders. "Can I stay here with you? Just tonight?"

Terror ringed the boy's eyes in shadow. In the folds of his blanket, he melded with the shadows. Poe stared incomprehensibly, almost catching a wisp of … something… and yet nothing at all.

"Fine," he acquiesced, scooting to the far side of the bunk. Promptly Ben scrambled in beside him, tucking every inch of blanket aside to avoid "unnecessary contact". He didn't complain when Poe spread a blanket over them both.

"Poe," Ben said as the pilot-in-training closed his eyes. "You won't ever be afraid of me… promise?"

"Go to sleep, Ben," Poe grumbled.

"You have to promise!" Ben urged.

"Yeah. Yeah, I promise," Poe assured. "Won't ever be scared of you, kid."

* * *

He failed that promise, like so many others, the moment his blaster bolt froze before Ben's outstretched hand.

He tried to smile anyways. Even on his knees, he pretended he wasn't terrified.

* * *

 **So many reviews since the last chapter. 0_o**

 _In response to guest reviews:_

 _Gunny: I love plot bunnies and prompts! I'll keep your idea in mind for later chapters._

 _J.B: Great insight on the last chapter! Your description is probably the best explanation I can offer for SilverclawRose's question._

 _(SilverclawRose - I would have personally responded to your review, but I couldn't send you a private message.)_

 **Thank you to Pinky-chan2, Nadreth, Elleth of Mossflower, CatWingsAthena, Begoogled, CrazedFangirl13, Booksnake3, Real1Swear, Sayichi, Rasasvada98, Space Opera Singer, SilverclawRose, Fangirl4life2001, and guests J.B and Gunny for reviewing!**


	11. Not Just a Game

_Ben – Age 11_

Poe finally had a free afternoon. No scout patrols, no engine maintenance, no petty orders from the sergeants. The lights were dim, his head was an empty bliss of nothing, and he was comfortably slung over the bottom bunk when the room went dark.

"Power outage," Poe grumbled, nestling his head into the pillow. Either that, or his bunkmate was pranking him again. He'd sneak a few slugs into his boots tomorrow before inspection.

"Poe Dameron."

The rasping voice almost scared Poe out of his socks. Almost. There was a peculiar high pitch that pinpointed the culprit immediately.

"Ben, this is my afternoon off," he stated. "Scoot."

"My name is no longer Ben." Perfect. The kid was role-playing again. Poe resigned himself to a long afternoon.

"Mm. Grand Moff Tarkin? Trash compacter monster?"

"I am now Kyber Dem!" Ben boomed dramatically. "I am the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy! No one can defeat me!"

"Yeah. Got it." Funny how the times changed. When Poe was a kid he had pretended to be Red Five, blowing up the Death Star and taking down fifty Tie's in every battle. Ben seemed to like inventing his own tales.

"Poe, you're not looking. You're running the effect!" Ben sighed in frustration. "Play along, Poe!"

"Okay, you got it." Lethargically Poe rolled onto his side. He blinked. Twice. _The kid's gotta stop playing with the lights._

"It's awesome, isn't it?" Somehow Ben had obtained the facial mask of a Tie Fighter pilot helmet. The rusted metal was painted white, braced over his face like a skeletal jaw. Plated eyeholes reflected maliciously against the glow of his lightsaber.

"Ben, take that off," Poe said unsteadily. He sat up slowly and Ben cackled.

"I did it! I finally scared you! You nearly soiled yourself – admit it!"

"Ben, take it off," Poe repeated. There was something wrong about the mask. Something that was no longer harmless.

Blithely Ben flipped his lightsaber, unfazed when it grazed Poe's bunk. "Stop worrying, Poe. It's only play. Remember when you used to join me? We fought off the Imperialists together. Pow! Pow!" He swirled his 'saber in a clipped arc and nearly decapitated a lamp.

"Ben, stop – _stop_!" Poe emphasized, grabbing for the handle. Ben's smile washed into confusion. Running a hand through his hair, Poe sighed. "This… this isn't funny. I'm not a Jedi, but I know this isn't what they stand for. Where did you find that mask?"

"Oh, come off it, Poe!" Exasperatedly Ben pulled off the mask and shook his hair free. "It's only a game. Your friend Ech'ban laughed."

The curdling in Poe's stomach tightened. Biting his lip, he shook his head. "Sorry. I can't play along this time." What was it in the soulless eye pieces that twisted anxiety around his throat? Some crude lifelessness had stolen a child's innocence.

Perplexed, Ben stared at him for a while. When Poe neglected to respond, he sheathed his lightsaber and turned in a huff. "You're boring."

It was the last time they played together.

* * *

 _*Posts chapter 10* *Checks email 1 hour later* O_o_

That was my reaction yesterday. I have the best fans! \o/

 **Thank you to Booksnake3, Space Opera Singer, Begoogled, TheVioletPhoenix, Nadreth, Agent ERA, hannahinthesky44, Lazerkat, CatWingsAthena, Elleth of Mossflower, time2read, FreelyBeYourself, Kayla103849, AKLNxStories, Fangirl4life2001, La Vik, The-Splatoon-Rook 64, and guest Corrine for reviewing!**


	12. Not Worth the Fuss

_Ben – Age 12_

Sooner or later Poe's "adopted status" had to invite disaster. These were the _Solos_ after all; a wanted smuggler on one end, and the former princess of Alderaan on the other. Ben was a valuable asset.

Which meant that – inevitably – Poe was somehow involved.

A capable and upstart pilot was no target to the larger part of the galaxy. Poe had been socked for winning a few races, and thrown across a counter over the accusation of cheating in sabacc, but the quarrels were petty and were usually settled with a few well designated punches from his buddies (not _bodyguards_ , no matter what Leia or Han said).

For that reason, Poe had no reason to suspect that anyone would spike a fizzy soda in a respectable diner. (It was supposed to go to Ben. Ben was late. The soda was therefore contraband.) He remembered punching awkwardly as one Adnerem's long-nailed fingers closed over his arm, and then rolling on the floor as three more Adnerems blurred into six and then four. The ceiling rolled and greyed, and he heard one Adnerem comment "I thought he would be smaller", before ….

He woke to the sear of knotted muscle in his shoulder. Grunting, Poe twisted to stretch. His hands moved as one and metal buzzed in warning. _Cuffs?_ Panicking momentarily, Poe forced himself to rationalize. _Ben. That little krayt dragon._

"Ben!" Poe called. His voice broke mid-syllable and he cleared his throat. "If this is one of your tricks, I'll tell your mother to forfeit your holovid rights for the next month." Painting the Imperialist symbol on Poe's X-wing was a prank. Sneaking up on him during an intense conversation with Jessika and making smooching noises was underhanded. This was reprehensible.

"Just because you're bored when I'm gone doesn't give you sanction to tie me up." Because this was ludicrous. How had he not noticed an eleven-year-old drugging his food?

 _Strike that theory; this is too smart for Ben._ Poe sighed. Couldn't be Nor – the Givin was too occupied bullying a Twi'lek twice his size. _Ech'ban, then._ Only one cadet was mischievous enough to prank Poe today of all days.

"Ech'ban!" Yep, the cuffs were tight enough, and the blindfold had to be a personal touch. "I was supposed to meet a friend an hour ago!" He hoped he hadn't lost more than an couple hours of his day. "If the kid persuaded you to play 'Imperial Interrogation', tell him there was a spy among the troops and the prisoner escaped. Come on, Ech'ban! I can't be late for this one!"

"The boy is awake," a pinched voice said.

Poe clapped his mouth shut. _That definitely isn't Nor._ The sour remnant of sugary fizzy soda tainted his tongue and he remembered. _Oh, kriff. Have I been kidnapped?_

"This is taking too long," a similar voice spoke up as footsteps approached. "I told you to drug the boy; not incapacitate him. I want to prove to his father that we mean _business_."

Swallowing, Poe clenched his fists. _Kes Dameron is dead. The only proof you'll give him is if you drop my body at his tombstone._ He waited, tensed to strike.

"He was speaking," the pinched voice said. "He called for an 'Ek-ben'."

"Brutal pronunciation," Poe muttered. He stiffened when long nails latched onto his arm, and kicked out instinctively. His boots thudded into flesh and he relished the cry of pain, before more hands yanked him down and cold metal ground into his jaw.

"Struggle again and I will remove your fingers," the slithering voice warned. The blaster trailed down to Poe's hands and he flinched. "I require only your life. I do not care if I deliver a bloodied hull to your father."

 _The Adnerem_. Poe breathed fast and shallow, speaking without thought. "What would you want with me? Honestly, I scored badly on my last flight test. If you're looking for a better pilot, you should ask for Nor – he's a great mechanic."

"Silence!" The Adnerem clacked its fingernails and Poe was hauled upright, legs sliding across the floor. "Contact Solo."

"Solo?" Poe swore in Corellian. "Wait – I think there's been a mistake." He was getting that horrible sense of _'Do anything you want just don't tell my mom!'_ , and he thought he'd lost that fear when he was seven. _Directed to General Solo,_ Poe envisioned his next report. _I was kidnapped by at least four Adnerems because I drugged myself on a fizzy soda which is supposed to be ninety percent sugar. I have the vaguest impression that someone is after Ben, which might explain the unusual dosage in a kid's drink, and it's possible they mistook me for your son._

Which was ridiculous. He had at least two feet on the kid.

"Solo!" the leader heralded as Poe was hauled to his knees. The blindfold was yanked free – rather theatrically, in Poe's opinion - and he blinked hazily at the hologram transmission.

"Uh… Hey…." Poe cringed. Kriff and Sith, he was dead. Han Solo looked furious. Poe bit his lip in embarrassment. "I … probably should have told them I wasn't actually – "

"Shut up, Ben."

Poe clapped his mouth shut. _Okay, I'm a Solo. This is normal for Ben's family, I guess._

"You heard my terms," Han addressed the Adnerem. "Release the boy."

"After we receive our imbursement," the leader said smoothly. His blaster trailed uncomfortably along Poe's ear, then shifted to rest against the side of his nose. "You do want him returned in one piece, I trust."

The twitch in Han's jaw was so well played that for an instant Poe could have believed he _was_ Ben Solo. _Play it cool,_ he reminded himself. It wasn't all that hard - General Solo seemed to be in control of the matter - but he really didn't want a hideous scar. _Maybe across the eyebrow. Just leave the nose alone, deal?_

"Your payment will be transferred," Han said. A shift in his expression and the unease was replaced with casual control. Poe was impressed. This was Han Solo the former smuggler; and he knew how to bargain. "I sent a freighter with the cargo," Han continued, slouching back and looping one leg over the armrest of his chair. "My envoy should meet you presently."

"You said nothing about a courier!" the Adnerem hissed. Poe crossed his eyes as the blaster shifted to the tip of his nose.

Haplessly Han spread his hands. "I had to send _someone_. He's just a farm kid with a walking carpet; no threats; no problems."

"If this is a trick, I will return your messengers' entrails as payment." The Adnerem clicked its nails in warning.

 _How does he grip a blaster without a thumb?_ Poe wondered.

"Ben," Han emphasized slowly. "How are you holding up?"

 _Besides wondering when I started using the kid's name?_ "Just fine," Poe said breezily. "Nothing better than an impromptu nap to clear my head."

Han rolled his eyes. "I can see why the little guy complains that you sleep too much."

"I have early shift," Poe excused half-heartedly. _And Jessika whupped me in sabacc the other night._

"You humanoids," the leader growled. "You have no respect for death." His hand blurred in movement.

"Whoah, I respect it!" Poe corrected as the blaster jabbed behind his left shoulder. He had a very healthy respect for death. Nearly losing his face to a tree branch had emphasized the importance of _not dying_ for as long as possible.

Unfortunately, his respect and his tongue held two different angles. "I had the impression you were trying to keep me alive," Poe rattled heedlessly. "Threatening my hands; my face. If you blast my shoulder it could collapse my lung. I would drown. In my own blood." He had learned that in third year academy. Half the class was conveniently sick afterwards.

Han groaned and clapped a hand over his face. "Shut up, kid."

"You are all fools!" the Adnerem leader bellowed. He shoved Poe against his minions and seized the pilot's jaw. "I will cut out your tongue first."

"Wait!" Han shouted, all composure foregone.

 _Stupid, stupid!_ Poe screamed at himself as his jaw was forced apart. Long nails dug into his shoulders, buckling him down as a knife slid between his teeth. Han bellowed his name.

The Adnerem faltered.

"Poh?" he repeated in disbelief.

The knife slid free and Poe closed his eyes in relief. _Poe Dameron, you'll lose worse than your life one of these days._

"You lied," the leader accused, turning to face Han. "You said this was your son."

Han flustered, hesitated, and then shrugged. "Same hair?"

"Pfassk!" Flinging the knife into the wall, the Adneren slammed a fist into the console. "Blaggard! Kcho-tung!" He smashed his arm into one of his guards and sent him sprawling.

 _Ben must be Adneren,_ Poe mused.

The next fifteen minutes were… disappointingly anticlimactic. The Adneren leader continued to rave in multiple dialects as he trashed the room. The hologram transmitter was the first to disintegrate, and a security droid quickly followed. _I could almost believe I never left the base,_ Poe surmised as he watched another control hub sizzle. Ben would appreciate the Adneren's ingenuity. Who knew a service droid could be spliced into three compartments with one crunch to the dome?

When Luke Skywalker eventually forced the door aside, Chewbacca looming behind him, Poe was almost sorry to leave. (Almost. He did appreciate keeping all his fingers intact. It was just fun witnessing the Adneren leader's screeching fit when he realized General Solo's "courier" was a Jedi.)

He was greeted by the Master of Tantrums himself when they returned. Ben slammed into Poe from the side, squeezing his waist and yammering, "I couldn't sense you! You were gone! I thought you were dead but Dad said you weren't and he sent Uncle Luke to check and we found out you were alive but they wouldn't let me listen in on the transmission and Mom made me stay in the other room even though I _told_ her – "

"Ben!" Poe rasped. "Pilot's gotta breathe!"

Sucking in rapid breaths, Ben released him and hovered. "I can't feel you still!" Frantically he turned to Luke. "What's happening to him?"

"Force inhibitor, probably," Han supplied as he ducked under the freighter. Leia slipped past him, sharp eyes already flitting over Poe. "They probably thought he was a Jedi."

"They thought he was me," Ben guessed. He looked back at Poe and the pilot nearly stepped back.

 _Self-note,_ Poe cautioned himself. _Don't ever make the kid mad._

"Thank you for protecting my son," Leia whispered, already sensing the minor wounds versus injured pride. Her thumb ghosted over Poe's bruised cheek and she cringed in sympathy. "The confusion stalled them long enough for Luke to arrive. You were very brave."

He was newly eighteen and too old for superfluous compliments, but Poe flushed all the same.

"Do you need a medical droid, or would you rather patch yourself up?" Leia offered.

Ben's outrage shattered Poe's remaining calm. "You knew he was my replacement!" Furiously the child swiveled between Luke and Han. "Why didn't you rescue him sooner? He's that expendable to you, isn't he?"

"Ben, that's enough!" Han shouted.

Ben faltered for an instant, then glanced at his mother. Lividly he stepped between her and Poe. "You don't have a right to touch him! You would have let him die if I hadn't begged you to help him sooner. I hate you both! You never – "

"Ben!" Fluidly Poe crouched and spun the boy around. His head pounding from the commotion and his pulse charged with infuriation at a child's insolence, Poe grated between shuddering breaths, "Don't ever speak to your mother like that again."

He saw the change in Ben's shattered eyes, as friendship morphed into authority. Slowly Ben's mouth closed. His expression shuttered.

Han spoke first. "Room. Now," he barked, jabbing in the direction of the hangar doors. Leia hugged herself as her son slumped away.

Luke slowly exhaled. "We need to discuss his training."

Groaning, Leia pressed a hand against her brow. "Luke, it can wait. I can fix this. Just give me another year with him."

"Leia – "

"Han?" Leia beseeched.

Caught between two bickering Force-sensitives, Han glanced between them and shrugged. "One more year. What can go wrong?" He thrust his hands into his pockets and scuffed away, kicking a duracrete chunk. "Sure, what can _possibly_ go wrong," Poe heard him mutter. "Kid needs a good dose of self-discipline."

"Luke, give him time," Leia urged. "He's not like his grandfather."

"That's what worries me, Leia," Luke stressed. "He _can't_ control himself."

"I'll fix this," Leia promised. "He isn't unredeemable."

"I never said…."

Both siblings glanced at Poe, suddenly remembering his presence. Clearing his throat, Luke nodded at Chewbacca.

"Chewie, will you take Poe to the medcenter? See to it that he has a full examination."

Poe raised one hand. "I'm fine, really – "

"No arguments," the twins ordered unanimously.

"Rest," Leia insisted. "You've done enough for today."

Sighing, Poe wearily saluted and followed Chewbacca. _What a day. What an awful, kriffing bad day._

He was supposed to have met Ben at the diner. He'd been promised a full day to himself; a chance to reestablish his friendship with Ben; treat the kid to the zoo.

Poe kicked the door frame as he passed by.

 _Birthdays aren't worth the fuss, anyways._

* * *

 **Thank you to Space Opera Singer, Begoogled, AKLNxStories, FreelyBeYourself, CatWingsAthena, ZeDancingHobbit, Elleth of Mossflower, Real1Swear, Agent ERA, La Vik, TheEarthSong, CrazedFangirl13, and guests Corrine and Guest for reviewing!**

 _This chapter was prompted by Agent ERA, who thought up a few "kidnapped Poe" scenarios._


	13. Speak Your Mind

_Ben – Age 13_

Why Ben chose to trash Poe's room when he was angry, the young pilot would never understand. It had started when the kid was nine and smashed Poe's 'fresher mirror after being grounded by Luke "until he calmed down". Poe's ready forgiveness seemed to be translated as "leniency" in Ben's world, as objects tended to fly more when he raved in his friend's quarters.

"It's not fair!" Ben ranted, kicking Poe's discarded jumpsuit aside. "Luke knows I can handle myself. I can't even leave the base without an interrogation!"

"I'm sure that – hey, watch the helmet!" Poe exclaimed, yanking it out of the air. "I just got the uniform, you know."

"Pay attention, Poe! I don't care about your stupid jumpsuit!" To emphasize his point, Ben snapped a hand out and flung the orange uniform at Poe's bunk. "He never lets me do anything! Trae-Dan has more opportunities off-planet than me, and she only started training two years ago! Luke practically rescued her off that Force-forsaken planet."

"Master Luke," Poe corrected. Even if Luke was Ben's uncle, there was a certain amount of respect owed.

"Whatever! Sometimes I feel you never listen, Dameron." Flopping into a chair, Ben tossed his lightsaber out and watched it spin in the Force. "I'll prove to him that I can do anything his flimsy knights can do. I don't care if they're older than me. I'm Anakin Skywalker's grandson. I'm better than all of them."

Poe ran his tongue over his upper teeth, searching for the right words. Nowadays it seemed that everything set Ben on edge. "You're a powerful Jedi," Poe said slowly. _He's going to hate me for saying this._ "But you can't control yourself."

There. It had been said. The words Poe had held back for three years as he watched Ben's temper intensify.

Scathing brown eyes rent through his mind. Leaping to his feet, Ben kicked the chair aside and stomped to the door. "You're just like my parents."

He didn't speak to Poe for weeks.

* * *

 **Thank you to time2read, Begoogled, Igeekthetudors, Rasasvada98, Real1Swear, CrazedFangirl13, FoxfaceFan1, Agent ERA, Space Opera Singer, SilverclawRose, Nadreth, and guests JB, Jellybean, and Corrine for reviewing!**


	14. Invincible

_Ben – Age 13_

The "Y-wing Incident" was the only time Poe ever saw Ben in tears. He never expected the accident himself. Sure, the kid had a temper, and he paralyzed helpless machinery when antagonized, but he was sensitive. He knew his own strength.

So Poe thought.

He was polishing his helmet and talking with a friendly BB unit when the air swelled like a Dantooine maelstrom. The hangar doors grated open, as though Ben was impatient with their speed and had commanded them to slide faster. His boots clapped the floor as he marched inside.

"Storm's coming," Poe murmured. The BB unit roved its head uncertainly, measured its options, and skittered away.

Ben happened to turn right into the droid's path. He snarled at the delay and raised his hand, and Poe reacted without thinking. Again. _Gotta stop jumping in front of the kid…._ was his detached thought before he stepped between Ben and the droid. Ben's eyes widened and he drew back his hand, but not before the Force equivalent of an airbus slammed into Poe's chest.

Overhead lights swirled. Durasteel warped with the floor and Poe scarcely had time to expel his air in an _'umph!'_ before a Y-wing cockpit swarmed his vision. Vaguely he _heard_ his head rap the window, but there was no pain. He rolled off the side and his arm twisted awkwardly as he fell. Something pulled the wrong way.

"Poe!" Ben shrieked.

Miraculously he landed on his feet. Weaving, Poe glanced behind him and laughed. He had spiralled into a now-dented spaceship and he was still standing. It must have looked awesome. He was invincible.

The floor tilted into grey and Poe stumbled. His knees smacked duracrete and still there was no pain. Hazily he blinked at the dark blur that ran towards him. There was two – no three – no, just one Ben Solo patting his face with thin hands as a globe of orange and white swiveled around. _They gotta stop commissioning those droids… dizzying critters..._

Then the crash of shock slammed him into the pavement. Dimly Poe figured he could thank Ben that he didn't land on his face. There was vertigo, a blaze suddenly ricocheting from his head to his left arm, and tingling from his calves to his heels as though he had been sitting for too long. All through the haze he heard Ben's cry for help – first a shrill ringing in his head, then fainter…softer…

* * *

He woke with the clapping alarm in his head that testified he had taken a round of drinks that didn't quite hold up to mission regulations. _If Leia was my mom she'd take a hairbrush to me, aversion to spankings be hanged._ She might even pull his ear in front of his mates – she had done that once before, after Poe had celebrated his birthday with the other cadets and accidentally left a bottle where Ben could find it.

 _Ben with hiccups… At least Han thought it was uproarious._

This headache felt a little more like Poe had set his X-wing on fire, fallen afoul of a slashrat pack, and been rescued by a blood carver. He cracked his eyes open and blinked in the dim light. _Make that two slashrat packs. And a great krayt._

"How're you feeling, kid?"

 _Not good. What'd I drink?_ Poe croaked a grunt. Immediately his gut lunged into his throat and he bucked, heaving as he was yanked upright and held over the bunk. Steel swam above darker grey and he _hoped_ he had aimed right. What an idiot he'd be, missing the trash can when it was right under his face.

"Attaboy. Let it out."

 _I really, really don't feel good_ … A moan was the only signal of distress that Poe could muster. His head reeled as he was rolled vertical again. _Two great krayts. There's two of 'em. Battling. In my head. With a rancor._

"Hey, you there! Droid! Where's the pain meds you promised? Kid looks like he's going to shoot himself if he doesn't get some peace."

The voice boomed around him, shattering the grey Poe had burrowed into. Whirling gears turmbled and he vaguely saw a blur of orange before a mechanical spider-like creature loomed above him, piercing his arm with its stinger. Silt crept into his pounding head, taking the pain with it. Orange melted with the floor as the rolling blob tilted its head, and Poe fell into space.

Maybe General Solo was right to warn him. Sooner or later he was going to crash midflight.

Just like his mother.

* * *

He woke again, and this time his head didn't quite feel like a slashrat had eaten his brains. Maybe a neek was chasing its tail inside his skull. He could still function.

"Ow," Poe murmured, reaching for his head. His arm flopped to the side. Forcing his eyes open, he glared at the uncooperative limb. _What's wrong with **you**?_

A swivel followed by questioning trills directed him to the other side of the bunk. Flinging his head to the side was an effort. Blearily Poe squinted at the circular droid.

"Y'ur … BB… thirteen?" He had spoken to this droid earlier. Something about future missions and needing a good navigator. Then Ben had walked in and…. _What happened?_

The BB unit whistled sympathetically and moved closer. Those spinning mechanisms were _really_ disconcerting.

"Please stop moving," Poe murmured. It sounded like 'Psstpng', but the droid seemed to get the point. Its head tilted sideways before it looked over its shoulder and beeped loudly.

"Ndntlk," Poe added, hoping the droid could decrypt his mumble. _No more talking, please. Or beeping._

"He's awake, BB-8?"

Poe thought he misheard the voice. He knew he had. Ech'ban could do a fairly decent imitation of Han Solo.

Greying hair, tall boots, and a leather jacket lined the doorway. _Kriff, I really did finagle with disaster this time!_ Poe pushed himself to one elbow, trying to remember. _I was in the hangar, and … Ben. Did I hit him? I don't think I was flying. Did he get into a fight and drag me into it?_ That would explain the rancor in his skull.

"Kid, lay down," Han ordered exasperatedly. "You're out of your head, all right? No need to give yourself another split in your scalp on my account."

 _Ow._ "S'gonon?" _Would someone please tell me what's going on?_

Han was solemn as he crouched beside the droid. _BB-8… that's what it was._

"What do you remember, kid?"

Spinning lights. A Y-wing. He'd been invincible. _Apparently not._

"Ship," Poe rasped. "Head."

"Yeah…." Han's right eye twitched. "About that…. You flew into a Y-wing cockpit. Knocked your head pretty bad, dislocated your shoulder, and just about paralyzed your legs falling off – you'll be fine," he added when Poe started to gasp. "They immersed you in bacta, and Luke took a hand in some … Force-technique, whatever he calls it. No flying for a while, but you should recover without further complications."

Something was missing. "Ben?" Poe realized, looking around the room. Disappointment filled him. _He didn't care to see me this time._

Han sighed pensively. "You don't remember much, do you?"

"D'I htm?" _Tell me I didn't drop an X-wing on him._

Han looked at BB-12 – BB-13, Poe reminded himself, who bleeped a reply.

"Hit him?" Han repeated. "No, he's fine."

 _So why isn't he here?_ Poe let out a slow gust. Ben was tired of his companionship, apparently. He'd been outgrowing friends for years, and Poe was the last to go. He shouldn't be surprised.

"Uh… I'll let you two talk later," Han said elusively as he rose. "He's … he's tired right now. Once you're up to it, I'll send him in."

 _Why doesn't he want to talk to me? Did we argue again? He said he was glad Mom and Dad crashed last time. Is he still angry with me? I don't…._

Confusion whirled into blankness. Unwillingly Poe let go.

* * *

The next time Poe opened his eyes, the room was stable. A stern voice was scolding the medical droid, ranting about insufficient data and upgrading the medical logs. Poe lifted his shoulders high enough to roll his head, wincing at the stiffness in his neck. _Gotta stop sleeping in so late._

His eyes settled on the BB unit and he groaned. "Am I here b'cause of you?"

The lecturing stopped. "Poe?"

Oh, kriff. Now the General was onto him. _I drugged their son, didn't I? I don't know how I did it, but somehow…_

Leia's touch was gentle as she pressed a hand to Poe's forehead. He forgot to feel guilty and leaned into it. "M…" he stopped himself before he could betray her memory by giving the name to another.

Worry was softened by intuition and Leia rubbed Poe's shoulder, coaxing the last dark threads from his mind. "You've been drifting for three weeks. Luke warned me you wouldn't be fully aware when you woke."

"M'aware," Poe argued. "D'I hit my head?" Why was she here? Ben's mother would have been hovering over her son for weeks on end. General Solo didn't have time to sit beside every injured pilot.

Leia's hand stilled and her face grew stern. Poe swallowed, but the general looked over her shoulder. "Come inside, Ben."

Scuffed boots skidded reluctantly and thin fingers clutched the doorframe as a tousled, neglected mop of black hair turned the corner. Leia beckoned with one finger and Ben dragged himself into the room. His eyes were fixed on the duracrete floor. When Leia cleared her throat he shuffled closer, veering around BB-8. The droid rolled closer to Poe.

"Somethin' happen here?" Poe fumbled the words.

"Ben."

One curt word from his mother, and Ben raised his head. Chestnut eyes were torn with misery. Bravely he raised his chin, and one misty droplet sprang free. Leia inhaled sharply, patted Poe's shoulder, and rose to her feet. She paused by her son and ran a hand over his hair, hugging him briefly before leaving the room.

Instantly Ben crumpled.

"I'm sorry!" he sobbed, clutching his stomach as grief burst from his eyes and nose. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

BB-8 whistled a warning as Poe tumbled from the bunk, dragging himself to the young teen's side. "Whoah, hey!" Poe shushed, reaching for Ben's shoulder. "Wha'is it?"

Ben lurched away, choking uncontrollably. "I – I'm sorry!" he squeaked. "I'm sorry!"

"Ben – Ben, talk to me." Okay, not a good idea to be comforting a freaked out kid when the walls were spinning. Hoping to anchor himself and calm Ben at the same time, Poe latched onto the young Jedi's shoulder. "Ben, stoppit now!"

Gasping, Ben shuddered at the order and obeyed. His eyes were wide and frantic. The masked, cold slate of dark eyes was gone.

"Ben," Poe repeated, catching his breath. "Talk't me. What happened?"

"I'm sorry!" Ben's face screwed up and fresh tears poured down his cheeks. Poe closed his eyes and gulped a shaky breath.

"Okay." Rapidly Poe nodded. "I forgive you. Now tell me wha's goin' on."

"I… I…."

The kid was hyperventilating. Poe slid his legs underneath him and leaned back to snag the bunk blanket, pressing it over Ben's face. "Blow. Js'blow. They'll cleanit."

Babbling, Ben did as he was told. "I – I threw you into the ship – I didn't mean to – you jumped – and I let go – and I – I didn't mean to, Poe! I was angry and you jumped, and I tried to hold it back but you fell and you didn't get up and they took you away and they said you were having a seizure and Luke couldn't fix it and – I was scared!" He shouted into the blanket, whimpering again and again, "I was so scared!"

"Easy. Easy buddy," Poe shushed, finally guessing the story. He remembered the Y-wing's glass pane, and hurtling through the air. Ben's notorious spats explained the rest. "M'fine," Poe said, pulling the trembling teen into a hug. "M'fine, see? N'thn bacta won't fix."

"I'm sorry!" Ben exclaimed between chattering teeth. "I won't do it again! I won't ever use the Force around you!"

"I know." The headache had returned, but Ben needed comfort more than Poe needed to rest. "You won't hurt me, kid."

Ben wailed softly, looking for all the world like he was seven again, trying to fit a lost tooth back in his gums. Poe leaned back gingerly and BB-8 rolled behind him, offering support.

"Thanks," Poe whispered to the droid. He tightened his grip on Ben, rubbing his back until the sobs turned into hiccups and the shaking quieted into trembles. Ben wouldn't touch him – fearful of doing greater harm, or afraid of Poe's reaction, the pilot couldn't tell. He only knew that Ben was quiet for weeks after, and the base officers relayed to one another how nice it was to have peace for a change.

True to his word, the young Jedi vastly reined in his temper afterwards.

Ben Solo kept his promise.

Kylo Ren no longer cared.

* * *

 _Quite a few readers wanted a scenario where Ben actually injured Poe. This turned into a more crucial chapter than I anticipated._

 **Thank you to SilverclawRose, Nadreth, CrazedFangirl13, CatWingsAthena, Begoogled, time2read, Igeekthetudors, Ista, Agent ERA, Lazerkat, Space Opera Singer, ouattwaOncerwlSW,** **and guests Ann, Guest, and Corrine for reviewing!**


	15. Promises

_Ben – Age 13 (Time period – six weeks after "the Y-wing incident")_

 ** _Rated T for violence (including a minor)_**

Sometimes Poe wondered if the Force had his name written down, and he wasn't sure it was dictated as "The Galaxy's Poster Boy". Bad luck trailed him like fleas on a womp-rat. It had to be Ben's doing – something always happened as soon as the kid's shadow twitched.

Poe assumed a headlong flight into a Y-wing's glass pane had covered his disaster scenarios for the entire year. There was only so much the universe could thrust upon an innocuous pilot. Sooner or later Fate had to skip the cataclysm quadrant for one kriffin' day.

Apparently a concussion and six weeks in the medcenter wasn't enough to satisfy whatever absurd "Force-Balance" that hated Poe. He had just graduated to walking with a support. Flying was out of the question for another eight months. Ben was a helpful, frantic little mooka who flinched every time Poe stepped on a floor crack. Poe was finally outside for the first time, soaking in the wan sunlight flickering past storm clouds, when sharp pain lanced his neck. Seconds before he could shout, Ben toppled, and grey enclosed Poe's sight.

Luck didn't care much for the Dameron line.

"Poe!"

The shrill, cracking voice, trapped in the hilarious stage before the vocal chords deepened, towed Poe from the comforter of darkness. His head pounded.

"Stop," Poe murmured thickly. "Lemme sleep." His 'S's still sounded like a drunken slur. _Stupid concussion._

"Poe!" Ben's demands had been scarce since Poe was hospitalized, and he scarcely raised his voice anymore. The sudden panic was overwhelming. "Poe, you can't fall unconscious again!"

"Wha'?" He wasn't unconscious. Ben just didn't understand the power of sleep – and Poe needed as much sleep as he could get. The medical droid had told him so. "Yur not s'posed to bug me, 'member?"

"Poe Dameron, you open your eyes right now!"

The half-squeaked order, as the kid's voice ranged from high-pitched to low in three octaves, woke Poe in a fit of giggles.

"S'rry," he apologized instantly, blinking in the dark room. "M'not laughing at you."

"Poe." The exclamation was of choked relief, and Poe finally clued in that something was wrong.

 _It's dark,_ he realized uneasily. _I don't recall returning to my room. Did I forget an entire afternoon again?_ He hated unconsciousness.

"D'I fall down?" Poe wondered.

"You didn't fall, you fool!" Now Ben was angry. That wasn't very fair. "We were both captured."

"Oh, yur kiddin'me," Poe groaned. "No games, Ben. Pls."

"I'm not playing, Poe!" Ben shouted. "Lift your hands and see for yourself. They cuffed you, too!"

 _Wait, what?_ Mystified, Poe twitched his left wrist and felt metal shift as his right wrist followed. "I'll be daft."

"You _are_ daft, Poe."

That hadn't been Poe's choice phrase, so the kid didn't need to tease him for it. It was Ben's fault that Poe had learned to botch profanity. (Mothers were terrifying, and Leia had proved one trick with the Force – she could soap a man's mouth without a twitch of warning.)

Rationality was clouded and Poe struggled to push the trivial memory aside. _Gotta think. Energy cuffs. Captured. Ben, too. Who took us, and why? How did they get on base? What would they…._

His thoughts faded and he clawed at the horrible _nothing_ that replaced them. Shuddering, Poe cradled his head as best he could. _Why'd it have to be now? Can't even think of an escape plan…_

"Poe?" Ben's voice took on a worried pitch. Shuffling noises drew closer, before thin hands patted Poe's face. "It's hurting again."

It was a statement; Ben already knew. Exposed, Poe reluctantly grunted in confirmation.

"I'll get you out of here," Ben swore in a quavering tone. "Just don't fall asleep. Promise, Poe!"

"Mm." Funny how the walls spun even with his eyes closed. He hated concussions.

"That doesn't count!" Ben rocked Poe's shoulder and the pilot moaned.

"Kay… pr'mise. Stoppit, Ben."

Inhaling raggedly, Ben latched onto Poe's sleeve. "I – I think Luke knows we're in danger. He'll be here. Just hang on."

Fear leeched from the kid. Disjointed in mind as he was, Poe still had to take control.

"Kay. Calm down, Ben. S'okay." Just flares behind his eyelids that told him that their captors hadn't been gentle throwing them inside this dingy cellar, that's all. "Contact Luke." The Force was like a communications hub, right? The notion seemed viable.

Blankness stole his vocabulary again. Thinking too much was a crime these days.

"I – yeah – I'll tell Luke." Ben breathed deeply, and Poe hoped the magical Force connection would span however many star systems they had crossed.

"I think it worked?" Ben stuttered. "I mean, I can sense the Force – I think it reached him."

He was unsteady; wavering. Poe didn't have enough strength for them both.

"M'falling 'sleep now," he warned Ben. "Wake up soon… promise…"

"Dameron, don't you dare!" Ben shouted. "Poe, wake up! I'll tell Mother you're disobeying the medical droid. You can't sleep now, Poe! _Poe!_ "

* * *

He woke to rough hands yanking back his hair, and Ben screaming.

"Let him go! Let go, you – " The following Dantooine slang was vulgar even to Poe's numbed senses. "I'll kill all of you! Poe!"

"Enough!" a deeper, croaking voice shouted, before there was a crack and a cry of shocked pain. "Remove the mutt."

Forcing crusted eyes open, Poe searched the blurred shapes. His head lolled and he snapped upright in terror. _Can't lose it now! What're they doing? Ben?_

"Get your hands off me!" Ben screeched. Poe squinted at the writhing, kicking form and then ducked as a holocam flashed in his eyes.

"Send this to the Jedi." The speaker was a pig-like bipedial; that much Poe could differentiate. It looked almost feminine, but he couldn't be certain; foggy heads were terrible when it came to guessing genders.

"Le'm go," Poe murmured as Ben continued to screech. They weren't hurting the kid – Poe could easily pick out the 'I will personally slay you' hollers compared to the shrill 'I'm hurting and someone will pay for this' whines. "Let… Let'im go."

The lights blurred again and Poe heaved, gagging bile beside the pig's boots. A heavy foot slammed into his sternum and he choked.

"Stop it!" Ben shrieked as Poe flopped onto his side. "You filthy sleemo! I'll make you regret this!"

Coughing wet strands, Poe curled into himself to block out the noise. _There should be … things flying,_ he noted distantly. Something always shattered when Ben was upset. _Why's he holding back?_

Enraged gnashing and scrabbling slithered past the haze in Poe's mind. Vainly he tried to raise himself to his elbows. "Let th'kid go," he whispered.

Either Poe was unheard or ignored, as the pig stepped over him and steadied the holorecorder in front of Ben's lashing form. "Send this transmission to Skywalker. We have his apprentice, and the other. Do not offer ransom."

Globous eyes swiveled in Poe's direction before the ringleader ordered, "Kill them both."

"No!" Twisting, biting, Ben reached for Poe in vain. His eyes were frantic and helpless. Finally Poe understood.

"S'okay," he rasped, and somehow above the commotion, Ben heard. The young Jedi's breath caught and Poe forced his mouth to cooperate. "Go ahead. You won't 'urt me."

Swallowing tears, Ben shook his head. "I – I can't! I promised!"

"Ben…" The clouds were drooping again. Poe swung his head upright, fighting for consciousness. "I'm not scared. Jus'do it."

 _"_ I _can't!"_ Ben reached out and then screamed as he was pulled back, a blaster shoved behind his head. Poe hollered, his voice no more than a thready gasp. He was yanked upright and rounded metal dug into his throat. Grey sank into his vision once more. _Ben! Don't hurt him!_

Green suddenly flashed in the fog, and blaster shots ricocheted in swathes of red. Ben wailed and Poe felt his shoulder strike the ground before his head cracked on duracrete. Blackness vaporized his sight.

 _Ben!_ He tried to voice the boy's name and his lips only twitched. Tears coursed across the bridge of his nose, dripping into his hair. _They can't… not Ben… can't have killed… not Ben… not Ben…._

A large, gentle hand cupped the back of his neck, and he fell into the dark.

* * *

Hours blurred. Sometimes Poe woke himself, throat raw and eyes streaming, and reached blindly without knowing _who_ he was looking for. Sometimes he lay silent, unable to open his eyes. Afraid that perhaps it was Leia who took his hand in comfort. Afraid of the ravaged loss he might see as she bravely, selflessly watched over the lone survivor.

Most of the time, Poe dazed. Vague shouts and memories clamored in his head. It was easy just to drift in the cold black, as though he had launched into space and forgotten a tether, and was doomed to pass each star until numbness waned into nothing. He knew he was hurting. His head ached less than before, but the hollowness lingered. He wasn't supposed to be dodging kidnappers and fire bolts when he couldn't even _walk_ properly.

He remembered the blaster shoved against Ben's head.

Poe desperately wanted to ask. His throat cracked with the question every time he woke, and every time he let himself fade. He was afraid of the truth. He was afraid of the lies they might attempt before he _knew_ Ben was gone.

So he drifted. A little more aware one moment, a little closer to _nothing_ the next. He was too brain-scrambled to know which direction was right.

Voices called on either end. He could hear his mom; smell the oil residue and the strong, grassy soap she used to remove bloodstains from her uniforms. Once he thought he grasped his father's hand, and shifted to reality only to discover it was someone else keeping him alive.

It wasn't right to wish for death. Life was craved and the thrill of survival bore each pilot through the next air fight. Poe didn't _want_ to die.

He was just tired of never belonging.

" _Poe_ …."

There was blaster ore and leather on one side; the embrace of his father.

" _Dameron, this is stupid. Wake up already."_

 _That_ particular entitlement was on the wrong side of the wakeful zone.

Curious beyond hope, Poe slogged for the sneering, anxious voice. His skull _burned_ and his mind felt too heavy, but just like the anticipation of a cliff spiral on a windy afternoon, inquisitiveness nudged him where kind words had failed. _Ben?_

"Mother, he twitched! Come quick!"

The clogging mist dissipated and he recognized cold fingers pushing his eyelids up. "Poe? Are you awake?"

"Uh, stahpit," Poe garbled, too feeble to push the intrusion aside. His eyes snapped shut of their own accord, but the hand moved down to incessantly poke his shoulder.

"Poe. Poe, wake up. Poe, stop messing around. You already had one concussion – you're supposed to be better by now. Daft it, Dameron, open your eyes already!"

"That's not… how that curse works," Poe murmured, blinking as the medcenter light finally broke through the haze.

Ben grinned, and the radiance in his eyes was like a glowing lightsaber.

* * *

Three times Poe had to be retold the story of their rescue, and he still forgot most of the details within an hour. Han was infinitely patient, sometimes repeating the same facts five times in as many minutes. Leia was infallible when commanding a degenerated Rebel base, but loss of mind unnerved her; she often slipped away while Han reiterated the last half-hour's conversation. It was the concussion, the medical droid told them. Straining himself too soon after the injury had deteriorated the healing Poe had begun, and it would be months longer before he returned to his full strength.

When the memories finally began to stick, Poe learned that his survival was a miracle in itself, and not simply because his brain had almost shut down. Their captor had been a Gamorrean bounty hunter. Her contacts had been Imperial sympathizers – possibly former officers – who had abandoned their location once the Gamorrean was captured. Apparently capturing the grandson of Darth Vader was their primary goal, and Poe had been taken for extra incentive. The Gamorrean was too nervous to keep her quarry alive; had Luke, Han and Leia not combined efforts in the rescue, five seconds would have ended Ben's life.

The situation was too close. Poe was more shaken by the _almost, could have been_ than his own peril. He didn't need to Force to know that whenever Ben visited, Leia was nearby. It was obvious in the way Han's hand lingered when he ruffled Ben's hair; the increase of security droids in the hall.

There would not be another failure.

"They're not just overprotecting me," Ben stated as he refolded his legs in the chair by Poe's bedside. Three weeks after the kidnapping, Poe could finally track a conversation. "They're scared for you."

Brandy eyes gleamed bright and mischievous and unnaturally certain. Poe raised an eyebrow. "What're you plotting now?"

"I'm not plotting anything!" Ben said defensively. "Why does everyone think I mean ill?" The defiance flitted away and the conniving returned as Ben leaned closer. "You know Mother and Father look after you."

"Mm," Poe grunted. The kid tended to ramble about vague concepts. It was easier to give him an amiable answer and let his crippled brain forget the rest.

"So, it's perfect." Ben flipped his legs around and hugged them, rocking back like a satisfied tooka. "I'll tell Mother this evening that we should adopt you."

Poe choked. Spluttering, mind reeling, he raised his head and tried to grasp the casual declaration. "What?"

Ben frowned dejectedly. "How can I say anything important when you're too injured to listen?" Sighing, he slid off the chair and leaned his forearms on the bunk. "I'm going to tell my parents to adopt you. You know they care. Everyone assumes you're adopted anyways, and next time you're kidnapped Father will have an excuse to tell Uncle Chewie to rip the bad guys' arms off."

Poe's eyes were moist, his head pounding, and he couldn't understand why – of all times – the thought seemed imperative. He remembered crushing loneliness when he was trying to wake, and the comfort of a hand always gripping his own. Sometimes it had been smooth and small, accompanied by the subtle hint of lotion and something he could only associate with the smell of dewy grass in the morning. Sometimes it was like the hand that had caught him when he fell in that dark room; broad and calloused, reeking of engine grease and electric burns. The thought of calling them … of having parents… of belonging to someone…

"Poe?" Ben piped in fearfully. "Why are you crying?"

The vision shattered and Poe raised a hand to his face, startled when he brushed aside tears. "I don't…" Gasping, he cleared his throat and choked, "I don't know."

Ben's eyes grew wide and worried. "It's because you think they'll say no, isn't it? I promise they won't! You'll be my brother and Mother will finally have an excuse to forbid you from sneaking out every night. No one will bully you again 'cause they'll be afraid of what my parents will do." He paused for breath and said wistfully, "Luke might let you help me train, then."

Hope burgeoned in a glowing future and Poe reveled in it for a moment. To know that Han was proud of him for more than his capabilities of keeping Ben in line; to endure Leia's fussing and embraces and know she had every right to scold. To return to the Solos every night, not as an occasional guest but as ….

He couldn't finish the thought, and his heart was crushed with it.

"Don't do it, Ben."

The light in Ben's eyes was destroyed. "What?"

Inhaling raggedly, battening down his own dreams, Poe said shakenly, "Don't tell them."

Ben was right. They couldn't possibly say no. Poe was an invalid; dependent. They would accept him out of sympathy, and Ben would be the sole beneficiary. Poe would always wonder if their expressions were hiding pity or love.

"M'not ready for this," Poe explained poorly. "Just… promise not to speak to anyone about it."

Ben opened and shut his mouth, moisture sparking his eyes. "But … I thought you'd want it." His voice hitched and he backed away, stumbling on his own feet. Focusing on the ground with a deliberate swallow, he turned and ran.

Ben's visits were constant afterwards, but awkward. He never brought up adopting Poe again, even in fun. Poe himself was too uncertain to broach the possibility. He buried it down with his childhood dreams of finding his mother alive.

When he was well enough to take his first flight eight months later, and the Solo family escorted him to his X-wing; when Han slung an arm over his shoulders as though he was already part of the family, Poe almost hinted to Ben that he was certain they would say _yes_.

He was too scared of being wrong.

Years later, when Leia nursed the wound of her lost child and Han walked away, Poe knew he had jeopardized his last chance.

* * *

 ** _Have some angst._**

 _For the record, I did watch Force Awakens again with Poe and Ben in mind. I didn't need a tissue, but I did take Kylo Ren more seriously... until he removed his helmet. No hope for little Benny after that. :/_

 _I was occupied away from the computer during the weekend and I may have double-responded to a couple reviews. **Thank you to Pinky-chan2, Elleth of Mossflower, FoxfaceFan1, Space Opera Singer, BlackxValentine, Agent ERA, CrazedFangirl13, manapi, Real1Swear, AKLNxStories, Lazerkat, Begoogled, time2read, CatWingsAthena, FreelyBeYourself, Nadreth, hannahinthesky44, La Vik, and SilverclawRose for reviewing!**_


	16. Out of Line

_Ben – Age 14 (almost 15) (Takes place 10 months after the concussion/kidnapping)_

"She trusts you," Ben mumbled on a rare day when they were both lounging. He had been quieter around Poe ever since the Y-wing incident. His parents were relieved at the semblance of restraint, but Poe suspected Ben was only limiting himself. There were darker currents beneath the calm.

"Who? The Hosnian Prime representative?" Poe asked, tilting his datapad away from the light.

"Mother."

Poe blinked. "Your mother."

"Who else's mother, Poe? Obviously I'm not talking about yours."

The comment stung, just like Ben knew it would. He'd taken to digging into sensitive nerves lately. Poe was willing to ignore it – he could handle ridicule from a fourteen year old – but this was getting out of hand.

"Watch what you say about my mother," Poe warned quietly.

Ben seemed to take the hint. "I know, she was the best pilot before you were born," he said in paltry apology. "That's why everyone trusts Poe Dameron. Everyone looks up to Poe Dameron as an example of the new generation. Everyone wants Poe Dameron to –"

"What are you getting at?" Poe finally looked up from his datapad, leaning his head back over the armrest to give Ben his full attention.

" _I'm_ the son of Han and Leia Solo!" Ben emphasized. "I should be exemplified as the new generation of Jedi. I'm Darth Vader's _grandson_. But Mother won't trust me with anything! Don't pester me about missions, Ben – you're not ready. Don't question my decisions, Ben – you're not the one in charge. And yet she let you order the subterfuge for the last supply run!"

"Ben, I'm older than you are," Poe argued. "I've had more experience. We were strategizing operations in the first year at the academy."

"I've been training under Master Skywalker for eleven years!" That was Ben's typical excuse for 'I know everything about the world and no one should question my reasoning'. "I know I'm ready. Mother just won't listen!"

Some days with Ben were guaranteed to end with a headache. They rarely saw one another anymore, and those few occasions often ended with Ben stalking away. He whined about Poe spending time with his friends. He complained about Poe's frequent absences, his 'bossiness', his recent lapses of patience, and above all his 'inability to listen'. Not that Poe was surprised by the last accusation – Ben was finicky about who was permitted to speak when he was in the room. The lapses of patience? Simply put, Ben was picking fights and Poe ended more conversations with a lecture than a friendly word. He was hoping this would be one of those rare afternoons when they just talked – no confrontations, no heated barbs.

Ben seemed determined to prove him wrong.

"You could speak with her," Ben suggested hopefully. "She listens to you. You could tell her I'm more than ready for my first mission."

"Ben…." Wearily Poe rubbed his hands over his face. He stared at his blank datapad screen, as though the dark screen would flash the answer he needed. "Ben… you need to talk to your parents yourself. I can't get involved in this."

"Why not?" Ben exclaimed. "You're always there when I need you! What's wrong with helping me now? I would do the same for you!"

" _Ben!_ " Agitatedly Poe ran a hand over his scalp. "These are your parents. A little respect would be acknowledged, I guarantee." His tongue continued babbling, even while he screamed at himself to shut up. "Maybe there's a reason Master Skywalker doesn't trust you."

Silence. Closing his eyes, Poe wound a thread of hair around his fingers and tugged. _Fantastic. Everyone wants to take the kid down a few notches, and the one who stabs him is his best friend._

Ben's voice was unnervingly clear. "I'm glad your parents crashed, Poe."

 _Mom, you'll come back, won't you? Mom!_

The datapad spun into the wall. Swinging to his feet, Poe snagged his jacket and stalked from the room.

"Poe? Wait, I didn't mean it! Poe, come back here! Poe!"

* * *

 **Thank you to Space Opera Singer, Nadreth, barton16, .fire, nerdyninjaunicorn, Elleth of Mossflower, The EarthSong, Igeekthetudors, CrazedFangirl13, Real1Swear, Pinky-chan2, Time2read, and guests Ann and Corrine for reviewing!**


	17. Spread Your Wings, but Come Back to Me

Ben – _Age 14 (almost 15) (Timeline - two weeks after the previous chapter)_

Poe wasn't surprised when he was assigned a mission on his birthday. Ordinarily he would have been disappointed at the anticlimactic blur of time when he could have spent the day with his friends, but his commander seemed to guess he needed a few days away. Poe had seen Ben change during the last two weeks; he was a tight-lipped, stony teen, refusing his own mother a glance. Poe felt equally melancholic. Leia was vexed.

"Will you speak to my son?" she asked Poe, intercepting him before he could reach his ship. "He won't answer to his father. He's _ignoring_ me. I can't seem to get through to him anymore."

Regretfully Poe shook his head. "I don't think he wants to talk to me."

Leia pursed a sigh. "What happened?"

 _Something that's built up for years,_ Poe realized. _Something I should have anticipated._

"I don't know," he told her.

"Meaning you can't tell me, or you won't?" Leia retorted. When Poe failed to respond she reasoned, "I know he's your friend, Poe, but he's also _my son_. I need to know what's happening with him."

Poe adjusted the helmet under his arm, stalling. The helmet was a gift, he reminisced; a carefully chosen present for his last birthday, from a little friend who was once scared of hurting him. Drawing a shuddery breath, Poe nodded – and marked his last, crucial failure. "You're losing him."

Three words in a moment of vulnerability. Three words that severed his friendship with Ben. When Poe returned from his mission, the kid was gone.

"I sent him away," Leia murmured. Brown eyes, orbs that were infinitely expressive compared to Ben's, were murky with uncertainty. "Luke needs to train him alone."

"Gone?" Poe exclaimed. _I saw him here two days ago. They acted so soon?_

"He left you this." Leia pressed a small object into Poe's hand, and he knew immediately what it symbolized.

His old knife with the knicked blade.

The "gift" Ben had kept after one bullying encounter. Mesmerized, Poe turned it in his palm. The handle was worn with use, but the blade was still sharp and new. There was a dent where it might have been thrown against the wall.

"He… asked to leave right away," Leia hesitated to divulge. "He didn't want to say goodbye."

The kid who had slept on his arm until the nerves went numb; the kid who was passionate and determined despite those cold, inexpressive eyes; the kid who used to clomp around in oversized boots and proclaim his future as a pilot.

He resented Poe enough to leave without a farewell.

"I shouldn't have let it get this far," Poe admitted in a rush. He clenched the knife, wondering how many times a thin hand had bitterly gripped the handle. "I should have warned Master Skywalker –"

"We all should have paid closer attention to Ben," Leia interrupted. "This will be good for him." Her voice carried her doubt, even while she said optimistically, "When he comes back, you probably won't even recognize him."

She was right.

When Poe saw the hologram carrying Ben's message of revolution years later; when the Jedi were slaughtered and Kylo Ren was born; when the First Order began to overtake the galaxy: Ben was unrecognizable.

Dark eyes were cold and senseless. There was nothing in Ben's expression to interpret.

Nothing but the shadow Poe had seen in a child many years before:

The birth of domination.

* * *

 _Next up: the confrontation between Poe and Kylo Ren_

 **Thank you to The-Splatoon-Rook 64, Rasasvada98, Nadreth, Space Opera Singer, Agent ERA, Pinky-chan2, Lazerkat, Begoogled, Real1Swear, nerdyninjaunicorn, CrazedFangirl13, La Vik, TheGirlBetweenMindAndSoul, FreelyBeYourself, TheEarthSong, and guests Gunny, Time2read, HuntedRanter, and Corrine for reviewing!**


	18. Ain't the Kid I Once Knew

Coarse sand scoured his trouser knees as he was flung before the enemy. Electric burns from his downed X-wing lanced his fingers, and his stomach ached from the stormtroopers' forced march. Defiance barred him from the truth. _It's only a man in a mask. A stranger._ Jittering blue energy hovered behind him, and Poe felt as helpless as when his arms were tethered in the Force. _Do you plan to shoot me now?_

He intended to forget. His small Jedi friend was gone. Ben was a child; violent tempered, but insecure and kind in heart nonetheless. This monster before him – with a mask concealing his eyes and a name that wasn't ' _Kyber'_ – he had stolen Ben away.

For the inkling of a moment, when Kylo Ren crouched before him, Poe wondered if he could steal Ben back.

"So, who talks first? You talk first? I talk first?" _Are you still there behind the cowl? Do you get scared at night, thinking your dad left and he won't return? Do you wreck innocent machinery? Would you kick a tooka if it crossed your path?_

He almost smiled. Mirth touched his eyes, but he couldn't let it show. Ben hated it when people laughed at him.

 _I'm not laughing at you. Not anymore._

Kylo Ren's response was an order. A demand for information. Poe ridiculed the mask in retaliation. _Would you remove it for me? Tell me it's only a game?_

He expected anger for his mockery, or even nostalgia from the kid he knew. Poe received neither. Kylo Ren dismissed him as senselessly as his masked soldiers. "Take him on board."

 _Someone's not listening to me._ Poe couldn't force the thoughts away as he was hauled to his feet. This was _Ben_ , after all. The kid who had smashed his mirror three times in as many months because he couldn't find the floss. (And stealing Poe's supplies was such a _great_ alternative.) The kid who hijacked his helmet to keep him from leaving on a mission. The kid who used to call himself "Mon Mothma" before he realized it was a girl's name.

But when shots erupted behind him and the villagers screamed, Poe knew his friend was gone. _You did this,_ he recognized even while he moaned a plea, trying to block out the flash of blaster fire. _You knew they were hiding me. You wanted me to hear them die._

His mind shut down at that point. _They're going to torture you. You've been warned about capture._ He couldn't think about failure. About the Resistance. About the kid with an obsession for jello and model B-wings. Poe Dameron could not be vulnerable.

 _Think about BB-8. You have to return for him. You promised General Organa you would have the information for her before the next moon._ Too many lives were at stake. Ben Solo was only….

The dark warrior sat across from Poe, and the pilot bitterly looked away. No signs of recognition. No fissures in his resolve. _His name is Kylo Ren. He means nothing to me._

He remembered a child's stark, defiant chestnut eyes, and he wished his blaster bolt had burned through Kylo Ren's heart.

He couldn't admit that he had nearly collapsed for relief when the Force blocked it in time.

* * *

 **Thank you to Space Opera Singer, Booksnake3, StatsGrandma57, The-Splatoon-Rook 64, The EarthSong, Fangirl4life2001, nerdyninjaunicorn, CatWingsAthena, ZeDancing Hobbit, Real1Swear, Igeekthetudors, .fire, FoxfaceFan1, Nadreth, CrazedFangirl13, Begoogled, and guests Corrine and Guest for reviewing!**


	19. Childhood Passes By

"The map. Where is it?"

Dazed, confused, blinking away the aftershocks of pain, Poe could only stare. _The mask… it's supposed to be white. White with empty eye sockets and a blue lightsaber._

"Enough games, Dameron. You know what I seek."

For an instant Poe's mind cried out _Ben!_ "I don't know what you're talking about," he said vaguely. _No map. No droid. You're not **him**._

"You remember the child of the past. A boy with a whimsical temper. He hasn't changed."

"You're not Ben," Poe retorted quietly.

"My name is no longer Ben Solo. I am more powerful than any Jedi. Nothing else is different."

"He used to yell at me for letting a tooka into his room." Poe's gaze wandered. "He said I was trying to make a girl out of him."

"Enough drivel. Tell me where the map is."

"Why?" Poe raised his chin and challenged the unseeing metal. It was no different than the steely expression of a nine-year-old. "You're wavering," he guessed. "You remember everything."

"There is nothing to remember. Give me the map." The familiar ire was there. Poe gritted his teeth, panting as the Force began pulling on his mind. He flung out memories as a shield.

 _Ben picking raspberry seeds out of his teeth and declaring that such berries were of the dark side. Blueberries were added to the list after Poe spat out a tiny worm._

"These figments are meaningless. You cannot distract me this time." Kylo Ren pressed harder, and Poe retaliated in kind.

 _A wild-haired child leaped across tables, waving a model Y-wing and an Imperial shuttle. Poe's model X-wing lay in three pieces on the floor, shattered by Ben's enthusiastic attack. "I'll just get another," Ben reasoned. "These are Master Luke's, anyways."_

"I will take it from you!" Kylo Ren roared. His anger was familiar; the reaction anticipated. _He'll break my skull like the mirror,_ Poe pondered, seconds before his nerves lighted in excruciation.

Memories shredded under the dark side. Unfazed chestnut eyes. Model B-wings all in a row. Tiny fists slugging an R2 unit before Poe interfered. Melted frosty treat dripping off Ben's pouting chin. _I had to buy him another one 'cause he dropped_ _it._ Thrill breaking through the ruffled expression when the academy instructor permitted Ben to accompany Poe for a freeform flight. Helping Ben pick a new droid that he insisted Luke would want for his birthday, and then covertly smuggling it onto an outbound trade ship when Luke expressed that R2 was the only droid he needed, but he didn't want to crush his nephew's good will.

"You no longer need these," Kylo Ren stated, and Poe screamed as the memories were particled in the Force. _Not those! You can't take them from me!_

He clung to the images. Inky black hair frizzed after Ben's inadvertent nap. Tiny hands wrapped around Poe's knife. Clumsy, unbalanced limbs that bumbled frequently, catching up to a teenager's sharp mind. A shrill voice demanding, ' _Pay attention, Dameron!_ ' Lonely birthdays on either side – Ben, whose parents were often called away, Poe, whose parents would never call him again. Playing the Rebel pilot while Ben flew his "Tie Fighter" – a metal crate painted black, supplied with extra snacks and two fizzy sodas. Holding a sleeping Ben until his arm went numb and Leia returned safely on her birthday. Ben had given her a mushed sweet and two wilted flowers….

One by one the memories shattered. Threads drifted and were individually burned. With agonizing efficiency Kylo Ren examined each second of Poe's past, and removed himself from the pilot's mind. Poe screamed, helpless as his mind was invaded and destroyed. He grabbed for the shards and Kylo Ren dissolved them in his hands. The last sight was of the hologram… Ben's final message as himself, after the Jedi were murdered….

When Kylo Ren rooted out BB-8's location, Poe was too drained to realize it. He tethered the last, faltering light in his mind and clenched his soul around it, hiding it from the enemy.

He was left alone.

He was freed by a stormtrooper who needed a pilot.

He had a droid to find, and a general to report to.

He lost his father's jacket.

They had taken his knife - an old switchblade he'd kept since childhood, with a nicked blade and a worn handle. He couldn't remember the story behind it; only that he had lost it for years and at some point it had been returned.

He remembered his mission. He remembered his parents, and the legacy he carried.

And he remembered that tiny ray of anger, wrapped in a gap-toothed smile.

To the Solo family, the traitor was Ben Solo. To the rest of the galaxy he was Kylo Ren.

To Poe, he was the faint memory of chestnut eyes and screaming fits: a child with too much insecurity and too little control.

He felt like he knew the kid.

* * *

 _TBC_

* * *

 _I had to work around a certain time table to bring Ben from snappy seven-year-old to Kylo Ren. Now that the timeline is finished, I will be focusing more on prompts. Have a suggestion? Really wanted a certain scene? I'll be checking the prompt list from time to time and I'll see how many I can fulfill._

 **Thank you to SuperninjaX, Begoogled, Agent ERA, Space Opera Singer, hannahinthesky44, Lazerkat, feel that fire, nerdyninjaunicorn, time2read, al pal 18, CrazedFangirl13, Tina910, CatWingsAthena, Nadreth, SilverclawRose, The EarthSong, and guests Ann, Guest, and Corrine for reviewing!**


	20. Kylo Ren Makes a Call

After the disintegration of Starkiller Base, Poe sought his own peace. Leia had met him as soon as he landed. _He's alive,_ she had assured. Poe could only think of how close he had come to executing ….

Cursing softly, Poe dragged his hands through his hair. There was _something_ he should remember. A fuzzy image burdened him with guilt when he should be celebrating the Resistance's victory.

 _Two missing front teeth and a gap in the lower jaw. Large ears and a comically hooked nose. "Dameron!"_

Broken pictures and feelings were tangled in Poe's head. He remembered exhausted mornings after inexplicable disturbances the night before. Canron – he hated the stuff, but he wanted to see that blob of jelly again if only to think of … _what_? Something dire had almost befallen BB-8 when they first met. Poe must have been hit by an electric shock and flung into his X-wing. He knew he'd been dizzy for months afterwards, but once again the figment was blurred. _The concussion from the Tie crash must have impaired my memory._

It didn't make sense. There were too many blank holes. Every time Poe tried to fill them, all he could see was Ben. _I don't even remember him growing up. I don't know how he became Kylo Ren._

The thought was ... agonizing. A fist clenching his stomach and he couldn't understand why. _Was he important to me? Did I lose him in the X-wing – no, Y-wing – it was the Y-wing incident. General Organa was there afterwards; Han, too._ There was no reason for the Solos to feel guilty about a cadet bonking his head.

 _There's more to it,_ Poe determined. He hadn't spoken to General Organa since they met in the hangar. She would have answers. _I began training at the academy when I was nine. I must have seen her son on occasion._

Yes, General Organa would know. Poe resolved to speak to her as soon as the Resistance settled. Once Finn woke, and Rey confirmed Luke's possible location, he would ask Leia about Ben.

A chime at the door dragged Poe off his bunk. Sluggishly he released the mechanism and leaned against the doorframe, rubbing the bridge of his nose. _I've been tortured, stranded on Jakku, and led two major battles in as many days. If this is yet another mission, I'm taking BB-8 to find a planet where sleep shifts still exist._

"General Organa," Poe croaked when the door slid open.

Leia stood with arms loosely folded, mouth twisted to one side. It took her a moment to realize Poe had addressed her. One glance at his shadowed eyes rippled her face with sympathy.

"I know this is bad timing," Leia said in apology. "I've asked a lot out of you lately, and you're exhausted. But I need you to answer this call for me." Swallowing thickly, she whispered, "It's Ben. He wants to speak with you."

"Ben?" Poe whispered, dumbfounded. "Why would he ask for me?" _Thick black hair that tore as a frustrated child ripped the knots out with shaky hands…._

Leia's expression contorted. She was as strained as the rest of them – more so, with her recent loss. Still she retained her calm as she patted Poe's arm. "Maybe… maybe you can get through to him where we failed."

He couldn't crush her small hope. Even if Poe felt stupidly inadequate for speaking to Kylo Ren - even if his spine rippled in fear of confronting his tormentor - he could not refuse.

"Okay." Poe gave a small nod, and Leia's shoulders fell in relief. "Um… what should I say to him?"

"Anything," Leia pleaded. "You always knew what he was thinking when he was little. I know this is difficult for you, Poe. I would never have asked this from you, but … you may be our last chance." _Please_ , her eyes begged.

Reluctantly Poe retrieved his new jacket and followed her into the communications center. Several officers were gathered around the hub. Ech'ban smiled wryly when Poe entered the room, while the others shifted uncomfortably.

"Send the transmission," Leia ordered.

Bracing his hands against the control table, Poe breathed slowly and clenched his fingers, fighting down the tremors. _He can't touch my thoughts over the transmission. I have nothing to fear._

Leia drew close and Poe leaned into her presence. She was so close to breaking herself, yet she held strong for all of them. Her courage shamed him.

The transmission crackled to life as Kylo Ren appeared. "I will speak to Poe Dameron."

"He is here," Leia answered, in a voice too fortified for a grieving mother.

The sightless mask settled on Poe and he swallowed.

"I will speak to Dameron _alone_ ," Kylo Ren emphasized.

Leia nodded to her officials. She vaguely raised a hand, signalling for Ech'ban to stay in the room, out of sight. "You can't shoo me away, Ben," she told the hologram. "You shut me out when you were my child. I won't tolerate it now."

The daunting Sith lord seemed flustered. "Your presence is no longer welcome – "

"I am your _mother_ , Ben Solo!" Leia snapped. "You already deprived me of your father, and you will not hide yourself from me as well!"

Kylo Ren's breathing rasped. "He is no longer my father… and you are no longer an acquaintance of mine."

Leia's eyes flashed. Her fists clenched on the console before she whirled away. "Talk to him before I strangle him," she muttered to Poe.

As soon as the doors closed behind her, Kylo Ren yanked his helmet off and shook free a tangled mess of jet-black hair. The scoured mark on his face made Poe cringe. "Finally. I thought she'd never leave. Are you alone, Poe?"

Stiffly Poe nodded. He resisted the urge to glance in Ech'ban's direction.

"Good." Carelessly Kylo Ren tossed his helmet aside. "I need your help."

Staggered, Poe fumbled. "You need … what?"

"Pay attention, Dameron! Force, you're just as daft as when we were children. I need your advice."

Wearily Poe rubbed a hand over his face. He was more delusional than he thought. "What… would you need my help with?" _You can't take anything more from me. I won't let you._

"That girl." Kylo Ren flushed, fiddling with the controls of his lightsaber. "The Jakku scavenger. She's with the Resistance; you've probably seen her. She calls herself Rey – it's not her real name, of course, but you don't need to know her true identity. You had to have seen her."

"I – why are you asking me this?" Those piercing dark eyes… were they _pouting_? A faint memory pieced together. There had been a bullying incident… Ben needed a knife or something.

"Obviously I'm not going to ask _Mother_ ," Kylo Ren spat. "You're the most popular pilot of the Resistance. You have contacts. I need to know more about the girl."

"Why?" Pushing the fragments aside, Poe glowered at the hologram. _She is one whom I will never betray._

Kylo Ren clamped his lips together, looked furtively behind him, and then said in a covert whisper, "I can't stop thinking about her, Poe. This is ridiculous! I hate her, and yet my dreams will not leave me alone."

 _Clomping boots and an oversized pilot's helm. Canron was a child's favorite sweet._ "You _like_ Rey?" Poe hissed as the revelation dawned. "What – no! You can't possibly –"

"It's humiliating enough without your commentary, Dameron," Kylo Ren spat. "I know you remember something about me, or else you wouldn't be arguing right now. I don't need your questions. Just tell me how to gain her affections and I'll leave you alone."

 _Is that a promise?_ the tormented side of Poe almost asked. The rest of him was striving to wake up. _This is a really demented nightmare…_ "I'm not telling _you_ how to woo my friend."

"It's not like I'm kidnapping your droid." Kylo Ren rolled his eyes. "Speaking of which, I can't believe you're still protecting that flimsy BB unit. Didn't I nearly kill you over that when I was fourteen?"

 _The Y-wing incident. It was Ben's fault._ Poe rested his head in his hands, then snapped upright to glare at the hologram. " _You_ threw me into the ship? Over a BB unit?"

"Don't be so dramatic, Dameron. I was aiming for the droid, and you jumped in front of me. It was all your fault."

Now that Poe thought about it, Ben had always been a tad eccentric with the blame games. "It was my fault you gave me the concussion which crippled my memory banks," he deadpanned.

Kylo Ren… flinched. "Fine. I destroyed your memories while you were my prisoner. Stop making a traumatic reenactment out of this and _tell me_ how to convince your friend that I can train her. You know how to influence people. You're the only one she'll listen to."

 _I didn't know I was that popular._ Poe refused to look at the corner of the room, where Ech'ban was failing to hold back his sniggering.

"Stop dallying, Poe. Give me the information I need and I will release you _and_ your stormtrooper friend." Kylo Ren smiled, certain he had relayed an offer Poe couldn't refuse.

Kriff, did he have a headache. Straightening, Poe trailed a finger along the console. "You want the key to Rey's affections?" he said vaguely. _Tell me I didn't actually like this kid once._ "Come and get it."

Sneering at Ben's shocked expression, Poe ended the transmission.

Ech'ban dissolved into howls.

"You realize you just told off the scourge of the Resistance," Ech'ban established as soon as he could breathe properly. "Kylo Ren – terror of the galaxy – scolded like a sneaky twit! Poe, you don't realize how much I missed you two interacting together. Can I accompany you during the next transmission? Especially if General Organa is present? Jessika needs to see this."

"Ech'ban," Poe said uncertainly. He turned to face the pilot, and Ech'ban's smile vanished. Poe shook his head. "He took something from me," he said faintly. Finally, he knew what had been lost. "I don't remember him."

The dark man's eyes went hollow. "You mean… Kylo Ren… he tampered with your memory."

Poe was silent. Ech'ban cursed savagely. "The bastard…."

"Tell me about him?" Poe requested softly. "All I remember is a helmet." And a gap-toothed smile. Melted frosties.

Looping an arm over his friend's shoulders, Ech'ban led Poe from the room. "Where do I start? Once when you were drunk, you dubbed him 'tiny tantrums'…."

* * *

 **And thus the time loop continues. 0_o I have pre-written several prompts already and integrated them into an "aftermath" series. Prepare for humor, angst, and ridiculous scenarios.**

 _(For the record, until December of 2018 I will assume that Kylo Ren and Rey are not related. Deviantart concepts are too cute to resist.)_

 **Thank you to CrazedFangirl13, Pinky-chan2, The EarthSong, Lazerkat, BlackxValentine, Igeekthetudors, Tina910, Iolaire, time2read, Space Opera Singer, Nadreth, SilverclawRose, FoxfaceFan1, Agent ERA, and guests Corrine and Guest for reviewing!**


	21. Blue Fizz Ain't a Kid's Drink

_(Before Kylo Ren)_

* * *

Birthdays were great. A little Corellian "blue fizz", a gathering of friends, greasy foods, hoarse laughter, exaggerated stories, and covert gambling marked Poe's celebration among his peers. He was eighteen and flying his own X-wing, and life was perfect.

And a little dizzying, he admitted when the wall swooped up to kiss his face. Maybe he was a bit tipsy. Ech'ban was pulling out the holocam. Poe rolled his eyes and made a goofy face for the recording.

"Your future wife is gonna love this." Ech'ban snickered.

"Not getting'married," Poe slurred. "M'a pilot! Married ta my new ship. She's beautiful."

Ech'ban looked vaguely concerned. "I think that's probably enough," he warned, indicating the blue, sloshing bottle in Poe's hand. "Your mom's gonna kill me tomorrow, anyways."

Stunned, Poe blinked heavily and sat down. That wasn't a fair dig. "Can't tell her," he said mournfully, thunking the bottle on the seat beside him. "She went down."

Flushing, Ech'ban corrected, "I meant the general." He stood abruptly and hooked a hand under Poe's elbow. "Dameron, you've never tested your limits, have you? Now I feel responsible for all of this and you're – whoah!" He caught Poe before he landed on his face. "Dang it, Poe, General Solo's gonna demote me to ground patrol for this."

"Daft it," Poe corrected, slowly wagging a finger in his friend's face. "It's 'daft it'. Can't say nothin' improbable around th'kid."

Ech'ban nodded. "Yup, I'm doomed. C'mon, Poe. Medcenter is this way. If you sleep it off there, they can handle the hangover when you wake up."

"Corellia's got a weird fizzy soda," Poe reflected.

"It's not fizzy soda, and you drank almost two bottles. We're lucky you didn't let the kid in here." Rolling his eyes, Ech'ban dragged his inebriated friend away from the party. General Solo would have words tomorrow. He just hoped his fellow cadets were coherent enough to take them to heart. Ech'ban wasn't going to be the _only_ one lectured for introducing the Solos' golden boy to a more exciting lifestyle.

Besides, he and Poe had snuck a kyrf behind the barracks when Poe was fifteen. General Solo would understand – after all, her husband was _the_ galaxy smuggler.

* * *

It wasn't Ech'ban who was assailed by Leia's fiery tongue in the morning. Poe was standing with a few cadets by a holoscreen, trying to comprehend a sabotage illustration, when he was dragged away by pointy fingers gripping his ear.

"Poe Dameron!"

Blustering, Poe fumbled to steady himself. _Mom's mad_ was his first thought before reality crashed in. Leia stood before him, hands planted on her hips, wrathful eyes scalding her victim. Poe offered a wobbly salute.

"General?"

"I don't make it my business what the cadets do to celebrate – or forget – providing that it doesn't interfere with their performance when I need them. But _this_ ," Leia enunciated as she pointed behind her, "Is completely irresponsible of you, Poe Dameron."

She'd used his full name. Twice. Swallowing, Poe followed her indication. He pressed a hand over his face as the other pilots chuckled.

Ben hiccupped slightly and leaned against his mother, his expression blithe. "Mum's mad at you," he said delightedly.

"No," Poe mumbled. "How'd he…?"

"He found this in your room," Leia snapped, holding up a familiar blue bottle.

Poe groaned. Ech'ban must have left it on the bunk table as a "friendly reminder" of last night, and Ben had sampled it without question. The stuff must've tasted pretty good to a sugar addict.

"I can explain," Poe began.

"Oh, I can see for myself," Leia retorted. Ben staggered against her and hiccupped again. Snap was barely holding back his snorts. Eyes narrowing, Leia rapped the empty bottle against Poe's chest.

"Ground patrol. Early morning shift. Three weeks."

Ben giggled.

"Is he singing again?" a brash voice called.

Poe moaned and buried his face in his hands as Han sauntered into the room, brandishing a holocam. Deviously Han acknowledged the pilot circle, then waved to his son and spun in a circle. "Remember how Tie Fighters maneuver, Ben?"

"Han –!" Leia began.

"Vrooooo!" Ben demonstrated, spinning until he flopped into his father. Cackling, he fell sideways and threw up beside Han's shoes. The general squeezed his eyes shut.

"I'll clean it up."

"Oh, I'm sure," Leia snapped as flipped the bottle over to a cleaning droid. "Poe is on babysitter detail tonight."

"Ooh, hangover duty," Snap teased softly.

"As long as he takes a recording," Han interjected. He tossed the holocam to Poe, who awkwardly fumbled a catch. "Be there at eighteen hundred sharp. I want a full report on the little tyrant's first headache."

"Han!" Leia rebuked.

"All right, I'll leave the hangover kit for him." Rolling his eyes, Han gingerly lifted Ben to his feet and escorted him at arm's length. "Hey, you! MSE droid! We need a cleaning crew over here."

"You men can't survive without droids," Leia quipped as she swept past Han. Ben hiccupped.

"Is this the dark side?" he whined. "Luke said it feels ugly."

"That's _Uncle_ Luke," Han corrected. "And yes. This is exactly what the dark side feels like."

"I wanna be a pilot," Ben wailed, much to the pilot circle's chagrin.

Han nodded in rueful agreement. "I want you to be a pilot, too, but your mother and uncle have different ideas."

He paused to the doorway and took a moment to gloat in Poe's humiliation. "Word to the wise, Dameron: stick to the kyrf next time, and don't drink too much."

Poe moaned.

It wasn't worth the night guard patrol, or the subsequent riddling, but he still smiled whenever he remembered Ben imitating a Tie Fighter.

* * *

( _Aftermath_ )

* * *

When she sensed the fluctuation in the Force and knew that she would never see Han leave again, never hear him say _"You'll miss me_ ", or _"I know_ ", Leia had to steady herself against the console. She hadn't seen him in years – only sporadically since Ben left – and yet her heart rent as if it had been yesterday when he last kissed her; that morning when he last smiled and said _"You can't live without me_ ". They hadn't said "I love you" in years, but neither had let go.

Now she was alone. The Millinium Falcon would return, and Chewie would walk down the plank without a scruffy nerfherder at his side. She couldn't greet Han, or scold, or mock that same jacket he'd worn since Ben's thirteenth birthday.

"They say we live on in the Force." Leia's voice cracked as she looked up into the starry night. "I sure wish I could feel you right now."

She wrapped her arms around herself and imagined his embrace. She was still cold.

Rubbing the ache in her chest, Leia brushed her eyes dry and returned to the hangar. She straightened her shoulders as she entered the bay doors, reverting to the general façade. Her troops needed her equanimity. Many others suffered loss. Leia had thwarted the Empire after the death of her father. She wouldn't quit now.

As though waiting for Leia's re-entry, a rolling globe of orange and white trundled up and bumped against her leg. _Poe Dameron,_ Leia thought with a shake of her head. She crouched and rested a hand on BB-8's dome, doubting it was her imagination that the droid almost _purred_.

"Where's your pilot?" Leia questioned, searching the hangar. Maintenance crews, a few pilots out of uniform, and sanitation droids bustled around the ships. BB-8 rocked and trilled a few worried notes.

"All right," Leia said, rising slowly as her joints creaked. "Take me to him."

BB-8 rolled straight to the most remote nook in the hangar; the one Leia knew her son and a certain fellow conspirator had graffitied when Poe was not yet fourteen. She should have known he would hunker down someplace familiar. Ducking into the cubbyhole littered with forgotten tools and spare bolts, Leia immediately picked out the dark, tangled hair that so often reminded her of Ben.

Force, that boy was a heartthrob, and yet he still looked like a child, curled up in the clearest space beneath a black outline that vaguely resembled a cowl. Once Leia had owned a holopic of Poe and Ben sleeping against one of the hangar supports, waiting for Han's return. She never forgave C-3PO after he cleaned out her old records.

Losing Ben had broken her heart. Han's death made her believe she could never be well enough to hurt again. But losing Poe….

Scooping up the blanket that BB-8 persistently shoved into the nook, Leia spread it over her pilot and tenderly stroked his hair. Too tuckered out to rouse, Poe mumbled incoherently and nestled into the warmth.

He had often fallen asleep on their couch when he was younger. Bullied by little Ben to stay later than his curfew, and too wiped from early shifts to notice the change in his environment, Poe had spent many a night being tucked in by Leia while Han tossed his boots by the door.

"We should keep him," Han liked to jest when the teen was snugly bundled up. "We have an extra room."

"Don't prod him," Leia insisted. She and Han both understood the loneliness of an orphan lifestyle – Han more than her. He hadn't wanted replacement parents, either.

Poe was independent in his casual way. Every time he fell asleep at the Solo household, Leia felt Ben rouse late in the night and tiptoe to the living room, where she knew Poe was already retrieving his gear. She wished he felt comfortable enough that he wouldn't sneak back to his own room every time, but she couldn't force him to stay. Still, Leia reminisced even now, it would have been nice to call him the oldest son.

Tucking the blanket more gently around Poe's shoulders, Leia backed away and let BB-8 roll past her. The droid cooed in fond comfort and lilted against Poe's side, just enough so that the pilot would know it was there.

 _He doesn't remember anything_ , Leia mourned, and that hurt lanced deepest. She had lost Poe after his capture. The relationship he had shared with her and Han and Ben was simply … gone. She made it a practice never to intrude on her crew's minds, but she had sifted Poe's thoughts just a fraction upon his return. Her instincts were correct.

Only mismatched pebbles remained of a riverbed filled with memories.

Upon Poe's return, he had answered her questions in an orderly fashion. How many enemy troops? Did their numbers vary significantly from the spy reports? Could it be possible that other stormtroopers would defect like FN-2187?

Poe had responded like a pilot. Like a loyal soldier of the Resistance. Upon the first personal question, he didn't know what to say.

"Poe… did you see Ben?" Leia had dared to ask. _Did he reveal himself to you? Did you even know that Kylo Ren was your former friend? How can I help you?_

The confusion in Poe's drawn brow sank her heart. "Was that his name?"

The pain of losing Poe to the First Order never left her. Finn had rescued him from his prison, for certain. He was as steady a pilot as though he had never been captured. Yet Leia knew such bravado was only a shell encasing the hollowness of a stolen life.

Poe Dameron had never returned to her. The last of the Solo family had been destroyed by Kylo Ren.

* * *

 ** _Not counting the non-reviewer population, there seems to be a 70/30 ratio of those who think Kylo Ren has run into the OOC zone (undeniable) and those who think "Kylo Ben" would be wonderful at this point (no regrets)._** _I took some time to think over the plot spin-off I had pre-written, and I have decided I will continue with the current project. If any reader thinks Kylo Ren has been ridiculed as an antagonist, you're right - I refuse to take him seriously in this plotline (note the "humor" genre) - but feel free to tell me in the reviews._

 **Thank you to The EarthSong, JunJunyil, CrazedFangirl13, time2read, nerdyninjaunicorn, Begoogled, Lazercat, Ealleth of Mossflower, Space Opera Singer, and guests Da guy next door, Corrine, and Guest for reviewing!**


	22. Dinner Shenanigans

_(Before Kylo Ren) (Ben is eight)_

* * *

Meals in the dining hall were boisterous and chaotic. Hundreds of languages rattled the air, long and short and squat limbs jammed the tables, and someone's food always wound up being flung onto another being's plate. The dining hall was a perfect atmosphere for secrets and plots. Poe and his friends had discussed their most elaborate pranks over supper. It was easy to pat a fellow cadet's shoulder and leave an inked handprint without being discovered until long after the meal. Companionship was a requirement among so many individuals; if Poe wasn't sitting beside a friend, there was always some tentacled or furry non-humanoid who wound up sharing his table.

The first time eight-year-old Ben dragged him to the Solo quarters for a private dinner invitation, Poe was grounded by the sheer… silence. Ben chattered, of course, and Leia prodded him with so many questions that Han barked at her to "Let the kid eat", but for once Poe enjoyed a sensible meal without an elbow shoving his plate or unspeakable residue speckling his drink.

The single-course dinner and shaded lighting reminded Poe of the few meals he'd shared with both his parents. Nostalgia almost compromised his appetite. He concentrated on Ben's demonstrations of the lightsaber techniques he'd learned that day, minded where he placed his elbows, and noted that Han didn't care how he shoveled food into his mouth so "Hosnian Prime manners" probably weren't necessary on this occasion. The food was good, the generals' questions were limited to Poe's progress and what he liked to do in his free time, Han translated whenever Chewbacca had inquires of his own, and Ben complained largely about the lack of fizz in his drink. It seemed… normal.

Something Poe hadn't experienced in a long time.

"Tell me about Ahdeet," Leia began casually. Immediately her small family stiffened.

"Leia," Han warned around a mouthful. Ben perceptibly flushed and slid lower in his chair.

"Ahdeet?" Poe chewed slowly as he tried to remember. She was a new cadet: bown hair, grey eyes, and a tendency to bark at everyone in the room. She was two years younger than himself, and too snobby for Ech'ban's preferences. She liked tutoring kids, though, and several of the older pilots had already hired her to look after their youngsters. "Um… she picked a droid today. Green R-4 unit."

It was a little early to be choosing an astromech – she hasn't even passed the flight test yet – but Ahdeet seemed intent on her own path. All the power to her; Poe and Ech'ban would stay out of her way.

Ben was suspiciously picking at his food. Poe carefully swallowed. _Oh. So that's what's going on._

Kiddie crushes. Ouch. No wonder Han was embarrassed. Leia seemed to think it was adorable (how Poe pitied his little friend) and the Wookie was just … anonymous. Poe slicked his tongue around his teeth and swallowed again.

"Speaking of droids, I heard rumors that Master Skywalker was going to find a new R-2 unit."

"What?" Han bellowed in disbelief. "I offer him a compact astromech two months ago and he insisted on keeping that battered R2-D2, and _now_ he's looking for a new droid?"

Leia rolled her eyes, looking mildly disappointed. Ben sank a little lower and sighed in relief. When Poe winked, the miniature Jedi's teeth bared in a grimacing smile.

Poe did catch Ben trailing after Ahdeet a couple times. Devotion was ardent in the Solo family, apparently, as she was the only woman he adored for two years. She laughed at his attentions and gave him a stuffed neek. Han dubbed it "Ady" and Ben swept the dishes off the table in retaliation. (Used to such disturbances, Poe snatched his plate mid-air and calmly finished eating while Leia censured her son.)

Despite the infrequent lectures and lousy arguments, Poe always hoped there would be a regular invitation schedule. In an odd sort of way, it was like having a family of his own. Sometimes he caught himself comparing his habits to Han and Leia, and wondering whom he reflected more.

He stopped himself during those occasions. They weren't really his parents.

* * *

 _(Aftermath)_

* * *

When Kylo Ren contacted again, Poe wasn't ready.

There hadn't been much time for Han's funeral. Poe had been in a daze as he held Leia, supporting her while she gave up her brave façade for ten minutes. Only patched memories of a dark haired boy and his father remained in Poe's memories; a father he felt increasingly close to as he learned more about Ben. Han Solo was more than an absent smuggler. When Leia informed Poe of his death, he sank against the wall and gasped, without knowing why.

Somehow Leia guessed what had been taken.

"He was like a father to you," she said jaggedly. "He called you his unrecorded firstborn. He used to boast to Chewie about what a fine pilot 'his kid' was."

"Why can't I remember it?" Poe begged for answers. His heart was wrung and his mind couldn't place the loss.

"Ben wanted you to forget him," Leia asserted. "Han was too closely linked with his memories."

Poe knew he had forgotten much about her, too. So much before his command of the Rapiers was a blank.

"It'll return in time," Leia assured, smoothing a hand through Poe's hair. He felt a nudge and for a moment he saw a fuzzy image of General Organa hovering in the medcenter as he fumbled to drink through a straw. "Don't fight for the memories, Poe. Let them return on their own."

The threads refused to connect, but Poe remembered pain. Once again he had lost his father. A father he now barely knew.

When Kylo Ren contacted him again, he wasn't prepared.

"What do you want?" Poe asked numbly as the Sith removed his helmet.

Kylo Ren looked startled, then irritated. "Stop moping, Dameron; it isn't like you to hold grudges."

"You pilfered my mind, murdered Han Solo, and killed half the Resistance fleet," Poe retorted. "I think I'm entitled to some bitterness."

Emotion flickered across the Sith's eyes for the briefest moment. Poe wondered if he had mistranslated 'regret'. "It was necessary," Kylo Ren said. "Your fleet destroyed my weapon. I was defending myself."

His pathetic excuses sounded familiar and it _hurt_. "You killed Han," Poe echoed quietly.

Kylo Ren shuffled and tucked his helmet under the other arm. "He offered to help me. He accepted his death with honor."

Pulse beats thundering in his head, Poe slid his hand down to end the transmission. He hadn't come here to listen to a soulless murderer justify himself.

"Wait!" Kylo Ren shouted. There was something akin to urgency in his voice as he added, "Don't leave yet."

"If this is about Rey…." Poe glowered at the hologram.

"It isn't. I just…."

 _'I'm sorry,'_ Poe read in those stark, clouded eyes.

At least he would have read that, if this had been _Ben_.

Deliberately he ended the transmission.

He joined Leia for dinner that evening, just so she wouldn't be alone. They were both too upset to eat.

* * *

 **A couple people asked for a "Family Dinner" scene during Ben's childhood. Real1Swear also wanted a prompt with little Ben having a crush. (Originally chapter 20 was the fulfilled prompt, since I could only imagine a scenario with Kylo Ren).**

 **Thank you to Elleth of Mossflower, Nadreth, Begoogled, Lazerkat, nerdyninjaunicorn, .fire, CrazedFangirl13, The EarthSong, time2read, Tina910, JunJunyil, and guests BlackxValentine, Corrine, Guest, Da guy next door, and Guest for reviewing!**


	23. Some Brats Turn Into Pestering Sithlords

The trouble with the First Order was that someone could always defect to the dark side without the Resistance finding out. At least, that was Poe's plausible explanation for how _Kylo Ren_ suddenly obtained his comlink frequency.

"Dameron. I know you're awake."

"I am _now_." Poe planted his face in the pillow and groaned. "Don't you have a planet system to explode?"

"Don't be absurd; it's not like I have a superweapon orbiting every corner of the galaxy. Would you sit up and listen, Poe?"

"You do not have the right to my name," Poe muttered as his eyes slid shut. "It's either Resistance Pilot or Mooka Guardian." Where the last title had come from, he had no idea. These conversations had no right to be held late at night, anyways. "Why am I talking to you again?"

"You're ridiculous, Dameron. I need advice. I can't tell Hux about this, and Snokes already thinks I'm weak."

"Wonder why," Poe mumbled.

"Are you falling asleep? I told you, this is imperative. I don't care if we're on opposing sides of the war – that's what interrogations are for. I need… I need your help." There was a pause, then Kylo Ren said quieter, "You said you would always be there if I needed you."

Somehow even cruel, tyrannical Sith lords could manipulate. Poe had the awkward impression that he might have told Ben everything if the kid had just pulled off his helmet and said ' _Please'_.

"Fine," he grumbled, rolling onto his back. "Tell me why the galaxy's scourge would call me up in the middle of the night. And how did you get my comlink frequency?"

"I don't have to tell you my sources," Kylo Ren said, rather defensively. "I need a location."

"No, I'm not telling you where to find the Resistance base," Poe droned. Honestly, it wasn't like he and the kid shared that much of a past – disjointed memories of "frizzy hair days" and Ben ridiculing his singing in the sanisteam didn't count.

"This is not about the Resistance base." Poe could _hear_ Kylo Ren rolling his eyes. "Your friend, Rey; she left on a mission and I can't track her."

"No. No, no, no." Poe sat upright, lecturing the comlink as he nodded for BB-8 to record the conversation. "I already told you, leave Rey out of this."

"I'm not after your precious _girlfriend_ ," Kylo Ren spat. "Although take my advice, Poe; you're too old for her."

"She's not my girlfriend, and you and I are not on first name terms!"

"Stop stalling," Kylo Ren stated. "I need the location of the planetary system she is searching for. I think I know where she can be found; a watery planet with an island. What coordinates do you have?"

Gaping, Poe streaked a hand through his hair and barked a laugh. "You think I'm going to tell you how to track her down?"

"Not Rey, you fool! Luke!"

Poe waved away BB-8, who was agitatedly trying to join the conversation. "I'm a _Resistance fighter_. I'm not going to betray their only hope."

"Fine. I'll retrieve the map from that BB unit."

"Touch BB-8 and so help me –"

"Your weakness is defending useless astromechs."

"Watch what you say about my droid!"

"Force, Poe! It's a machine!"

BB-8 rattled in disagreement and Poe held the comlink at arm's length as Kylo Ren continued to rant.

"It doesn't have feelings, it was mass created in a _factory_ , it can be disabled with a spliced wire, and you probably adjusted its memory banks to make it a sentimental creature."

Poe yanked the comlink back to his ear and enunciated in clipped tones, "Never. Insult. My droid."

BB-8 chortled and poked out its lighter in a 'thumbs up'. Poe gave it a second glance. _Who taught you that?_

"Fine," Kylo Ren snapped. "You were always overdramatic about insentient beings. Now will you give me the coordinates?"

"Why do you want to speak to Luke?" Poe tallied off the possibilities in his head. _Kill Luke. Deliver Luke to Snoke. Kill Luke and laugh in Hux's face. Deliver Luke to Snoke and laugh in Luke's face. Prove yet another insensible point. Drop him off at Leia's doorstep._ Oh, he'd kill Ben if he tried that. She'd suffered enough already.

"Obviously, he's in my way," Kylo Ren answered. "If I can kill Luke, I'll prove to the Supreme Leader that I am worthy of completing my grandfather's work, and Rey will be forced to train under me."

Kriff, this was worse than he'd thought. Scrubbing a hand over his face, Poe summarized, "So you want to kill your uncle to prove that you're capable of doing someone else's job, thereby leaving Rey with no choice but to pick you as a master because all the other Force-wielders are dead."

"Yes! Finally you understand. I was starting to believe you were as…. Wait. You're laughing at me, aren't you?"

Poe blocked his sight with one hand, trying to ignore BB-8. The droid's expressions describing Kylo Ren were lethally droll. "I'm just thinking… You really aren't making a name for yourself, are you?"

"What are you talking about, Dameron? I would have won the war if not for your flight team's ambush – which I shall never forgive you for and you _will_ regret if you are captured again. I destroyed the Jedi and carried out my grandfather's legacy. The galaxy fears me."

"The galaxy fears Snoke," Poe corrected. Was he always lecturing Ben when they were younger? This was kind of fun. "I'll admit, you're pretty scary when you're gunning down helpless villagers…" _And I will never forgive you for that, even if you were to assassinate your "supreme leader" and disintegrate the First Order._ "But you're not original. You stole your grandfather's mission, you wear a plated mask, you recreated the Death Star, and you slaughtered hundreds of Jedi. From what I can tell, you copied Darth Vader's historical notes and you're still afraid that Snoke doesn't like you."

Ominous silence indicated that Kylo Ren did not appreciate lectures. "You're a fool, Dameron," he said at length, and the comlink shut down.

"He still can't stand it when I don't agree with him," Poe told BB-8 as he tossed the comlink to the other side of the room. Flopping onto his bunk, he snuffled into the blanket and closed his eyes. "Tell General Organa I need a new comlink tomorrow," he mumbled. "Burn this one."

For once, he didn't close his eyes and see slitted masks and gloves that rippled with the Force. It was kind of hard to be scared of a kid who called him up just to gripe about annoying relatives. _Ben used to complain about his dad,_ Poe reminisced. The thought brought on its own pain, and he resolved to forget Kylo Ren until the morning.

Leia would want a report on their conversation.

* * *

 **Thank you to Nadreth, Space Opera Singer, Myrrate-Sade, NerdyNinjaUnicorn, SilverclawRose, BAD WOLF1221, Elleth of Mossflower, Real1Swear, Lazerkat, The EarthSong, JunJunyil, time2read, CrazedFangirl13, hellraiserphoenix, and guests Hunted Ranger, Corrine and Guest for reviewing!**


	24. Idle Threats

Gunny suggested a "first crash for Poe" scene where Ben senses disaster. The beginning started out with beautiful angst… and then I started writing after dark. I will never take Kylo Ren seriously. 0_0

 **Warning** : Ridiculous scenarios ahead (with a dose of tissue warning at the very end).

* * *

 _(Before Kylo Ren) (Ben is ten)_

* * *

The announcement of Poe's first real mission preceded a ten-year-old Ben barreling into his room.

"You're not leaving!" Ben exclaimed, watching in horror as Poe strapped on his vest.

"I've got a mission," Poe said after he recovered from his surprise. _I could swear I locked that door…._

"You can't go!" Vulnerability shattered dark eyes and Ben raced to intercept Poe's helmet. "No!" he shouted, jerking it from the pilot's hands. "I heard Mother overview the mission. You'll be killed. I won't let you go!"

"Ben." Alarmed, confounded, and now infinitely concerned for the teenager's state of mind, Poe crouched before him. "Ben, I have to go. I know there's a risk. Any one of those pilots could die – could be me, could be one of my friends. That's what they prepared us for in the academy. Our job is to preserve the republic."

"But you'll die!" Ben shouted. "I know! I've seen things! I saw your ship on fire. There was a man with a red sword standing over you. You can't leave, Poe!"

"Ben, _Ben!_ " Poe gripped the child's shoulders and exhaled slowly, lost for words. "Dreams and visions can be funny," he said at last. "Not even Master Skywalker can predict the future. Maybe someday I'll be captured, but I have friends to back me up. We pilots look after each another." Lightly he added, "Who knows; you may be the one rescuing me someday."

"Don't joke about this," Ben hissed. "You know nothing!" He flung Poe's helmet against the wall, then grabbed the pilot's jacket. "Promise me you'll come back – even if it means failing the mission. Promise me you won't die!"

Heart sinking, Poe shook his head. "I can't do that, Ben. I think you know that, too."

Cold dark eyes brimmed with tears and the 'fresher mirror exploded behind them. Tearing away from Poe, Ben ran.

He was waiting in the hangar two days later, when Poe's squadron returned. One X-wing had been downed. Poe was grieving his own comrade when thin arms latched around his waist.

"I knew you'd come back," Ben sniffled. "My vision changed."

Too dazed to respond, Poe ruffled the ink black waves. Ben's grip tightened.

By the third mission, Ben had stopped trying to predict the outcome. He ignored Poe's departures, and Leia commented that he was abnormally quiet whenever the pilot was absent. Poe couldn't help the feeling that something had changed.

Ben was slowly detaching himself.

* * *

Poe was seventeen the first time he crashed. Ben was eleven; innocent and yet teeming with independence. Poe remembered the euphoria of flight, the thrill of a mission, and a yell from his leader before he veered into a tree and his right wing exploded.

Poe vaguely remembered spinning, ejecting out of his cockpit, and spiraling as his parachute hooked around a limb. He saw the spear of a broken branch speeding towards his face and his only thought was _'What a stupid way to die'._

In a flash he knew he would lose an eye at best. Half his face and skull, most likely. The branch filled his vision and –

He snapped against a current, bashing the opposing side of the trunk. _Kriffing Force!_ Poe had been on the opposing end enough times to recognize a power play. _Tell me there's not a dark Jedi on this planet._ Or stars have mercy, one of Luke's apprentices. General Solo would kill him when she heard the Blue Leader's report, never mind an account from one of her brother's trainees. _As if I wasn't dead already._

But he wasn't – miraculously – and he was detangled from his parachute hours later by an irate, aged captain who dragged him before General Solo, bruised limbs and swollen shoulder ignored. Leia was already fuming.

"My _son_ told me what happened," she said as soon as the Blue Leader left the room.

Ben peeked out from behind the holovision and waved proudly. Poe cradled his swollen arm.

"The Force interference?" he mumbled.

"Uh-huh." Striding forward, Leia cursorily examined the cut on Poe's eyebrow and lightly pressed his shoulder. She tutted when he hissed. "Medcenter. Now. You're on ground duty for the next three months."

Ben snickered.

"You can thank him that you're here," Leia snapped when Poe glared at her son. "If he hadn't sensed that you were still alive, the search party would have assumed you were dead on impact."

Relief battled with the scold in her eyes, and she nodded once more at the door. "Get yourself patched up."

"I saved you!" Ben called over her shoulder. Numbly Poe waved him off and skittered.

He was grounded for three months. He suspected it should have been five. Sometimes he wondered if he had been adopted after all, and he wasn't sure how Ben knew that before he did.

* * *

 _(Aftermath)_

* * *

That had been years before Kylo Ren. Poe was smarter now. Faster. Trees feared him. (And Rey respected trees, which meant that Poe couldn't blast the branches that blocked his path anymore.)

He still wasn't invincible.

It was no surprise to Poe when he woke one morning _below_ his open cockpit, sticky sap gluing one eye shut and blood smeared across both hands. His first thought was for BB-8. A trill of frantic whistles told him that the droid was still locked in position, and likely had been for some time.

"Ow," Poe murmured, lifting a hand to the gooey mass on his face. Tree sap. Why was he always plagued with irony? _Looks like the little guy wasn't here to rescue me this time._

It must have been a memory; the dream of his first disaster and Kylo – Ben's interference. He knew that it fit. Slowly his mind was restoring itself, piecing together the stories that had been ripped away.

"Stay calm, Dameron."

The voice which crackled above Poe nearly shocked him into unconsciousness. Gasping through the buzzing in his head, Poe searched the forest until he saw his comlink indicator blinking above him.

"I've already alerted the Resistance of your location," the voice continued. "It's only a matter of time before they find you – or the First Order annihilates your ship – so stay where you are."

"Ben?" Poe croaked.

" _Kylo. Ren,_ you fool," Kylo Ren said heatedly. "I renounced my childhood years ago."

"Why're you calling me?" Frowning, Poe glanced at BB-8 and shrugged in confusion. Funny how coherent he felt when he was properly irked. "How'd you get my comlink frequency? _Again?"_

"You're a friend of my mother's, Poe." Kylo Ren sighed. "Obviously she wanted to keep in contact with me somehow."

"Your mother gave you my frequency?" Poe let his head fall back against the ground. _Perfect. I'm babysitting a Sith lord._

"Your brains are worthless," Kylo Ren chided. "Pay attention – and don't fall asleep. I need you alive if the First Order captures you."

"So relieved you care," Poe snarled. Another thought struck him and he bolted upright, gasping as his neck panged. "BB-8!" The fear was shouted before his brain could rationalize it away.

"Relax, Dameron," Kylo Ren droned. "I'm not hunting your droid. I have _better_ things to do. Besides, it's so much more entertaining to follow my sister around and pretend I know where her precious Jedi Temple is."

"What sis – Rey? What – no! No!" Falling back, Poe clapped a hand to his head and groaned. "You're crushing on your own sister?"

Kylo Ren _sniggered._ "You're absolutely gullible. Don't be daft, Dameron. We're hardly related, but she's so riled by the notion that it'll be easier to propose to her once she learns her true heritage."

"You're disturbing," Poe grated.

"And you're repetitive. I'm sending my scouts in. Mother had better be there soon."

"So you're helping me," Poe realized, his unsealed eye widening at the absurdity.

"I'm giving you a fair chance," Kylo Ren corrected. "If you're captured I'll just have to kill you. This gives me more time to locate Skywalker."

"That's a flimsy excuse," Poe retorted. _I'm still being patronized by a Solo._

Kylo Ren coughed painfully and muttered, "If I kill you she'll never speak to me again. Besides, you're the only one who ever... It's complicated."

"I'm talking with Rey when I get back," Poe warned. "If she's side-dealing with a Sith lord –"

"It's not like she's your girlfriend. Back off already!"

"She's Finn's!" Poe exclaimed. "You're on the wrong side, anyways!"

"FN-2187?" Kylo Ren growled. "I knew I should have focused on his assassination. How important is he to Rey?"

"Erm…." Technically Finn was more interested in Rey than the other way around, but Poe didn't need a Jealous Stormtrooper vs. Lord of Tantrums squabble – especially since _he'd_ have to get involved. "Forget it. Tell me how you're going to capture Luke."

"You can't evade me that easily, Dameron. Tell me what FN-2187 is plotting."

The conversation sounded uncannily like the "interrogations" he used to play with Ben when the former Jedi was still running around in brown coveralls. Ben would be the Imperialist "testing" Poe's mettle by asking lengthy "important" questions, while Poe changed the subject as many times as it took Ben to forget the original question.

"I think we're reverting to childhood," Poe mused.

"What are you talking about, Dameron? … Are you conscious still?" There was a slew of profanities that Leia would have slapped Ben's mouth for if she'd heard. "Too late. In a few minutes you will be surrounded by your allies. If you die on their watch I will reprogram your droid to assassinate FN-2187. You have exactly two weeks to recuperate before I capture you for interrogation."

"Is this going to become a pattern?" Poe yelled. He could see it now; the endless chase of 'Beat up Poe while Kylo kisses Rey and Finn bosses all the stormtroopers'. "A prisoner is a pawn – I get it – but this is ridiculous!"

"You could be Hux's prisoner. I'm sure you'd appreciate his interrogations."

"You're a rancorous butcher and a murderer," Poe stated. "We are not buddies." He blamed it on a concussion. Had to be a concussion. No other reason this conversation would be rattling through his head right now.

"And you are delirious and susceptible," Kylo Ren fired back. "Your ships are approaching. I'll speak with you later, Dameron." On afterthought he grumbled, "Tell Mother I'm not listening to her holograms."

"Yeah. Sure." Conversations with a Sith lord. This seemed eerily normal.

The comlink was silenced just as the whine of X-wing fighters resounded in the distance. BB-8 chittered from above.

"Yeah, I know," Poe griped, closing his eyes in frustration. "I can't understand that kung. He just – he just killed his own father, and I hate him, and now he's chattering to me about Rey and Finn and – and – "

It was the concussion. Had to be a concussion. No other reason he would fling an arm over his eyes and let it all out.

Wishing for the past.

Wishing for the days when he actually knew the kid.

Wishing he still had _Ben_.

* * *

 **Thank you to Elleth of Mossflower, My5tic-Lali, CHiPsfangirl, time2read, Lazerkat, JunJunyil, hellraiserphoenix, nerdyninjaunicorn, CrazedFangirl13, and guests HuntedRanger, Corrine, and Guest for reviewing!**


	25. Just a Broken Wing

_(Before Kylo Ren) (Tag to Chapters 14-15)_

* * *

After "The Y-Wing incident", things changed. It was more than the kidnappings and the liability issues. Something flickered in Ben's eyes and he strayed further from Poe, avoiding him whenever it was politely permissive. His "subtle attempts" to disengage himself would have been taken personally if Poe hadn't noticed the quivering lip whenever certain cadets walked by.

Three months after the last hostage session, once he was taking light classes to review his memory capabilities, Poe cornered Ben in one of the narrower halls.

"Hey, Buddy, what's going on?" Poe asked softly when Ben clipped his mouth shut and moved to step around him.

Brandy eyes flickered. "Nothing. I'm s'posed to be training."

The downward mumble was becoming worryingly characteristic of the youngest Solo. Ben sidestepped again and Poe mimicked the dance, crouching to the teen's eye level. His back twinged, reminding him that sudden movement was not appropriate.

"Tired of my company?" Poe commented, absently rubbing one stiff knee. "I'd have made other plans for dinner tonight if I thought I'd be a bother –"

"No!" Ben interjected hurriedly. He colored and scuffed his foot. "I mean, you're invited. Wouldn't be right to say you can't come." He wriggled his shoulders apprehensively, glanced sideways, and repeated urgently, "I have to train. Master Skywalker is expecting me."

 _Master_ Skywalker? The kid was beyond apprehensive. "Ben, what's going on?" Poe repeated in a near whisper.

Another sidelong glance. Poe tracked Ben's gaze to a small huddle of pilots. They were poised to intervene.

"Buddy, have they been saying stuff?" Poe whispered.

Ben inhaled sharply. "They all say I shouldn't be near you," he gushed. "I could hurt you again – you're always in danger when I'm around. You should go, Poe!" Fear pitched his voice. "I – I won't use the Force on you – I promised – but something bad always happens when –"

Exhaling in a long gust, Poe calmly put a hand over Ben's mouth and waited until the frantic gasps quieted. "Ben, I'm going to say this once," he assured. "What happened was an accident. You've never intended to hurt me."

"But I did!" Ben squeaked. His stance was becoming more agitated. One pilot shifted closer, before Jess put a hand on his arm.

Poe flickered a glare in their direction before waving a hand out to Ben. "Come on. We're late for dinner already."

Ben shied away. "They're right, aren't they? Even Father thinks so."

Tching, Poe leaned closer and whispered in Ben's ear, "You know what? I don't give a daft."

Cluelessly Ben drew back. "You need the medical droid."

"Nope." Deftly Poe latched an arm around the young teen's waist and boosted him onto his shoulder. "Grab on, Darth Mynock."

"Poe!" Ben shrieked softly, automatically adjusting himself on the older teen's back. "I'm too old for this, you great worrmp!" He looked worriedly at the cluster of pilots and Poe snarked a laugh.

"Who's too old for – _oof_ – tauntaun rides?" He grunted as he straightened. The kid was heavier than he looked. Whistling nonchalantly, Poe strolled for the Solos' quarters, his expression as nonplussed as if he was sliding a tooka kit into Ech'ban's uniform. Ben griped for several more minutes before he slid down, mortified by the attention and yet awed to be noticed. If the extra weight forced Poe to step gingerly lest he stumble, and if he was exhausted by the time they cleared the third hall, the pilot never indicated any discomfort to his passenger.

He noted the decrease in Ben's skittish behavior afterwards. Even if they didn't approve, the pilot factions respected Poe, and they knew when he was trying to make a point. They left Ben alone.

He was still a lonely, mistrusted child. The flyers never forgave one who had injured their own.

* * *

( _Aftermath_ )

* * *

"That's a new one." Jessika was the first to notice the thin scar just below Poe's hairline. She touched it briefly, her eyes dark with compassion. "Stormtroopers," she spat.

"We weren't exactly on friendly terms," Poe said lightly, brushing the mark with his thumbnail. "I may have stepped on Kylo Ren's robes; tripped him up a bit. They took offense."

Jess smiled for his sake, but the joke was meaningless to her. "I can't believe we got you back," she fretted. "Any rescue on our part would have been suicide. General Organa hoped you were simply delayed. She said she had that gut feeling you were alive, but some of our scouts found the villagers. They were all –"

"Stop," Poe said raggedly, rubbing an older scar in habitual distress. The upraised line on his scalp still ached when the padding on his helmet wore away.

Jessika flinched. "Poe, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up." She looked away, unable to _fix_ anything, and finally said with false cheer, "Well, at least they didn't ram your skull in. After what that kid did, we all thought you'd never fly with us until –"

 _Stricken, jaded eyes as Poe rejected the opportunity to have a family. Making faces in the mirror besides a dark haired brat who tried to make his tongue as yucky-looking as a sarlaac's_. _(Dairy products were good for creating the yellow layering.) Falling asleep on the Solos' couch and waking up to find a blanket spread over his shoulders and his boots nestled by the door with everyone else's..._

Shaken, Poe grabbed his helmet and lurched for the door, leaving Jessika apologizing mid-sentence.

 _I knew him!_

* * *

 ** _In answer to guest reviewer HuntedRanger's question:_** _Thanks for the prompts - I've written them down for possible future chapters. Finn and Rey both have their own scenes coming up. I haven't forgotten them. ;)_

Space Opera Singer wanted a scenario where Ben cut himself off because the others thought he was "too dangerous" around Poe.

 **Thank you to JunJunyil, BAD WOLF 1221, Space Opera Singer, erinblake18, Lazercat, CrazedFangirl13, and guests Gunny, Corrine, HuntedRanger, and Guest for reviewing!**


	26. Scars and the Memories Therein

_(Before Kylo Ren) (Ben is thirteen) (Timeline – before "The Y-wing Incident")_

* * *

"I want to be rid of a pest," Ben announced.

Poe glanced up from the wire he was whimsically knotting (it was a dull morning) and scratched a nail against one tooth. "I didn't put the tooka kits in your room this time."

"Not those – _her_." Savagely Ben pointed behind him. A small, furry creature gasped and ducked behind the wall, brown paws curled around the doorway.

"Oh." Chewing the inside of his cheek, Poe rubbed the back of his neck. So the rumors were true. Solo family gatherings had been a little _odd_ since contact had been established with Endor's moons.

"You can speak to her," Ben declared. "Make her go away!"

The little kit whined, pressing chubby paws against her mouth. Coughing on a splutter, Poe braced a hand against his mouth and cleared his throat. "Well, she's … a young lady, Ben." He willed his face to stop glowing. "I imagine that – _cough –_ being a friend of the family, you would do the Solo heritage honor by showing her around the base."

Ben wanted his death. Kriff, that kid was deadly.

Blowing out slowly, Poe turned on his heel and strolled away, forcing a breathless whistle.

"You're a fatuous, fungus-ridden Exogorth!" Ben screeched after him.

 _I know,_ Poe mused with a devious grin. _And it's a wonderful feeling._

* * *

 _(Aftermath)_

* * *

"Tell me about him?"

Invitation was usually required before speaking to General Organa while she was off-duty. The few hours Leia had to herself were precious and scarce. Poe hoped she wouldn't mind an exception.

Hand sliding down the doorframe, Leia sighed. Pity glimmered in her eyes before she beckoned for Poe to enter. "About my son?"

"I know there's more to this," Poe said as he slipped inside. He fidgeted, unable to sit, too awkward to stand. Leia settled herself on the arm of a chair and absently rubbed her arm.

"He was special to Han," she said quietly. "Unpredictable, vivacious, eccentric, but… cherished. Even I couldn't make Han smile the same as when he held Ben." She looked down at hands that were worn by years, by heartache, by sorrow.

"I'm sorry," Poe murmured. He felt foolish for bothering her.

"He was special to you, once," Leia said gently. "You used to come over for dinner. Every week if I could help it. I remember seeing you two together and imagining you were brothers. You had a way with him that no one could understand."

"Did he do this?" Poe wondered, fingering the scar on his scalp. He knew it had to be right – he shouldn't be surprised that Kylo Ren had hurt him in the past – but imagining that Ben hated him felt surreal.

Leia cringed in age-long sympathy. "There was an incident." She sounded as though she had presented this apology time and again. "Ben was furious with me for restricting his training. I told him we were considering sending him away – for his own benefit, of course – but it was cruel of me to threaten. I didn't know what to do with him….." Sighing deeply, Leia summarized, "He threatened a droid, is what the pilots told me. You stepped in his way."

She raised both eyebrows and Poe sheepishly ducked his head. "I guess I always was running into trouble."

Leia hummed in agreement, but her gaze was sober. "I was terrified when I saw you. Han and I were both there. He held you down while you thrashed. I thought you were gone. I thought….." She turned aside, lost in memory. "I thought you would wake in the medcenter, and your mind would be destroyed. I couldn't watch; Han had to report for me. You were so full of life."

Drawing back into herself, Leia spread her hands in a semi-shrug. "Ben was devastated. He wouldn't eat until Han forced him, and even then it was difficult to keep him out of the medcenter. He wouldn't rest until you woke."

"He wasn't there," Poe said faintly. He remembered retching, and the lack of a certain presence. "I thought he was angry with me."

Leia rose and walked to the windows, hugging herself. "You changed him, Poe. That's why he's holding back now. That's why you returned to us."

"You think he released me?" Poe surmised. "He would have killed me on Jakku if….?"

Leia rubbed her forehead, clouded with uncertainty. "I don't know. I thought … after his father… there was no hope. But you…." Glassy eyes sought Poe for reassurance, even though she knew he had none to offer. "Poe, you're all I have left. And you're all _he_ has left, too."

"You think I could change him," Poe asserted.

Exhaling raggedly, Leia shook her head. "I think he's changing himself. You're the deciding factor."

All Poe read into her words was the memory of a past burden. _You're responsible for his fate._

* * *

 **.**

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* * *

 **(Lazerkat wanted a "someone crushes on Ben scene".)**

 **A few of my reviewers have been kidnapped by the First Order again. I blame it on Hux's evil program where humanoids are boxed into a classroom for hours on end. Stay strong, my Resistance allies! (And First Order spies... you too.)**

Thank you to Rinter, Lazerkat, feelthatfire, lunarchronicles andcockatiels, Miss Corrine, BAD WOLF1221, hellraiserphoenix, JunJunyil, and guest HuntedRanger for reviewing!


	27. The Cataclysm Which is Ben Solo

_(Before Kylo Ren) (Tag to chapter 12)_

* * *

Captured by irrational bounty hunters, Poe wasn't there to see the cataclysm that was Ben when a friend was lost. When his _only_ friend was lost.

Han was left alone with his son for two hours without a babysitter. He swore they would never lose Poe again – even if it meant demoting him to paperwork until Ben passed the teen years.

His first alert should have been the ragged scream from Ben's room. Too occupied with a wailing com unit for which Leia demanded _immediate_ repairs, Han assumed his son had slipped in the shower and failed to achieve an "awesome" scar like his grandfather. Kid needed an occupation.

When objects began flying around the room, he blamed Leia – and called her out on it.

"Control your son!" Han shouted above the soldering gun. Ben was his son when he was a dang good pilot (kriff, he was confusing the kid with his best friend again). When Ben showed _any_ affinity towards electronics or flight detail (the years when he paraded in a pilot suit were the happiest of Han's life), then he was _Han's_ boy. The Force tantrums and mayhem with a lightsaber? All Leia. Kid was Leia's problem.

Another scream ripped the air and Han jumped, scalding his hand. "Leia!"

Of course she was busy _elsewhere_. Danged republic always kept her away. So who was it that the furball of uncoordinated dark hair and brooding melancholy ran to? Han grunted as Ben charged him from behind, tiny hands latching around his waist.

"Hey, let me – just give me a moment to put this down," Han insisted, glad he had switched off the soldering gun before Ben jumped into the flame range. Setting the tool aside, he wove between Ben's hands and _oofed_ again when the dark head dove against him.

"He's gone, he's gone, he's gone! I can't feel him!"

"Poe!" Han yelled, hoping the kid was somewhere within earshot. Of course he was never so lucky. "All right, calm down, Ben. Who's gone? Feel what?" Oh, the Force was real all right, and it manifested in a boy who was obsessed with sugary treats and shattering valuable heirlooms.

Ben screamed again, and Han rolled his eyes as he laboriously twisted free enough to lower himself to one knee. "Ben, _breathe!_ "

Ragged gasps were punctured with frantic words as Ben stammered shrilly, "He's gone! He's gone, I can't feel him!"

"Who?" Calming the kid was like rescuing a tooka kit from a rancor. Sometimes Han thought it would be easier just to draft Poe into the family. "3-PO, get Dameron over here!"

"He can't!" Ben wailed, and the hysterics finally broke down into sobs. "He's dead! He's dead!"

"Who's dead?" Aggravation fled into alarm and Han gripped Ben's shoulers with gentle firmness. "Ben, slow down." Dread crept into his words as he said with quiet fervor, "Where's Poe?"

Ben screamed.

* * *

Luke was Han's first call. Leia had already sensed her son's turmoil and was there in ten minutes, drawing Ben away from his father and holding him while he cried. In other circumstances, Han would have removed all breakable objects from the vicinity. Now, he only ducked a flying hydrospanner and plugged one ear while ranting at Luke.

"What do you mean, you can't sense him? You're a Jedi. Use the Force. I don't care who you're training; get that kid back here before I initiate another war."

While Leia escorted Ben to another room, Han alerted all commanders, barking at Chewie to hack the international com systems and watch for a transmission indicating a recent bounty. There were billions of networks in the galaxy; too many to believe that any one could direct them to Poe … or his remains. But until they found what was left, Han would assume that the young pilot was alive.

He didn't need more than a glance at Leia to know that she felt the same. Her expression was unfazed, like the general who had fought beside him on Endor, but dark eyes reflected his fear. This kid wasn't just any upstart pilot. He was their brat, and they would see him home. One way or another.

Han was wired and unprepared when he was contacted by the kidnappers themselves. He thanked what little Force he believed in that Leia had taken Ben away, as it was all he could do to keep from smashing the console himself. The Adnerens didn't want currency or information. They wanted Luke Skywalker in carbonite – in exchange for returning his _apprentice_ alive.

They had targeted Ben. However unintentionally, Poe had taken the place of Han's son.

It wasn't a fair exchange.

In between communications, Han informed Ben of the situation. He kept the information brief: _Poe is alive and we're going to get him back_.

The panic attack flipped into an angry tirade as Ben demanded action, which most likely involved an army and a torpedo attack in the twelve-year-old's mind. Han shrugged despairingly at Leia and left her to appease _her_ son while he and Luke formulated a coordinated strategy.

By the second transmission, Han was prepared. An informant had given them the Adnerens' probable location. He trusted Luke and Chewie to take care of the rest.

He was still tense until they showed him Poe.

All of Han's control was centered in his clenched hands when they dragged Poe forward, blindfolded and cuffed. He wished for Ben's abilities right then; nothing would have been more satisfying than to hear the crunch of the Adnerens' filthy necks. He was forced to wait – reliant and excruciatingly fallible – until his hairbrained in-law charged to the rescue.

The anguish dimmed minutely when Poe started babbling an apology, and Han had to shut him up before he betrayed Ben's concealment. (The last thing he needed was for the Adneren tyrant to butcher a young pilot in retaliation for his own mistake.) But Poe seemed to guess that rescue was imminent upon General Solo's appearance. He adapted Ben's name without question. The kid was okay.

 _Too okay_ , Han realized, as Poe's loopy tongue convinced him the kid was as high as a kite, and he nearly jeopardized his wit and his own life.

He panicked and shouted Poe's name, unintentionally saving his future. (Although sometimes he would imagine Poe mute later on, and think fondly on the silence that would have graced the academy halls.)

The resulting temper tantrum from the Adneren gave Han hope. Maybe his son wasn't the only calamitous force in the galaxy. He nearly called Leia in to watch, but hit _'record'_ instead. No need to drag Ben in with her. Their son would only freak over Poe, and he didn't need encouragement for his pandemonium.

The transmission was cut off in the ensuing destruction, and Han paced until Chewie contacted him. Of course they had found Poe in time. He had never doubted Luke.

He didn't know what he would have told Leia and Ben if he had been wrong.

When the kid was returned, battered and grumpy and still unerringly controlled, Han ushered Ben into the room first. "I told you he was fine!" he called after his son. The words were lost, of course, and Han had to smile as his melodramatic tornado scampered to reunite with his friend. _The kid's okay,_ Han determined with a brief glance. Leia had to mother him, of course, and Han rolled his eyes when her back was turned. _Let him nurse his own ego,_ he almost told her. Poe was nineteen now; just because he tolerated her coddling didn't mean he hadn't outgrown it.

And then the truth came out. Right in the middle of the hangar, with forty-odd witnesses to their humiliation. Ben threw a fit, Han lost his temper, and Leia put up with everything. Frankly, Han figured his son would be a bounty hunter by the time he was fifteen, and that was being generous. Ben would make a terrible client.

They'd had plans this morning. Ben would keep Poe distracted until afternoon. There was a restaurant who favored the generals of the old rebellion. Poe had never been able to afford it, but today he would have been introduced. Ben had babbled for weeks about the new helmet he had bought for his friend. Leia had even tried her hand at baking a cake, and Ben and Han had covertly sworn not to grimace at the party. (They sniggered in the other room all the same, and Han made Ben promise to eat the frosting if nothing else.)

Five Adnerens and an uncontrollable boy had annulled everything. Han had seen Poe's expression when Chewie led him to the medcenter. _What a lousy way to spend a birthday._ The kid deserved more than a bacta patch and a late night drinking binge with his friends.

For once, hours after Poe's safe return, Han decided it was time to take control. No whiny, stuck up brat would get the best of his father. Burning resolve clammed up his hands as he determinedly rapped on Ben's door.

"Up," he ordered as soon as the door slid open. Ben looked up from his datapad with a scowl, and Han tossed a decent robe in his face. "Party, whether you like it or not. Poe will be here in twenty minutes."

"I'm not interested in a party," Ben said sullenly, staring at his datapad. "Everything's ruined and it's your fault."

Han's mother used to paddle him when he took that tone. Leia was exasperatingly gentle with her boy. Striding to Ben's bunk, Han snatched the datapad, flung it across the room, and hoisted Ben to his feet. The boy stumbled in alarm and Han thrust the robe into his hands.

"Ten minutes."

He left without a backwards glance. Five minutes later Ben crept out of the room, resentful and cross and tidily dressed.

"Mother wouldn't have made me," he grumbled.

"Well, Mother is running a bit late," Han retorted. "I already sent Chewie to pick up your friend. The medical droid said he'll be fine, but I don't think he's up for any more action tonight. We'll have the cake here and you can give him your present."

Ben brightened momentarily, and then frowned. "I don't think he'll want something from me now."

"Course he will!" Han said boisterously. He pulled the misshapen cake out of the cupboard and slid it onto the table, ordering C-3PO to fetch the fizzy sodas. _No alcohol for the kid; not tonight._ Besides, he didn't trust Ben to not switch the glasses. "Why don't you go get it?" he directed to his son.

Ben wavered momentarily and then dashed to his room. Han chuckled. "It'll work." Dramatics or none, Poe would still have a birthday.

Leia was as flustered as Han expected when she stormed into the room, prepared to lecture Ben or yank his ear or hug him or perhaps accomplish all three. Han swept in front of her, kissed her soundly, ignored the subsequent shove, and hinted quietly, "It's the kid's birthday."

Devastation and guilt washed into Leia's anger as she looked helplessly at Han, so near a breakdown. He rubbed her arm in assurance. "There's still time."

Wordlessly Leia nodded. She brushed past him and walked softly to their room, brushing a hand over her eyes. General, mother, stronghold, vulnerable. Han had witnessed more tears, more post-trauma, more despair than Leia would ever allow the world to see. She buried herself and offered a steadfast leader to the galaxy. Ben never appreciated her for it.

Steaming, Han released his calm façade and flung a durasteel bolt at the wall. Then he stuffed his hands in his pockets and trudged to his room, where he could hear Leia washing her face. Somewhere he'd buried that new jacket…

* * *

Poe's misty surprise was immediately covered in protest as Ben started digging into _his_ cake. The charade was perfect; Han and Ben gagged on tacky frosting and made faces behind Leia's back, while Poe devoured three huge slices. Either the kid was impeccably tactful or he was half starved; he even accepted the rest of the cake when Leia offered it for later. Han determined to invite the kid over more often. Mission rations were deplorable.

Future invites would also ensure he kept a closer eye on Poe. They couldn't risk another kidnapping – especially when it involved their only decent sitter. Watching Leia's weary but satisfied eyes, accompanied by Ben's cheers and Poe's awe as he discovered his new helmet, Han vowed they wouldn't lose the kid again.

Not without a proper comlink and a tracking device.

* * *

 _(Aftermath)_

* * *

Poe was scrubbing grit and sand out of BB-8's plating, humming quietly while the droid trilled along, when the door hissed open and Finn darted inside. He leaned against the doorframe, flustered and out of breath, and asked point blank,

"How did Kylo Ren get my frequency?"

Poe paused, sighed, rolled his eyes, and waved for Finn to hand him the comlink. Flummoxed, Finn mumbled into the receiver, "He's right here," and passed it over.

"Kylo, stop pestering my friends," Poe stated, giving BB-8 a chagrined shrug.

"Finally!" Kylo Ren lashed. "You're ignoring your comlink. Do you realize how long I've been trying to contact you?"

"I'm on blackout," Poe responded. "Two hours of vacation, if you want to call it that. I'm elbow deep in oil and frayed wires and General Organa promised not to contact me unless a Tie Fighter falls through the shields."

"This isn't funny, Dameron!"

So the galaxy's most feared tyrant calling him on an ex-stormtrooper's frequency wasn't hilarious. Poe offered the comlink to BB-8, who blatted a reply.

"You never ignored your comlink before, Dameron. Not unless you were in imminent danger."

Poe ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Tell me you weren't afraid I was dead."

"You'll be relieved to hear I _wasn't_." Kylo Ren paused. "I just wanted to evaluate the Resistance's assets. It'll be easier when you're not commanding the air support."

"Sorry to be a bother," Poe said dryly. "We done here?"

"Turn on your comlink!" Kylo Ren said heatedly. "Occasionally I want an update on the Resistance's movement, and you're making this more troublesome than is worth keeping you alive."

Poe stared into the comlink and looked to Finn. "Kylo, have you been drinking? I'm not reporting to you."

"As if you make a habit of _ignoring_ me every time I make contact," Kylo Ren pointed out.

Glancing sideways, Poe shifted and flicked grime from his fingers. "Maybe I'm nostalgic."

Kylo Ren was silent for two breaths. "Ben Solo is dead."

The communication severed.

Fingering the comlink, Poe tossed it lightly and commented to BB-8, "You know, I think I'm starting to get through to him." He noticed his greasy fingers and grabbed a rag, scrubbing off the comlink before returning it to Finn.

"What was that?" Finn said incredulously. "Did Kylo Ren just… check up on you?"

"Must've been a 'moment of weakness'." Poe brushed the question aside. "Does he have FN-2178's frequency?"

Alarmed, Finn examined the comlink. "The Resistance just issued me a new one."

BB-8 chirped a question, and Poe nodded. "Well, it's not General Organa," he determined. "Ask her for another communicator. We may have a glitch in the security again."

Kylo Ren had mentioned that he had his sources. If he did have a spy planted in the Resistance, it was strange that he hadn't taken full advantage of their location.

Maybe there was a hint of Ben left after all.

 _If it's all the same, Ben,_ Poe thought uneasily, _Leia told me it's your birthday today. Sorry I forgot to mention it._

He had a feeling it wasn't the first time he had failed.

* * *

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* * *

 _I believe it was time2read who wanted some aftermath to Poe's unfortunate birthday incident._

 **Thank you to Begoogled, BAD WOLF1221, Lazerkat, feel that fire, time2read, Miss Corrine, CrazedFangirl13, and JunJunyil for reviewing!**


	28. Babysitting an Imperial Tyrant

**This chapter is a commission for Rinter, who traded me a new cover for Tantrums for a customized chapter. (You can find the artwork for the cover by _Rinter_ on Deviantart. _Go check it out!_ ) :)**

* * *

 _(Before Kylo Ren) (Ben is 8)_

* * *

"You're not going to forget anything, right?" Han ensured, balancing a crate in both hands and still managing to cram a list between Poe's fingers. "Bedtime is at nine – no exceptions," he directed to Ben. "He has lessons with Master Skywalker in the morning, and he has to sit for half an hour without looking at anything – some kind of Jedi whoodoo stuff. Lunch can be anything as long as it isn't canron. Keep him away from electronics. No cats in the apartment."

"Han, he can handle this," Leia urged, ushering her husband towards the Falcon. She paused to squeeze Poe's arm in gratitude. "We need 3-PO for this rendezvous. Thanks for looking after Ben."

"No problem," Poe said. Beside him, a tiny Jedi sulked. Leia crouched and brushed a hand along Ben's cheek, unsurprised when he leaned away.

"We'll be back tomorrow morning," she assured. "Don't give Poe any trouble, and don't call unless there's more blood than a medic can handle. Try and have fun, okay?"

Ben slouched her off. Sighing, Leia rose and waved to them both. "Good luck," she directed at Poe.

"Same to you," he called after her.

A grumpy apprentice slogged towards the blast doors, lingering to cup his hands around the frame and look back. He swallowed as the Falcon swerved into hyperspace.

Breathing out slowly, Poe turned on his heel and meandered towards Ben, strolling with the whimsical boredom of cadet with too much time on his hands. "So…. What do you want to do today?"

He kinda-sort-of lost Han's list by the second round of 'slide down the garbage disposal chutes and look for monsters'. It was worth Ben's shrieking cackles.

* * *

Babysitting seemed to imply blanket forts. Poe had been nominated as caretaker for Ewok kits, Togrutas, Bothans, Rodians, and a Falleen, and all of them had sought the same enchantment: a place to hide and giggle and share secrets without the disturbance of adults. Poe had constructed caves out of tables, chairs, cooling units, and even the sanisteam when it proved convenient. (The six-year-old Mon Calamari was his soggiest job, and he was relieved when her parents finally found a babysitter of the same species.)

Ben didn't need a blanket fort – he wanted an Imperial base.

"I'm the captain and you're going to be the rebel spy," Ben informed Poe as he held his half of the blanket above his head. Still two feet short of the intended height, he grumbled when Poe reached for the corner and pinned it himself.

"Aren't you s'posed to be the Jedi?" Poe asked around a mouthful of ornate pins. (He promised he'd return them to Leia's dressing room before she returned.)

Sighing, Ben rolled his eyes. "I'm already a Jedi. This is _pretend_. Which means I have to be something _different_."

Aware of the imminent danger of self-impalement, Poe swiped the pins from his teeth and stuffed them into his shirt pocket. "Okay… So I shouldn't be a rebel, then. Do you want me to be an Imperialist?"

Flinging his head back, Ben sighed with more fervor. "If you're the bad guy then I have to be the good guy. Just play along, Poe!"

"Hm." Poe didn't understand the logic, but it was more sensible than the Mon Calamari girl trying to convince him that he could breathe underwater. (Creativity did have its limits.) "All right; I'm the rebel. Aren't you supposed to have a uniform, though?"

In the fifteen minutes it took him to finish pinning the blankets, Ben found a silver belt from his father's room, a black coat with dragging sleeves, and the ugliest hat Poe had ever seen.

"I made it out of one of Uncle Lando's caps," Ben said proudly as he arranged the upturned corners. "It's Imperialist."

 _Sons of the forsaken fashion_ , Poe hailed internally. "I didn't know they had … are those folds?"

"It doesn't matter, Poe!" Scowling, Ben held up a crooked spoon. "Now you're my prisoner. You should go inside."

"O-kay," Poe nodded affably and knit his hands behind his head. Ben continued to prod him with the makeshift 'blaster' until he was sitting against the wall inside the 'Imperial base'.

"Now I interrogate you," Ben announced. "You have to answer my questions truthfully, or…." He frowned in thought.

"Or… else?" Poe suggested.

"Or else!" Ben agreed. He straightened his shoulders, trying to look imposing. It didn't help that there was a one-eared stuffed leppi flopped on the floor beside his right knee.

After a few moments of silence, in which Ben chewed the inside of his cheek, Poe hinted, "You were planning to interrogate me?"

"I have to think of some questions first!" Ben snapped. His eyes brightened with inspiration and he jabbed Poe with the spoon. "Who do you work for?"

"An Ewok mastermind," Poe said, narrowing his eyes dramatically.

"No, Poe!" Ben slouched in frustration. "You have to be serious."

"I was being serious! Okay, fine. I'm a rebel. I'll never tell you who our leader is."

"That's better." Ben twirled the spoon contemplatively. He snapped upright and said with more force, "Where is your base?"

"Utapau."

"Poe!"

"I have to give an answer, right?" Poe spread his hands haplessly. "A real prisoner would lie to the Imperialists."

"Oh." Ben tilted his head sideways, scratched his nose with the spoon, and then nodded. "Very well. You say your base is on Utapau, but I know you're lying. Tell me where your base really is."

"An ice cream shop on Tatooine," Poe whispered.

" _Poe!"_

"Okay, okay!" Poe chuckled and restarted. "I will never give away the rebel location!"

"I will take it from you, then," Ben stated. He leaned forward and clapped a hand over Poe's head.

Craning to see Ben's fingers, Poe asked dubiously, "What are you doing?"

"I'm using the Force," Ben said pragmatically.

"That's cheating," Poe accused.

"No, it isn't."

"But I can't use the Force," Poe reasoned. "You have to make it an even battle if you want to prove that you're an evil mastermind."

"But bad guys always do that on the holonet," Ben whined, flopping his hands into his lap. "They make it fair and then the good guys pull a trick and make everyone else look stupid."

That's what the kid was learning from the holonet? Poe felt sorry for Master Skywalker. Awkwardly he cleared his throat. "Okay… so why don't you just stick to the questions? You'll trick me eventually and then I'll have to tell you everything."

Ben swung his head in defeat. "Ugh – fine." He slung the spoon out and punctuated, "What is your name, Rebel?"

"Poe Allen," Poe quipped at once.

"That's a lie! Tell me your real name, kung!"

"No name-calling – at least not with something your mom would wash your mouth for."

"Stop ruining everything!"

* * *

In the end, there was an improvised 'torture round' where Ben tied Poe's feet and attacked him with a feather, a string of questions with unsatisfactory results, and a break for 'Order 66 cookies', which were really ordinary biscuits that Ben climbed three shelves and the stove to retrieve. Han and Leia must have returned late in the night – Poe would never know.

He fell asleep an hour after Ben.

Still nestled in the child's sanctuary of blankets.

* * *

 _(Before Kylo Ren) (Ben is 14)_

* * *

"This is stupid."

Leaning back in his seat, Poe pressed two fingers against the bridge of his nose and breathed deeply. Five minutes into "Han's piloting lessons" and there was a guaranteed wrangle brewing in the back of the Falcon.

Han's jaw tightened as he casually flicked a few knobs. "Just ignore him. See that indicator? You jump to hyperspace now and you'll blow the ship. She'll chart her own path, but don't push for time."

"I can't believe I'm here," Ben said louder.

"Ben, if I'd left you with your mother you'd be plotting diplomacies right now," Han fired back. "Buckle yourself in; I'm not fishing you out of the cargo hold when we jump to light speed."

"There's anti-gravity in here, _Dad_ ," Ben snarked. "It doesn't work like that."

A muscle twitched in Han's cheek. He looked torn between lecturing his son and triumphing that Ben knew _something_ about the Falcon.

"Right…. Pay attention, Dameron," Han tapped Poe's arm and waved his hand over the controls. "Servo-drives, manual operations, you get the rest. It's a little more complicated than flying an X-wing; freighters are touchier overall."

"Yeah, 'cause we can't even fix the hyperdrive," Ben agreed.

"One more word from you and I'm sending you to your Uncle Luke's homestead," Han barked. He mumbled under his breath, "A few years in a moisture farm and he'll be as hairbrained and obliging as when Luke first joined the Rebellion."

"Servo-drives," Poe piped in, hoping to evade a storm.

"Indicators to your right," Han said. "I normally have Chewie do this, so mind you don't adjust the seat; he hates it when the cockpit isn't according to his fashion."

"Can I drive?" Ben leaned over Han's chair, squinting at the control panel.

Han spread his hands and pleaded with the stars for answers. "I offered you a chance just last week," he said exasperatedly. "You said you didn't have time for garbage disposals – quote!"

Ben curled his nose and hunkered over his father's chair. "I was just citing Mother."

"No, your mother calls it a scrapyard – and don't say you got it from Luke, because I know he has a separate vocabulary just for the Falcon."

"Are we … plotting a course?" Poe nudged hopefully. "Or… okay, we're just drifting," he established, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair.

Ben rolled his eyes as Han jabbed towards the holochess table. "What did I say about running around the ship when we're in hyperspace, Ben Organa?"

"You never let me do anything! Why does Poe get to pilot?"

"I gave you a chance just last week! You volunteered to accompany us for this trip so long as – quote – you do as _I_ say. Now sit down and give Poe some peace of mind."

"I'm not bothering him!" Ben shouted. "He likes it when I'm around! Tell him, Poe!"

"I …." Poe fumbled unhappily and Han jumped when he hesitated.

"I invited Poe because _you_ like to spend time with him. You got a problem with him being here, we can cut this trip real short and drop him off on Dantooine."

"You're just saying that because he's a better pilot!" Ben screeched. "He can do everything better than me! That's why you like having him around."

"Yes! That's exactly why – no, that's an absurd delusion on your part," Han clarified. " _Force_ , why are we getting into this right now?"

"Why don't you admit you just wanted another son?" Ben spat. "Why don't you admit you like Poe better than me?"

He spun around and flung his lightsaber against the wall. Clomping footsteps accompanied a howl of grief.

"Ben – Ben!" Han shouted. "Kriff, why do I always get him on the moody days?" He slung out of his chair and stalked towards the hall, ordering over his shoulder, "Don't let the Falcon drift!"

Carding a hand through his hair, Poe slid lower in his chair and sighed. He scanned the array of buttons and indicators, contemplated autopilot, and then wearily dragged himself upright.

Yeah, he could pilot anything.

* * *

Two hours later, Poe had hummed his way through every stupid song he had learned as a kid, successfully guided the Millenium Falcon into a triple summersault, discovered a bag of kismet cookies that were stale but still edible, chewed what fingernails had been allowed to grow past the bleeding stage, drawn up a mental list of names for his first permanent X-wing, charted fourteen possible collision courses and how far he could skim the Falcon alongside a supernova without exploding, and discovered what unusual gunk harbored in the creases of his ears.

Just when he was ready to call up Jess and complain about how bored he was, the door slid open and Han strolled inside with Ben tucked against him.

"Okay, kid," he said, squeezing Ben's shoulder briefly. "You ready to try your hand at this?"

Sniffling, Ben nodded. The redness in his eyes signified more than a jeopardized piloting experience. Poe smoothly stepped out of the way.

"All right, communications is on the right," Han said, casually passing a headset to his son. "Don't press any buttons you don't know."

"Kay." Ben nodded jerkily. He leaned into his father's voice like a starved sparrow.

Melting into the back, Poe slid behind the holochess table and strapped himself in. He listened to the clumsy conversation between father and son, and wrung his hands.

He'd never wanted to stand in the way.

* * *

 _(After Kylo Ren)_

When Rey first took them for a test drive, Finn strapped himself in, muttered an agitated prayer, and exchanged an apprehensive look with BB-8. Poe twirled in the co-pilot's seat until Chewbacca loomed behind him.

"Fine. I get the point – I'm not allowed to drive." Swinging upright, Poe took a position behind Rey's chair and relaxed against the wall. He wondered if Chewbacca's growl seemed unhappy as he took the co-pilot's chair, but then again he was poorly versed in Wookie-lingo.

"Finn, stop panicking," Rey said curtly as she flicked the first controls. "I can't concentrate when you're thinking so hard."

"Now I'm thinking wrong?" Finn said haplessly. "Can we forget the Jedi whoodoo and go back to being normal people?"

"Here we go again." Poe rolled his eyes and shrugged at Chewbacca. "Pull the parking brake," he told Rey calmly.

"I'm saying that – yes, I know, Poe – I can sense your agitation and it's distracting me."

"You know what, just pilot," Finn retorted. He sat back crossly and folded his arms. "And I am _not_ panicking."

"No, you only breathe faster because you're abnormally reactive to lightspeed," Rey scoffed.

"Parking brake," Poe reminded.

" _Yes_. I know." Disengaging the manual lock, Rey programmed the coordinates and looked to Chewbacca in confirmation before engaging the hyperdrive. Finn gripped the arms of his chair. Poe shifted to the other foot.

After the initial burst of speed, Finn breathed slower and Poe chewed a nail. Chebacca fiddled with a toggle, loneliness emphasized in occasional whimpers. Rey leaned back gingerly, feeling the same.

They both missed Han.

"You used to fly the Falcon," Rey said unexpectedly, looking back at Poe.

Thunderstruck, he shrugged. "I think I would remember that."

"You did," Rey established. "I spoke with General Organa. She says Han Solo taught you – that you could maneuver the ship on your own after only a few minutes of training."

Poe shook his head. "Not important," he said vaguely, covering up his bewilderment. If he had flown such a beauty – and under Han's tutelage, no less – he should have remembered. That hurt. _Why would he take a harmless frivolity from me?_

"Yes, it is important," Rey insisted. "You know more about Kylo Ren than any of us."

Finn swung his head in astonishment and Poe shot him a glance, requesting silence. "Not important," he emphasized quietly.

"Poe, whatever you learned about Ben Solo, we need to know," Rey asserted. Pleading wasn't in her nature, nor was politeness. He'd have to give her a few tips on political manners before she returned to Skywalker's training.

"Look, we don't need to discuss this _right now_ ," Finn interjected. He knew a little; everyone in the Resistance had their own rumors about Poe's 'tragedy' by now. Rey was the only one who remained oblivious. Finn tried to placate them all. "Why don't we just finish the pilot run, establish that 'teamwork' that General Organa wants, and save Kylo Ren for the next sabotage plan."

"Or we can undermine him now," Rey suggested. "We know his weaknesses. Poe, he's remained in contact with you all this time. He could be hiding on the next planet!" She smiled in delight. "What if we returned with more than information? What if we found him?"

Her childish hope was blinding, and all the more painful when Poe quenched her smile. "It's a brilliant thought, Rey… but I can't give you that information."

Confusion clouded hazel eyes. "What do you mean?"

"He means, he doesn't remember," Finn said gently.

A sharp inhale voiced Rey's mystification. "What?"

"Oh, don't talk as though I'm not in the room," Poe rebuked in a low voice. He rubbed his hands and clenched them, drawing on inner strength and finding none. "He took them from me," he finally summarized. "I can't remember anything about Kylo Ren."

Rey stood abruptly, bright eyes shimmering and devastated. Empathy quivered in her hand as she reflexively brushed a finger against Poe's temple. He felt the shift of power and instinctively shied away.

"He did that," Rey realized, and Poe knew she had suffered the same. How he envied her strength of mind.

"I don't have your luck." He shrugged, eager for the pity party to end. "I couldn't fight back."

"Poe, we're going to win this," Finn encouraged quietly. "It doesn't matter what happened. We'll find another way."

Rey was still lost in his pain. The scars she sensed even though he skirted from her hand. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I didn't know..." She stepped closer, a child determined to fix the galaxy, and Poe raised his hand.

"I could bring some of it back," Rey suggested hopefully. "It can't all be lost."

Poe closed her fingers and pushed her hand away, patting it in silent thanks. "I've lost a few memories, Rey – not my mind. Don't waste your time. … I think I'd rather keep him out of my head for good."

"You can't just forget something," Rey said, seething at the injustice. "Poe, I've lost so many years – I can't let you suffer the same. Let me try!"

Chewbacca lowed in agreement, and again Poe interpreted a strange grief in his rumble. _Why should he be affected over my loss?_

"That's enough, all of you," he insisted. "You never knew me before we met in the Resistance. Finn, that five minutes on Jakku doesn't count. I'm not missing anything, and neither should you. Can we drop this now?"

"But we can't –"

He cast Rey a bothered look, and she growled before flouncing into the pilot's seat. "You shouldn't ask this from us. It isn't fair."

Poe leaned across the back of her chair, catching her gaze in the reflection of the glass panel. He hoped she would sense his gratitude. "Stop trying to fix me, Rey. I'm Poe Dameron. Whoever Ben was, he hasn't changed anything." He smiled and bumped her shoulder, trying to shift the mood. "Now will you please give me a chance to fly this lovely queen?"

Rolling her eyes, Rey surrendered the pilot's seat. Chewbacca seemed oddly pleased.

In the resulting summersaults, Finn lost his lunch. Twice.

Poe's exhilaration only matched the crumbling of Starkiller Base. His fingers responded instinctively, almost as though he had steered the Falcon before.

Maybe he had. Maybe once, so long ago, Han Solo _did_ teach him how to fly.

He told himself he didn't miss the difference.

That evening he contacted the frequency Kylo Ren had used to intercept Finn's comlink. He was surprised when the dark lord answered. Even more flabbergasted when Kylo Ren listened silently as he rattled off how absurd it was that he might have shared a childhood with the son of Han Solo. Shared a childhood, and never remembered.

Kylo Ren breathed in unsteadily, and Poe waited for his reply.

"You're a fool, Dameron," was the muted curse before Kylo Ren broke off communication.

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 **Thank you to** **Replica Velocity aka X5 714, Brievel** , **Bluemisery, Begoogled, Rasasvada98, Pinkychan2, CatWingsAthena, JunJunyil, Miss Corrine, CrazedFangirl13, Lazerkat, hellraiserphoenix, time2read, SilverclawRose, BAD WOLF1221, and guest Lunar Loon for reviewing!**

 _(In response to guest Lunar Loon's review: Ben Organa Chewbacca Solo? Now I now why Kylo Ren changed his name.) X)_


	29. Radar Technicians Don't Give a Daft

_(Before Kylo Ren) (Ben is nine)_

* * *

Sometimes being an ace pilot and having a ring of daredevil friends was as hazardous as dealing with a cantankerous Ben. Ben, at least, could be handled – one slip of distraction and he would forget why he was angry in the first place. Poe's mates, on the other hand, wouldn't let him be until he agreed to try a triple-twist maneuver that hadn't been attempted since the last pilot lost his wings to a (now long dead and toppled) sycamore.

It was a stupid decision – that much Poe acknowledged before the thrill of success escalated into premonition as his wing canons dipped too close to the ground. The tip of his wing snagged the earth, the commander shouted in Poe's com, and he felt a calm sense of _'oh no…'_ before his X-wing flipped and the clouds spiraled with green. His head thunked the seat rest and the side panes of the cockpit. Dread swelled in his chest and he flung his arms in front of his face as the X-wing nose-dived into the ground.

He anticipated fire; an explosion; the brief flash of pain.

He opened his eyes, reveling in his battered and unbelievably _alive_ state, only to hear the screech of a fusioncutter above him.

"Keep your head down, Dameron!" one of the commanders yelled.

Instinctively Poe curled down and wrapped his arms around his neck. The fineness of the fusioncutter would assure he _most likely_ wouldn't lose his head, but not all crash-related injuries were due to a smashed hunk of metal. _Don't move, don't even breathe,_ Poe warned himself as the tool grated through the sealant beside him.

A clamp wrenched beneath the jagged metal and heaved. Sheepishly Poe raised his head, prepared to be thoroughly censured by his flight commander.

Femenine hands planted on a general's uniform and a tapping, durasteel-toed boot made Poe duck under his arms again.

"Dameron. Get out of there."

Shamefaced, bruised, and oh so repentant of his foolishness, Poe wriggled beneath the half-open cockpit and staggered against his crashed ship. He offered a shaky salute. Leia jabbed towards the academy.

"Inside."

Poe scampered.

Kriff and Sith, he was dead. He was sentenced, canned, ejected from the academy, doomed without an argument. Snap offered a wavering apology and inquired after his wellbeing, but Poe trotted past him without a glance. Stupid dare. Stupid instincts that told him – yeah, he could handle any flight technique because he knew his X-wing inside and out.

 _I'm on ground patrol until I'm eighteen,_ Poe thought remorsefully. He probably wouldn't be that lucky.

"Poe Dameron!" General Solo barked as soon as she entered the hangar. Swallowing, Poe snapped to attention and fought the urge to brush off his filthy jumpsuit. Leia stalked up to him and assessed him briskly before castigating, "Dameron, I knew your mother and I knew your father and don't you think I haven't seen such talent reflected in their son. What in the blazes were you doing out there?"

"I – "

"It was a rhetorical question! You broke formation, endangered Cadet Maahk, conducted an illegal maneuver and disobeyed your flight commander. I have a mind to dismiss you right now and send you to a moisturizer farm. Do you have any idea how asinine that was?"

"Mother, it wasn't his fault!" Pattering footsteps distracted Leia as Ben skittered up and tugged on her sleeve. "I sensed it all – it was a trick, I swear! Someone rigged his X-wing." He looked determinedly at Poe. "Tell her about the sabotage, Dameron. It's true, isn't it?"

Folding her arms, Leia fixed a stern glare on Poe, who squirmed.

"I … uh…" Sighing, he told her the truth. "I flipped an illegal maneuver. It was my fault."

"But – !" Ben started to object.

"That's exactly what I wanted to hear," Leia snapped. "Sanitation detail for the next three months – on top of your training."

She stalked away and Ben glanced helplessly at Poe before following his mother. "But it wasn't his fault! I _know_ Ech'ban was fiddling with the wires…."

Sure he was – and Poe had the slimy blue glop on his hands to prove it. Who knew that cleaning bacta off his controls would be so messy. It wasn't Ech'ban's fault he had crashed, though. General Solo was right; he could have killed someone.

At least she hadn't fired him.

"Cadet Dameron."

Wheeling around, Poe saluted as the flight commander approached. His expression was livid.

"You're grounded for two months. I want every ship in the hangar scrubbed, from the engines to the hull. I see a maneuver like that again and you're out!"

"Understood, sir," Poe responded. He swayed and the commander jabbed towards the hall.

"Report to the medcenter. Do you need an escort?"

"I'll see to myself," Poe assured. The commander nodded, and Poe limped away.

When he arrived at the medcenter, Ben was already waiting for him.

"You're lucky you're only on sanitation detail," the nine year old chirped when Poe surrendered to the medical droid. "If I had tried that, Father would have made me scrub the Falcon plates."

"I _am_ scrubbing the Falcon," Poe said tersely.

Ben's face lit up. "Really? Then I'll be done in half the time!"

Poe glanced up skeptically and Ben averted his eyes. "I might have broken my father's holochess table," he muttered. "It was in the way of my lightsaber."

Huffing, Poe ducked his head so that the droid could tend the swelling whiplash. _At least I'm not the only one in trouble._ A small part of him felt marginally unjustified at his punishment. After all, before his miscalculations the twisting flight maneuver must have looked awesome.

* * *

 _(Aftermath)_

* * *

Birthdays had been quiet since Ben's departure. After the decimation of Starkiller Base, Poe didn't even remember he had one. Everything was too close together. So many families were mourning.

His only indication that he was a year older today was that his room had been raided.

Snap relayed the news to Poe as soon as he swung out of his X-wing. "We don't know how the intruder slipped past security," he explained, leading pilot and droid from the hangar. "General Organna says there might be a breach."

A spy. Tapping BB-8's dome, Poe nodded. "How bad is the damage?"

"It was only… your room," Snap said reluctantly.

"My room?" Perplexed, Poe halted mid-stride. "What, did Norm remember an old grudge or something?"

"Actually…" Snap stretched his gloves and shrugged. "Jess says it's something 'the kid' would have done."

The kid. _The_ kid. Swallowing down a lump he couldn't understand, Poe hastened past his friend. He shoved through the crowded halls, hurriedly begging pardon, and stopped only when he saw General Organa in front of his door.

"General?" Poe asked softly.

Leia looked away from the open room and haphazardly wiped her eye. "Some things never change."

Poe strode passed her and promptly dropped his helmet.

"I tried to warn you," Snap called after him.

"BB-8, check security," Poe ordered as he stepped over a shredded brown jacket. That was his _new_ jacket. So it didn't have the red lines or the casual, worn look from his father's previous missions. Someone was going to answer for this particular carnage.

"Snap, did you let Bones into my room?" Poe accused. There wasn't much to destroy – pilots were transferred often and the same furniture was standard for every room – but what little he had was everywhere. Cautiously Poe stepped over the shattered glass from his mirror.

"I told you, _Mister_ Bones had nothing to do with it," Snap refuted. "Whoever did this, they scratched the cameras. We're sweeping all the entrances."

Clothing littered the bunk, floor and table. Each storage compartment had been forced open and left hanging. Pieces from BB-8's repair kit were scattered from the bunk to the 'fresher.

"Someone was looking for something," Snap figured.

"And they found it," Poe said. He knelt beside one drawer, where his box of personal possessions had been dumped in a surprisingly orderly manner. His mother's jade pendant was unbroken, and the hologram of his father was nestled on a puddled shirt. There was an ancient coin from Alderaan, given to him by Leia, and a fizzy soda cap that held some unremembered significance. One item was missing.

"They took my knife," Poe said thickly. He didn't know why that hurt. "There was a vibroblade here."

"You mean that old broken thing?" Snap knelt beside him, wrapping the torn jacket around a leaking oil canister. "The one with the black handle?"

"Yeah…" He remembered… something about a fight with Norm. A kid was screaming. There was a note left on his bunk.

Quickly Poe searched the floor until he saw a slip of aged, crinkled paper. Shifting particles of glass, Poe shook the note free and squinted at the scrawled handwriting.

 _'In case you need to save yourself again.'_

"I'm guessing that was from the kid," Snap ventured. "I wasn't there when it happened, but Jess told me a little about –"

"Ben," Poe said hoarsely. He remembered it now. Angry brown eyes. A child who was eager to help his … _friend? We were friends?_ He remembered an Adneren shouting, and being held captive. Ben was involved again. Was it because – ?

The wall in his mind returned and Poe rubbed his temple, wishing the memory would rebuild itself. Nostalgically he placed the note amongst his treasures. "I had a knife…." Four inches of blade with a sturdy rubber grip. The electric components were long rusted, but the sentiment had never faded with time. _Ben gave it to me._

BB-8 whirred in question. Snapping from his daze, Poe cast the droid an apologetic glance.

"I'll send for a cleaning droid," Snap offered, clapping his friend's shoulder. "The general will have ordered another room to be readied for you by now."

Ever more bewildered, Poe lifted the shirt with his personal belongings and set it on his bunk. "Yeah… shouldn't be a problem…."

The demolisher couldn't have been Kylo Ren himself. They would have known. There was no way the First Order could have….

"When was the last time we checked for First Order interlopers?" Poe wondered aloud.

"That's just what I was saying," Snap said. "General Organa thinks someone may have defected."

 _And given Kylo Ren the comlink frequency for FN-2187,_ Poe realized. _He claimed he had his sources…_

Whirling around, Poe looked to the only unaccountable item in the room. He strode to the shattered mirror and yanked a crate free of the shards.

"Watch out!" Snap called. "Poe, you're not wearing gloves!"

He had already flung the top aside and burrowed through the protective black fabric. Breathing out shallowly, Poe lifted the parcel free.

"Hey, didn't you leave that on Jakku?" Snap murmured.

Turning the scarred, white helmet in his hands, Poe found the mark inside the rim. A signature written by a thin, Force-imbued hand. A child's handwriting from a birthday many years ago.

"I think we're in trouble."

* * *

Son or none, Leia did not ignore the security breach. Holorecordings of every hall were scrutinized for intruders. Poe's room was searched, swept, and analyzed. Officers were questioned and droid memory banks were searched. Security was tripled at every entrance. Evacuation seemed inevitable.

"Poe!" General Organa's shout alerted the pilot as a string of officers filed past him. Plucking his arm, Leia steered him towards the communications room. "It's Ben. He wants to speak with you."

 _He can give you answers,_ Poe read into her words. Leia glanced urgently from the console to Poe, and he nodded.

"Go ahead, 3-PO," Leia ordered. She took her position on the opposite side of the room and leaned against the wall, arms folded.

Poe braced his hands against the hub, irritated when the transmission flickered to life and Kylo Ren appeared without his helmet.

"Is it too much to hope that you'll randomly injure yourself the next time you trash my room?" Poe snapped. His conscience kicked him and he shifted awkwardly. That sounded mean.

Kylo Ren bristled. "I intercepted your security and you resort to childish complaints." It was like he was trying to take pride in his 'great accomplishment' and was equally frustrated that Poe wasn't trembling before him. "Where's Mother?"

"She isn't your mother as long as you aren't speaking to her," Poe rebuked smoothly.

"And that makes her yours?" Kylo Ren scoffed. He glanced to the side, tapped his lightsaber uneasily, and interjected with a sneer, "I left you a gift. _Happy birthday_ , Dameron."

"Next time send the X-wing," Poe retorted. "I made personal modifications to the hyperdrive, you know."

Leia tapped her chin indicatively. Shuffling his feet, Poe asked, "How did you find us?"

"I have my sources," Kylo Ren answered snidely. "You're a fool not to recognize that."

"You have a spy," Poe translated. "What are you waiting for? Why not blow us out of the galaxy?"

"In _case_ you _failed_ to _notice_ , you destroyed my _weapon_ ," Kylo Ren enunciated, nostrils flaring.

"Yeah, Ech'ban told me all about it," Poe responded breezily. "So why my room? Why not take out the shields, or the shipyard, or the communications outpost?"

"It was your birthday." The excuse was as lame as Kylo Ren's pout. "Why do you always have to question my motives?"

"Let's go back to the first question." Leaning his elbows against the console, and fighting a sense of déjà vu where he was _supposed_ to be afraid of Kylo Ren, Poe drummed his fingers methodically and posed, "How did you get in here?"

Kylo Ren rolled his eyes. "Sources."

"Which entrance?" Poe directed.

"I could have waltzed through the hangar and you never would have known. All I needed was a blond wig and a covert identity. Your security is ridiculous."

Poe calculated the likelihood of a blond newbie sneaking into his room. "Pilot's uniform?" he guessed dryly.

"Radar technician." Kylo Ren curled his nose with a sour expression.

"Ouch." Poe made a mental note to check up with the maintenance crew afterwards. Some of them might need therapy. "And you randomly traipsed into my room, murdered my new jacket, and stole a rusty vibroblade."

"Don't be sentimental," Kylo Ren scoffed. "I don't need _anything_ of yours."

"You still have my knife," Poe accused.

"The stormtroopers confiscated it," was the too-ready reply. "It doesn't matter. The point is, I can enter any time I wish and next time it will be more than your room that I destroy. … Your new jacket was hideous, by the way. Why the Force did you replace it?"

"I have my reasons…." Poe decided it was better not to mention Finn. "Why does it matter?"

"Just be aware that next time, your life is forfeit." Poor kid was scrambling for excuses.

"You're not really cut out for this 'dark killer' life, are you?" Poe mused.

Wrong thing to say. Leia went rigid and Poe closed his eyes, wishing he could take back the flimsy retort. Kylo Ren had murdered hundreds since his creation. Han was only his most recent victim. Poe had to stop confusing the enemy with _Ben_.

"3-PO let me in," Kylo Ren said quietly. Poe looked up in time to glimpse unhappiness in shielded brandy eyes, before the transmission ended.

" _What_ did he say?" Leia breathed out.

Baffled, Poe straightened and tried to reactivate the transmission. Of course he was ignored.

"3-PO!" Leia accused.

"I must insist, I am not to blame in this matter!" the golden droid defended himself. "I merely directed a radar technician when he said there was a room with a bad circuit. Oh dear."

"3-PO," Leia repeated. She shook her head and approached the console. "I can't believe it."

"We need to start regulating _all_ recruits," Poe determined. If _Kylo Ren_ himself had snuck into the base, what more did the First Order have waiting for them?

"He didn't bring any others."

Poe glanced down in confusion. Leia stood with her eyes closed, sensing that which even Rey never seemed to notice. "He came alone," Leia repeated. "He hasn't jeopardized the Resistance."

"Why not?" It wasn't rational. The scourge of the galaxy had paid a social call, decimated a pilot's quarters, strolled back to the First Order, and checked up to ensure his vandalism had been noticed.

A ghost of hope flickered in Leia's eyes. "Maybe you're getting through to him."

Poe stared.

"I always knew you would hold him back where Han and I failed," Leia said softly. "You showed him the value of the light."

"He was influenced by _me?_ " Raking a hand through his hair, Poe invoked the memories. Canron and Y-wings and furious dark eyes. "I know we argued…."

"Yes, but everyone quarrels," Leia dismissed. "There was more to Ben than you remember. You were his only friend."

"You think… you think I could change him." The idea was preposterous. Kylo Ren had dragged him off Jakku; left him to the torture of the stormtroopers; devastated his mind. "That isn't possible."

"He called _you_ ," Leia reminded. "Something changed when Han died – I _felt_ it." She gripped Poe's arm, a first smile lighting her weary eyes. "You can bring him back."

"He created the First Order," Poe argued sensibly.

"He _wants_ to be redeemed."

Peace flooded a general wrecked by war, and Poe could not refuse her. He blew out slowly and tapped the console.

"So how do I find the kid?"

* * *

.

.

.

* * *

 **Whoo-hoo! Tentatively I have pre-written the last chapter!** (Just in time, because I have a new job and very little writing time.) Now I can try and weave in a few more prompts for lil' Ben and make sure the plot is flowing smoothly. Still another 10+ chapters in the future, so hang on tight!

 **Thank you to feelthatfire, Time2read, Lazerkat, CrazedFangirl13, Queenie23, FoxfaceFan1, hellraiserphoenix, Miss Corrine, Replica Velocity aka x5 714, Brieval, JunJunyil, and BAD WOLF1221 for reviewing!**

 _For the record, Ben Solo now has **brown** eyes in this fic._


	30. Sick Days

_(Before Kylo Ren) (Ben is 10)_

* * *

The flu was encumbering. Coughing his esophagus out _while_ throwing up was ghastly. Being petted and sympathized over by every kriffin' cadet in the academy was humiliating beyond compare.

So General Solo had forbidden visitors to Poe's room. Droids only.

She was so nice he could have begged her to adopt him. He was cold and aching and miserable and kicking off the blankets and ready to throw something just like the Solo kid, and it was marvelous not to have Jess cooing in his ear or Ech'ban running outside with a hand clapped over his mouth whenever Poe started to gag. No, Poe Dameron did not need compassion. He needed a black hole to burrow into until his stomach returned to where it belonged.

No visitors? When he heard the order he would gladly have benched his X-wing and surrendered himself to sanitation duty if the general had asked it of him. She deserved his loyalty.

The only problem remaining was the screeching acklay outside his door.

"I told you, Ben, no visitors in the sick room." Han's voice was almost as loud as Ben's boots thunking against the wall. "Leave the kid alone, for kriff's sake."

"You didn't let me in yesterday! What if he's gotten worse? What if I don't get to see him again? You let him visit me whenever I'm sick!"

"The worst you ever catch is a cold, and then you whine and complain until I pull him out of class. Take it easy, Ben. He's not _dying_."

The last word only resulted in a throe of howls. Poe flipped a pillow over his ears. "Stop, stop, stop…"

By some miracle of the Force (or a child's uncanny hearing), the noise ceased. Poe imagined he could hear Ben blustering, thinking of the best way to twist his parents' orders in his favor. There was a solid clap at the door before squeaky new boots stomped away.

"Fine!" Ben shouted. "If he dies I'll never forgive you!"

"Ben Solo!" Heavier footsteps quickly followed suit. "You turn around right now, young man, or your mother is going to hear about this and you know what…"

Poe squeezed his eyes shut as the sound died away, and tried to ignore the squeal of a passing droid. He tried not to swallow. Headaches and throat aches together? It must be a curse of the Sith. (The Force was real, right? Which meant that the bad side held a grudge against him.)

He was Poe kriffing Dameron. He did not need coddling, pity parties, or chattering baby Jedi. It would all pass in a day or two, anyways. He could take care of himself.

Independence sure was lonely.

* * *

"Poe! Poe!"

Mumbling, Poe turned towards the whisper and instinctively flung the blanket over his head. "G'way." His throat felt like he'd swallowed a vibroblade. Make that a lightsaber. Two of them. With cross-blades.

His pillow was suddenly snatched away and whacked over his head. "Poe!"

"Whu?" Dizzily Poe opened his eyes and squinted. A small form grinned deviously beside his bed. "Ben?"

"Not Ben! Shhh!" Ben looked around warily and pointed to the blond tangle on his head. "I'm Matt."

"Oh." Not a good time for role-play. Gingerly Poe cleared his throat. _Ow_. "Does General Solo know you're here?"

"Uh-uh." Ben shook his head and the technician goggles slid off his nose. "I'm undercover!"

"Oh. So am I." Poe burrowed under the covers again. "Night, Ben."

"Poe!" Ben whined. "I came here to see you!"

"Can you see me later?" Poe pleaded. "M'kinda tired." A gundark could have discerned he could barely whisper.

"But I brought you medicine so you'll feel better."

Poe's eyes flew open and he apprehensively pulled down the blankets. "Tha's not the vanilla you stole from your mom's cupboard again, is it?"

"That was Uncle Lando's – he has a chef. And it isn't." Proudly Ben held up a glassy red bottle. "It's cough medicine. I pretended I was sick so Mother would let me visit you, but it didn't work. You should drink this. It's better than canron!"

"Ben, how much of that did you drink?" Poe asked warily.

' _Hic!_ '

Moaning, Poe snagged his pillow back and groaned into it. "Your mom's gonna kill me. Again."

"She's not my mom – she's Ben's mother. I'm Matt." Smugly Ben proffered the bottle and a spoon. "Drink it. You have to! I risked Father's eternal apathy!"

Poe flopped the pillow back, opened his mouth to retort, and then frowned. "That's … not exactly the word you're looking for."

"Whatever. Just drink it. I'm going to be in trouble already, so I may as well do you some good. Open your mouth." Insistently Ben prodded him with the spoon.

Sighing, wishing the little krayt dragon would leave him to be miserable in peace, Poe complied.

Turns out Leia's cough syrup tasted a whole lot better than canron.

* * *

 _(Aftermath)_

* * *

The flu was ghastly. Balmorra Flu was born of the Sith.

Which happened to be exactly what Poe was tracking down when he was waylaid by disease on Dantooine. Logical explanation? It was Ben's fault – all Ben. The kid always had some sort of disaster trailing after him.

He'd had the flu to varying degrees before, and it all computed to one thing: wallowing in self-pity and appreciation for undisturbed sleep. Balmorra Flu did not afford its victims such luxury. There was a tiny lightsaber-dealing, helmeted imp dancing around in his head, and swollen sinuses translated to a piercing ache that rapidly spread from his forehead to his chin. The abandoned hovel he'd taken refuge in had a distinct lack of proper toiletries. Poe had sacrificed his sleeves to mop up his leaking face hours ago. He was hurting, alone, and thoroughly wretched, and he was certain this was the Force's payback for all the time he had refused help as a child.

BB-8 whirred unhappily, rolling from the door, to the empty chests that Poe had already rifled through while searching for medicine, and back to the pilot's hand. Anxiously the droid bumped under Poe's fingers and rocked, whining low until the other smiled.

"Thanks, BB," Poe murmured. "Take it easy. I'll be fine."

The droid looked up hopefully and chittered, roving away to scout the room once more. There was nothing helpful to be found – Poe had searched every nook before he felt too sore to leave the dusty bunk – but it kept BB-8 busy and that meant the droid could worry less.

 _What I wouldn't give for something ice cold right now,_ Poe thought, forcing a knifing swallow. _Investigate Dantooine for leads on a pouty Sith lord? Brilliant plan, General Organa. Should've just put a tracker in that metal trap he calls a helmet._

Briefly Poe wondered what he would have seen if Kylo Ren had removed his helmet during the interrogation. He wasn't exactly the most daunting tyrant without a mask. _Now you're losing it, Dameron. What's next – Phasma is actually gorgeous without the silver armor? Kriff, I'm as bedazzled as Finn when he first saw a toy store._

That had been an all-day adventure. Of course Finn had wanted a model of every fighter, whether Resistance, First Order or Ancient Empire. Poe's credit reserves had suffered, but there was something extraordinary about a former stormtrooper discovering his childhood. Rey would have to accompany them next time – after Poe convinced the general that it was the honor of the Resistance to cover her purchases.

The memories relaxed him enough that he was just beginning to doze when a horrible shrieking filled the drafty shelter.

"Force!" Clattering ensued, along with a slew of vengeful oaths. "Stand down, droid! I forbid you to incite him to foolish heroics again."

"BB?" Poe rasped, forcing his eyes open. He saw a blur of orange and white crash into a dark mass. Mechanical arms and electric wires spasmed as BB-8 attacked…

 _Oh kriff, Kylo Ren has come to capture me and I'm half dead already._ He felt oddly at peace with the notion. Maybe the new First Order base had hydrators.

"Stop! Stop it!" Kylo Ren shouted, kicking BB-8's sphere. He leapt back, grabbing one leg, and snarled as his attacker whirred forward. "Dameron, call off your droid!"

"You tried to hurt'im," Poe remembered with a severe frown. _That_ was the problem with the Y-wing incident. "Course he's mad."

"You're not defending a droid again?" Kylo Ren ridiculed. "I ought to melt it down for scraps – you'll be begging for my leniency then."

"Kay. Just lemme know when you get'im." That would take a while. BB-8 had recently learned how to set people's clothes on fire.

"You blasted – here!" Viciously Kylo Ren flung a bottle at BB-8's dome and lunged out the door, black robes swirling around his legs. "You've been reprieved this time, Dameron!" he called back. "Next time I return, the entire First Order will be with me!"

"Yup. Can't wait to blast'em again." Poe smirked when BB-8 swiveled its head in confusion. "He's nice that way. Did he bring me medicine?"

Perplexed, BB-8 held out the bottle, peered at it closely, and wobbled up to offer it to Poe.

"S'cough syrup, isn't it?" Poe weakly grinned. "I'm being condescended by a Sith lord with tantrums."

A very worried BB-8 attempted the comlink again. Poe figured it would still be some hours before aid from the Resistance arrived. Which was fine. It wasn't fair for Kylo Ren to let him go free, only to be captured instead.

"M'not thinking right," Poe mumbled. He blinked heavily and frowned. "He didn't use the Force on you?"

BB-8 tottered in the equivalent of a shrug.

"Course he didn't." Poe smiled wanly. "Cause he's nice that way. I think he promised once that he wouldn't hurt me with the Force again."

Looking away, he trailed off. "Of course he lied. He said he wouldn't but …"

It wasn't fair that emotions took advantage of him when he was sick. Curling into himself, Poe relinquished himself to the ache that he was finally beginning to understand.

"He – he was my friend," he babbled to BB-8. "He p-promised he would never…never..."

 _... He promised._

* * *

 _._

 _._

 _._

* * *

 **This chapter** **was actually written** _before_ the Radar Technician made his first appearance in Chapter 29, but the timelines shifted a bit. Have some more undercover Ben! ;) (You can blame this one on Space Opera Singer - we were discussing how BB-8 should personally take on Kylo Ren in defense of Poe.)

 **Thank you to Lazerkat, time2read, CHiPsfangirl, Runawayvegas, Replica Velocity aka S5 714, hellraiserphoenix, Brievel, there'snothingwrong withwhoIam, Queenie23, Miss Corrine, JunJunyil, and Guest (1), Guest (2), and Guest (3) for reviewing!**


	31. Special Cases

_(Before Kylo Ren) (Ben is 9)_

* * *

Kids younger than twenty shouldn't have lightsabers, Poe determined early on. Blasters, vibroblades, and sharp objects should also be prohibited in special cases. Ben was a special case.

Early morning wakeup calls were an occupational hazard in the academy. The upper ranks picked on the cadets, dragging them out at odd hours for the stupidest errands. General Solo seemed to think that sleep deprivation was "good training". Poe had been given night shift _and_ morning duties just to be sure he could do his job with his eyes half-shut. And if things seemed too relaxed, a friend was always willing to wake a comfortable snoozer with a bucket of squirmy tadpoles.

This time, Poe's morning alarm was the panicked screeching of a nine-year-old.

"Dameron, get your kid out of here!" his bunkmate moaned, turning over to kick the wall.

"It all came off! Why do I do? Mother is going to be furious!" Desperately Ben shook Poe's shoulder until the cadet rolled upright.

"Wha – what happened?" Poe mumbled. "R'you hurt?"

"It came off!" Horrified, Ben held up a hank of black threads.

"You cut off your hair?" Poe blinked to focus and rubbed his eyes, checking to be sure. Tching in pity, he looked up at Ben and winced. "Ow."

"Don't say that! Just tell me how to fix it!" Ben prodded the chunk against his uneven bangs, attempting to tie the strands together.

"Ben, it's cut," Poe said sympathetically. "Severed. Not going back." Peering closer, he brushed the crisped ends close to Ben's scalp. "Did you burn yourself during training?"

"It wasn't my fault!" Ben exclaimed. "Chewie wouldn't give me my lightsaber back, so I tried Uncle Luke's."

"You 'acquired it without permission'," Poe guessed.

"That's not the point! Just help me!" Ben brandished the hair expectantly.

"Can you please work your miracles outside?" the upper bunkmate pleaded. Poe rapped on the bunk in retaliation. _Like I'm getting any sleep here._

"Okay." He sighed, standing and motioning for Ben to follow him to the 'fresher. "I can minimize the damage, but you're telling your mom what happened."

"I can't tell her!" Ben gasped. "She'll kill me!"

"She's a general – she's not allowed to murder her subordinates. Sit down."

Biting his lip, Ben perched on the edge of the sanisteam. He fiddled with Luke's lightsaber until Poe nudged his hand aside, wary of spontaneously activating lasers.

"Hold still," Poe cautioned. He crouched beside Ben and carefully aligned the burnt hair on his scalp.

"What are you doing?" Ben said in alarm.

"Just trimming," Poe murmured. "Don't move, okay?"

"That's a laser cutter!" Ben protested.

"I don't have scissors. Do you want your mom to see this or not?"

"If you kill me, I'll Force-haunt you and make you crash," Ben snarled.

"I promise you won't die – it won't even scar." He'd be haunted enough if Leia ever learned about this. Fine-point laser cutters weren't exactly intended for manicures. "Hold stil…. Just a sec… Done."

Shuddering, Ben raised a hand to his head and felt the spiky line. "You destroyed it!"

"I _trimmed_ it," Poe corrected. "It's even now. You can tell your parents you wanted to try a new hairstyle. Trust me, you'll be in less trouble than if they learned what you were _really_ doing. Now put that back." He pointed to Luke's lightsaber and clarified, "No one saw the accident, right?"

Stunned, Ben shook his head.

"Good." Yawning, Poe nudged the kid towards the door. "I'm going back to bed. Next time your lightsaber is confiscated, go bully Captain Antilles about blaster lessons."

"Only soldiers use blasters." Ben gagged.

"You're a divine inspirer," Poe said tartly. "I'll remember that at the shooting range."

"Not you, Poe," Ben hurriedly corrected. "You're supposed to use a blaster. You're a pilot."

"Not going to dissect kid logic right now," Poe stated. "Shoo. I'm tired."

"But you're always tired!" Dragging his feet, Ben trudged out of the room. Before he cleared the hall he was racing for Master Skywalker's room.

"Kids," Poe mumbled, rubbing a hand over his face. "If I was ever this bratty to my mom, the Force has a dratted sense of irony."

"Go to sleep, Dameron!" the bunkmate yowled.

* * *

 _(Aftermath)_

* * *

Rey was the only one who could possibly relate, and even she couldn't understand him.

"Why would you want him back?"

Poe stretched back in his chair and crossed his ankles under the table. _The kid used to complain that I slept too much – or was that snoring? Did I yawn too loudly?_ Whatever the case, Ben would have had something to say about Rey's insatiable appetite. She was always snacking on something – jelly, juicy, salty, crunchy, sweet, crumbly, tart, sloppy, doughy, leathery – it was as though she was making up for Jakku by scarfing down anything remotely palatable. Some of the combinations had sent her to the 'fresher retching (blue milk and salted pickles was ill-fated for the digestive system), and Poe felt queasy just imagining the taste.

"It's … complicated," Poe stated, nudging a bowl of canron towards the mound of emptying sample dishes. Rey nodded curtly and grabbed it, cramming spoonfuls into her mouth. _Huh. No wonder Kylo likes her._

"It doesn't make sense," Rey said when he failed to explain further. "He means to corrupt the galaxy. He murdered his own father."

"Don't remind me," Poe snapped.

Rey swallowed slowly. "You know I miss him, too," she said awkwardly. "That's why I can't understand this. Why would you want to save him?"

Scratching his chin, Poe tilted back in his chair. "I… knew him as a kid." _Sort of._

"So did I," Rey blurted. When Poe shot her a look she admitted, "I think I saw him once, when I was a child. He was still taller than me. I hated it."

Dumfounded, Poe laughed. "Well, at least I'm not the only one struggling with memory loss."

Rey's full spoon clanged into the bowl. "You still haven't told me what happened."

"There's nothing to say." He was defensive, and he didn't know why. There was no reason to uphold Kylo Ren.

"Don't hide behind your hero façade," Rey accused.

Raising both eyebrows, Poe posed, "Did Ech'ban tell you that?"

"Jessika Pava," Rey said. "She says you're a heinous communicator."

"I divulge any information that is required for the mission," Poe corrected.

"About yourself as well?" Rey countered.

"Only if it's need-to-know." Kylo Ren did not qualify as 'mission interference'. (Except for when he contacted Jessika and ordered her to 'initiate the first move'… And the time he transmitted a scandalous hologram to Snap's droid with footage of … Shuddering, Poe shook the image out of his mind.)

Raising her hand, Rey hesitated before laying it over Poe's. She was still practicing 'touch communication'. Poe didn't have the heart to tell her that in public, this gesture was a little too deep for 'just pals'.

"You think you're stronger if no one knows," Rey said, "But you're not." She was simple like that. No extraordinary, life-altering phrases from the Jakku scavenger. "You should speak to someone, Poe. You can't be alone forever."

Sighing, Poe patted her hand in acknowledgment of the gesture, earning a tiny smile before Rey tucked her hands around her bowl again. "Noted," he said casually. "I have a friend I can unload all of my troubles to. I'll talk with him tonight." BB-8 was a good listener.

Proud that her advice had been so profound, Rey nabbed another creamy dish and stuffed her face. Poe returned to the safe topic of the modifications to his X-wing, which Rey commented on gregariously. _Finn must get so lost during these conversations,_ Poe imagined as Rey intensely dealt out _why_ the hyperdrive of the Millennium Falcon persistently malfunctioned. _Come to think of it,_ _Ben hated machinery, too._

Kylo Ren was way out of his league with this girl.

* * *

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 ** _BAD WOLF 1221 suggested the "cut hair" scene for this chapter, and JunJunyil was hoping for a scene with Poe and Rey._**

 **Thank you** _to Elleth of Mossflower, Pricklefritz, BAD WOLF1221, FreelyBeYourself, CrazedFangirl13, SilverclawRose, Pinky-chan2, hannahinthesky44, JDantes15, Lazerkat, time2read, Brievel, nerdyninjaunicorn, Queenie23, hellraiserphoenix, Replica Velocity aka X5 714, Miss Corrine, and JunJunyil for reviewing!_


	32. Peace in the Unknown

_(Before Kylo Ren) (Ben is seven)_

* * *

Han used to call his son Benny – up until he was five years old and insisting he was "a growed up Jedi". Benny used to arrange stickers on his tongue and then wonder why they wouldn't adhere properly like they did on the walls. Benny tried coloring on every surface except the paper ("it's too bright and light" he complained"), until finally C-3PO implored Leia to "cease with Ewok childrearing methods" and give her son a proper datapad for learning. Benny used to make tinsel hats for his father before he decided he was too old for "Happy Life Day". Benny turned his nose at anything edible except canron.

Ben was blowing bubbles in his blue milk when Poe accidentally let the term slip.

"Yeah, I'll join you later," Poe called over his shoulder, waving to a small gang of cadets. "Just need to give something to Benny here."

A wailing bantha was less traumatic to the hearing.

Cautiously lifting his hands from his ears, Poe raised both eyebrows as Ben launched from his chair and stamped his foot.

"It's Ben! I'm Ben! You're supposed to be nice, Dameron!"

Oh, the rage of a gap-toothed seven-year-old. Bemused, Poe lowered himself to one knee and met the furious dark eyes with what he hoped was sincere apology. "Ben. Of course. That was terribly rude of me."

Placated, Ben flounced back to his chair and snatched his milk, blue froth sloshing over his hands. "You're supposed to say 'I'm sorry'."

"Uh… Beg pardon?" Poe suspected his eyebrows had merged with his hairline by now.

Ben seemed to take his unintended word as apology enough, as he nodded curtly and blew ferociously into his drink. Scratching his head, Poe straightened and held out a datapad. "Master Skywalker asked me to give you this. He said you appreciate art."

Curling his nose, Ben leaned over to peer at the screen. His eyes flew wide and he grabbed it from Poe's hands. "A lightsaber designer program?" The lisp really made it hard not to grin.

Awed, Ben looked up and nodded in shy thanks. "But you still have to call me Ben," he blurted in afterthought.

Clipping his heels together, Poe offered a mock bow. "I would never bribe the master of Jedi."

Ben snickered and then stuck out his tongue. True as Poe's childhood, the bantha milk had dyed it an inglorious shade of blue.

* * *

 _(Aftermath)_

* * *

He was Kylo Ren. He had slaughtered more Jedi and innocents than the galaxy could number. He was ruthless, pitiless, and pathetically uncontrollable.

Which might have been the only reason Poe could still associate him with the faint remnant of Ben. Ben was reckless. Destructive. Untamed. He was Kylo Ren in miniature, and no one had guessed until it was too late.

But if Kylo Ren was Ben under the cowl, then it only seemed right that someone should sneak in and drag him out.

Which was why Poe was questioning his sanity for the infinite time since he had returned from Dantooine. Ben Solo wanted to be found. There was no reason why Poe would have been spared and sheltered so many times. The kid was looking for a path to home.

He would never forgive Kylo Ren for murdering Han, but perhaps that final deed had shattered Ben's delusions and shown him what he was missing from the Light. Leia had pondered that aloud, as she hugged herself and struggled between anger and loneliness. A mother torn between her husband and her child; she had more right than Poe to hate her son, and still she yearned to hold him close one more time.

Exhausted, Poe slumped over his knees and carded a hand through his hair. Sometimes he could almost pinpoint a memory. Blue milk and a dark-haired kid who rode the mouse droids up and down the halls. Brushing his teeth alongside Ben as the tiny Jedi made faces at the mirror. He used to take Ben to the zoo – back before the First Order destroyed everything.

 _I used to like him. He was my buddy_. The acknowledgment accompanied a wave of images, and with them the hurt that Poe had shoved down on Jakku. Now he understood. Betrayal shoved him to his knees as he curled inward, wrapping his arms around his stomach. Ben had known what he was doing all along. Those crafty brown eyes had never changed with time.

Crushing his mouth under his hand, Poe choked softly and dug in his fingers, muffling the sound. _Don't come, BB-8. Not this time! I can't –_

A mask couldn't hide the delight of a man in power. Ben had twisted Poe's mind into a tormented desert and relished his control. He had taken _everything_.

 _I never did anything to you!_ Poe screamed into the void – into the Force – into whatever invisible tether could transmit his thoughts to Ben. _Why? How could you hate me so much?_

He had given all that he had. Memories trickled in broken seams; of headaches and struggling to speak in full sentences, of blasters being shoved at his head, of broken mirrors and torn jackets, of standing helplessly as Ben screamed at his parents because apparently Poe was interfering _again_ and Ben wanted everyone to leave him alone.

Angry sobs broke through and Poe bent over his knees, salty tears slipping past his clamped fingers. He gave a muffled cry, sucked it in, ordered himself to hold it together, and still the barricades crumbled. Years of penning it all inside were in vain. He knew enough – that it _hurt_ and he was tired of the pain and he wanted it all to be over. No more Kylo Ren. No more muddy hands flinging around him from behind, or pouting frowns when he didn't want to play jumping paddy frog for the thirtieth time. He was tired – so tired – so wretchedly, uselessly weary with _losing_ whenever he tried. He wanted it all to fade, to revert back to the time when he saw a wild-haired kid tangled in wires, when he could just walk away and pretend he never cared what happened to a brat who just wanted his parents to be home for his birthday…..

He was sobbing, trembling, screaming out the aches and insecurities of a lifetime, when the doors swished aside. He heaved a gasp and waved frantically, begging the intruder to walk away quietly as though nothing was amiss. _No! Go! I'll be fine! Fine!_

She wouldn't listen. She never listened, but she always knew. Leia sprang inside and knelt beside him, pulling him against her as though she had borne him and loved him all her life, as though he hadn't fallen apart and destroyed his composed reputation in a pathetic, degrading puddle of whimpers. She held him and stroked him, hiding his face from the world, and he clung to her as he hadn't since the day he nearly called her ' _mother'_.

"Oh, Poe. My boy." Leia's voice broke, her fingers intertwined in his hair, damp with her own grief, and he remembered why he was loyal to her above all else. "My poor, dear boy!"

"Why?" he begged, forcing back images of toy banthas and devious grins. "He – he – " _He wasn't supposed to betray **me**._

"Take it away again?" Poe entreated, shaking like a snared lepi. "Make me forget it?" _Forget him. I can't take this any longer._

"Poe, don't ask me to do that!" Leia ducked her head against his own, gripping him tighter. Quivering. "Force, I can't lose you again."

Once again his devotion forced him beyond his own self, and he found himself quieting. Accepting. Acknowledging that there was no other way. He could not abandon her.

Leai had no more sons to sacrifice.

"I'll bring him back." Despondency sharpened into determination and Poe clenched his teeth, stoking anger out of the pain. "I'll bring him back to you." Willing or in chains. Ben Solo would answer for what he had done.

"Poe, don't throw yourself away in hatred." Somehow she guessed. She always knew what he was feeling. "Don't become like him."

Just like that, his fervor evaporated. Sagging, Poe breathed shallowly and clasped the general's weathered hand. "What do you want me to do?"

He had no direction. He was empty.

"Stay." It was a command. It was a favor. It was what she needed. "Don't run after him." Pausing, Leia added in cautious, tested words, "He will come back to us, Poe. I know he is looking towards the light."

She clasped him briefly, and Poe felt a nudge from the unseen, ushering in a recollection of a nine-year-old Ben, screaming in a flurry as he stamped his feet, calming down instantaneously when Poe entered the room.

It wasn't _his_ memory.

"You're my son's only hope," Leia said raggedly. "You're his tether to the light. It's too much to ask of you, Poe. It was always too much."

 _Please._

 _Stay._

Breathing hoarsely, Poe swallowed the last of his tears and nodded. "He's coming, isn't he?"

Leia stilled, hope and fear stealing her breath away. She clenched Poe's hand. "I'm going after him."

* * *

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 **Unfortunately I'm running out of chapters for new prompts, but I am still logging ideas for possible "deleted scenes". :)**

 **Thank you to SilverclawRose, CrazedFangirl13, hellraiserphoenix, Miss Corrine, time2read, JunJunyil, BAD WOLF1221, Brievel, Replica Velocity aka X5 714, Booksnake3, Queenie23, and Lazerkat for reviewing!**


	33. No More Games

_(Before Kylo Ren) (Ben is seven)_

* * *

"Here."

His fourth Life Day without his parents, Poe was willing to forget the festivities and try "the good stuff" that Ech'ban had smuggled from Captain Antilles' quarters. He had found his own dark corner, far away from the cheerful glitter of red and gold, and had just chipped the lid off with his teeth when a lanky-haired shadow blocked the entrance.

"I made it," Ben said shortly, flapping a package in Poe's direction. "Take it."

"Uh..." He was crouched against the wall, clearly wanting _alone time_ , and the Solo kid was suddenly gregarious enough to offer him a present?

"What's it for?" Poe asked uncertainly. His mother-trained-conscience twinged. That was rude.

"I mean..." Sighing, he reached over as far as he could without shuffling from his position and scraped the package into his hand. "Thanks."

Ben tucked his hands behind his back and shifted his feet.

"Do you... want me to open it now?" Poe asked dubiously.

"It's your present," Ben snapped. "Why do I care?"

Touchy. Twisting his mouth to the side, Poe casually spun on his rear until he was facing the shadow. The bottle rolled closer to the wall, momentarily forgotten. "Okay. Here goes."

Turning the blob of shredded paper and knotted string, he tried to find the 'starting point'. Ben made an exasperated sound.

"Would you just open it!"

"I'm on it," Poe placated as he flipped his knife out. The old blade with its knicked handle always came in handy. Slicing through the strings, he ruffled aside paper fragments and finally unwound a plastic model.

"An Imperial Shuttle?" he said in surprise.

Ben scowled. "They didn't have any X-wings."

"Life Day rush," Poe acknowledged. He waved the model experimentally and forced a smile. "Thanks. You put this together?"

"Father helped," Ben mumbled shyly. He fingered the edges of the closet doorway and waited.

"It's nice," Poe said, wondering what it would take for the kid to be satisfied. Didn't he have more interesting thing to do than to bother a gloomy cadet? There must be presents abounding for the son of two war generals.

Still Ben waited.

"Are your... friends waiting for you?" Poe tried again.

Ben shrugged.

"Okay..." Poe set the model beside him. He gathered the shreds of paper, attempting to "neaten his nest", and finally tossed them in front of his boots. No sense cleaning up the mess when the heater fan would just blow it into a flurry again.

"You're supposed to give me a present," Ben said blatantly.

Poe blinked. "Beg pardon?" He hadn't actually planned something for the kid. It wasn't like he knew the Solos all that well.

"I gave you a gift," Ben stated. "You're supposed to return one."

Oh, yeah. Life Day customs. Poe wondered if he had remembered anyone this year. He probably had a small stack of unopened packages in his room to make up for.

"Present..." Searching his pockets, Poe counted the random treasures of the day. A swirly black marble, two screws he'd pocketed after dropping the repair kit, half a squashed jelly pastry, a cut wire, a discarded metal circle that he imagined would work well in a droid, a small hydrospanner, ignominious pieces of lint, and a handful of sticky candy wrappers.

"Here," Poe offered, cupping the marble and hydrospanner into Ben's hand. "Happy Life Day."

Ben grinned. Suddenly the dingy closet felt oppressive, and Poe wanted out.

"Kay. Party," he grunted, rising from his crouch and shooing Ben away from the entrance. "Does your mom know you're here?"

"She said to get you," Ben said brightly. Inspecting Poe's stance, he shoved his hands in his pockets and stooped his shoulders.

 _Kriff, I'm becoming a role model,_ Poe thought as he instinctively straightened. The action was mimicked in turn.

"Great. One of these days I won't even be able to cuss properly," Poe muttered, following the child to the great room filled with lights.

"So what does it mean when you say..." Ben spat out a word and Poe clapped a hand over his eyes.

"Daft - just say daft. It means someone's really stupid."

Ben perked up. "Father never says it like that." He tilted his head thoughtfully. "It's a good word."

"Party. Now." Herding Ben towards the celebration, Poe resolved to watch his tongue from thereon.

He had the uneasy feeling that he was going to become permanently involved in Solo matters.

* * *

 _(Aftermath)_

* * *

When Kylo Ren contacted again, Poe wasn't ready.

He saw food fights and entranced brown eyes as a starship mobile bobbed overhead. He saw Leia tutting fondly as two boys bickered over who had the better crayon. (Poe had chosen yellow. Ben insisted that green paired perfectly with silver.) He saw loneliness as a child watched his parents fly away, wondering if they would ever return.

He saw everything but the killer's mask.

When Kylo Ren tossed his helmet aside, Poe could only see _Ben_.

"Is Mother with you?" Kylo Ren asked tersely. His voice was quieter than normal.

Leia answered for Poe, gripping his shoulder. _Courage, Dameron._ "I'm here."

"You're not supposed to be." Kylo Ren's eyes flickered agitatedly. "I wish to speak to Dameron alone."

"We've had this conversation before," Leia chided. "I'm not going anywhere." Her eyes softened and she urged so softly that Poe could barely hear, "Come home, Benny."

Frustration and hopelessness flickered intensely before Kylo Ren averted his eyes. "You know I cannot."

"Why?" Leia prodded.

Anguish stole the dark one's breath. "Father…."

Faltering, Leia stepped back, shut her eyes, and then forced herself to respond without malice. "Your father believed in you. You're our son."

"I am nothing like the boy you knew." Wavering, Kylo Ren looked to Poe. "Ask him. He will prove it to you. You know what I did to his mind."

"Are we counting the Y-wing incident?" Poe quipped, if only to reverse the insecurity in Leia's eyes. "That was kind of your fault. And the time after that." He assumed he had hit his head again – something in the X-wing crash had triggered a memory.

Kylo Ren drew back, his face unreadable. "You could not remember," he said at length. "I incinerated your connections. Ben Solo no longer exists."

"That's where I got the scar, right?" Poe continued, indicating the white line in his hairline. "You really can't stand BB units."

"You do remember…." Kylo Ren murmured. He fumbled, looking more awkward and un-Sith-like than his first communication. "Then… you forgive me?"

Flummoxed, Poe leaned away from the console. Childish expectation adjoined the Dark Jedi to the trash compactor monster, and for a moment he saw Ben's cheeky eyes peeking out from behind a white mask. "I don't….."

He didn't forgive Kylo Ren. The sword of the First Order was unworthy of kindness. Passion flared white-hot in his chest and he wanted to sneer at the hologram and walk out of the room. For good.

"Poe…." Kylo Ren whispered.

 _"Poe? Wait, I didn't mean it! Poe, come back here! Poe!"_

"I don't…." Squeezing his eyes shut, Poe forced down the memory. _Counting to eight hundred while Ben slept in his lap. Waiting for the Falcon…._

"I expected no less," Kylo Ren said with finality. He fingered his helmet and shook his hair back, raising the mask with heavy hands. "You win, Dameron. You were always better."

"Wait."

Kylo Ren hesitated.

Pressing his fist against the console, Poe recited the words like a mantra in his head, until they flowed out willingly. His last sacrifice of hope.

"Where would I meet you?"

"You would…?" Kylo Ren stammered silently for a moment. "You would see me in person?"

Uneasily Poe nodded.

"You trust me?" Kylo Ren's voice faltered.

That thin break of tone decided Poe's future. "You still know how to fly a B-wing?" he murmured.

"Poe, you know I can't fly," Kylo Ren spat. Understanding replaced venom and his lips parted in the ghost of a smile. "You _do_ know that."

"Dantooine," Poe said curtly. "Forty-eight hours."

Releasing a shaky breath, Kylo Ren lowered his helmet. "You'll come alone?"

"I'm not dying for the First Order," Poe drawled. "Of course I'm bringing some friends. You don't shoot, we don't shoot. We all get along."

Kylo Ren scowled. "Hux's stormtroopers will not accompany me."

"Then we have no reason to quarrel." Poe shrugged. "Forty-eight hours – and don't bring the lasersword."

Mouth curling in a grimacing, lopsided smile, Kylo Ren tossed his helmet aside. "I won't need it."

* * *

There was no sleep that night for the general or her pilot. Doubt assuaged every thought. The only constant was Leia's proclamation.

"I felt the light embrace him." Leia spoke confidently, even while she charted battle plans with Captain Antilles. "He will return to us."

Fiddling with the broken wing of a model X-wing, Poe remained silent. He wished he could share her rhapsody.

* * *

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 **hellraiserphoenix gave the prompt for a "Christmas/birthday present"**

 _That just about fills in my prompt space for the next series of chapters (all slots now taken), but I will keep taking ideas in case I write "deleted scenes"._

 **Thank you to SilverclawRose, Fangirl4life2001, CrazedFangirl13, Brievel, Queenie23, JunJunyil, hellraiserphoenix, feelthatfire, Live4dancing, Relica Velocity aka X5 714, time2read, Miss Corrine, and guests Lunar Loon, Guest, and Percabeth14 for reviewing!**

 **(** In answer to guest Lunar Loon's questions **:** How did Kylo Ren come up with his Sith name? I have no clue. There's probably a book on that somewhere, or there will be in the future.) ;)


	34. Tempest

_(Before Kylo Ren) (Tag to Chapter 13) (Ben is fourteen)_

* * *

Leia always knew when her boys were hurting.

Poe was the soft ache of an orphan, avoiding her whispers of _home_. She looked after him from afar, and remembered too often that he had a mother and not every child wanted another.

Ben was the sharp lance in her soul; the urgency and fervency and desperation that sprang from a mother's womb. She coddled him, oh how she softened reality, even while Han despaired for Ben's state of mind and Luke harangued that he should be prepared for the ongoing war.

Poe was her wandering child, but Ben was her heart.

Sometimes she had to choose whom to comfort.

She felt them both wring out one morning; bitterness and hurt and regret dulling the brightness of her young stars. Han, blind in his work as always, only saw the storm.

"What in the blazes did you say to Poe?" Leia heard his accusation even before the door swished open and Ben stalked inside, followed closely by his father.

"It's his fault!" Ben flumped onto the couch, kicking his heels against the floor. "If he didn't - "

"Oh, so it's Poe's fault now," Han asserted. "Two months ago you would've been Force-slapping anyone who had a grudge against him, but you can - "

"I didn't say that!" He was so small, lanky limbs and too-long hair melting into the furniture, but the flurry of his anger often outmatched his father. Force have mercy, Leia was getting used to shouting matches.

"Why do you always accuse me of hurting him?" Ben snapped.

Han flung out his hands in mock surprise. "I'm sorry, did I mistake the Y-wing attack?"

"Han!" Leia shouted.

Ben's jaw fell slack. His chin wobbled, and dark eyes brimmed with betrayal.

"Kriff," Han muttered, rubbing a hand over his eyes. "Ben, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to - "

"Just leave me alone!" Tears cracked Ben's voice as he bolted from the couch. He stumbled, too-big feet still catching up with his legs, and crashed in the hall. His door slid shut against a wretched howl.

Leia shot one look at Han and curtly shook her head.

"Leia," he began, reaching out to plead with her. "I..." Flinging his hand up, he backed away. "Kriff. Kriff."

The man who had swayed her with the perfect, cutting punch lines now had no words to defend himself. Leia felt his regret as keenly as Ben's pain, but she could only comfort one right now. Turning her back to her husband, she swept to Ben's room.

She could hear his sobs through the durasteel door. "Ben?" Leia called softly as she rapped on the barricade.

"Go away!"

"Ben..." Sighing, Leia flicked the release, grateful they had never allowed a lock on Ben's door. She stepped inside, breaking at the sight of her dark haired son, scrunched in the furthest corner of his bunk. Lanky waves veiled the hands covering his face. Force, he was still so young.

Ben didn't fight her when she scooted to sit beside him. He turned into her embrace, clasping her dress with clammy hands. She remained silent as he cried; shouldering his grief, emphasizing with the uncertain heart that strayed between darkness and light.

"I hate him," Ben keened, voicing the hurt she had never known. "I hate him!"

"Ben," Leia whispered in rebuke.

"No! He - he never listens!" Tearstained brandy eyes rose, and with them a throe of antagonism that quivered Leia's senses. "I'm tired of trying to do everything right and he still doesn't care!"

"Ben, your father loves you!" Leia's voice shook as she poured words over him, hoping that something would make sense. "He would give his life for you. You know that everything we fight for has been for your future." Oh, how she wished she had more than the petty comforts she offered to the family of every fallen soldier. Such words sounded meaningless now.

Ben shuddered. Gritting his teeth, he forced in an impassioned tone, "I wasn't talking about Father."

* * *

 _(Aftermath)_

* * *

Grimness clenched the throats of every Resistance fighter who accompanied the convoy to Dantooine. A trap was anticipated. Kylo Ren would keep his word, General Organa warned, but he would certainly not be alone. If she failed to bring him quietly, then they would attack with all necessary force. Perhaps, with the aid of the Force, this would be his last day of terror.

Poe entered the cockpit silently and watched Leia rest her head against the durasteel framework, utterly drained. For her sake, he would pray to the Force itself that it was Ben who had contacted them. Leia had suffered enough games.

"You think he'll come?" Poe murmured.

Startled, Leia glanced sharply towards him and then relaxed, smiling for his sake. "You've always been too kind to us, Poe. You shouldn't have volunteered for this mission."

 _Not after what happened,_ he read.

"I can't tell them apart," Poe admitted. "Ben and … and the other. I get alternating vibes about him."

"Have you remembered anything new?" Leia wondered. Worry shadowed her tone and Poe readily shook his head.

"Nothing to be concerned over." The nightmares he would keep to himself. Sometimes, in the vibrant twists of his dreams, Kylo Ren tossed the helmet aside and smiled before carving through Poe's mind. He would wake clutching his head, trying to hold in something that had already been stolen.

"I'm fine," Poe assured when Leia narrowed her eyes. "Just tired."

Thoughtfully Leia nodded. "I want you to stay on board," she said at length.

Dumbfounded, Poe leaned against the doorway and folded his arms. "I thought you wanted me to communicate with him."

"Something isn't right." Leia shook her head, her mind far away. "I made that mistake once before…."

Straightening, she snatched Poe's gaze and nodded curtly. "I will speak to Ben. The convoy will accompany me; I'll be well guarded. You will remain here with Ech'ban and Finn, and wait for my word."

"You want me to hide," Poe clarified testily. "I'm not afraid of him." He was furious and anxious, as though Kylo Ren was a Tie Fighter; awestriking and destined for scrapmetal at the same time.

"You're not afraid of anything, Poe," Leia snipped. "That's my problem." She raised her chin, barring all arguments. "I've given you an order, Dameron. Stay on this ship and wait for my orders. I won't lose anyone else for his sake. I won't mourn both you and Han."

She was deliberately manipulating him. Something was amiss and she was pushing Poe into timeout, humiliating him with a safety blanket while she played Mama Ewok. She had never hesitated to risk his life before.

"Why now?" Poe challenged. "Why not before Jakku? I'm compromised – is that it? You think I can't handle Kylo Ren after all those transmissions?"

Leia did not rise to the argument. "You _are_ compromised, Poe. … But not because of yourself." Her gaze flickered to the floor, resting on one scoured part of the wall. Now that Poe looked closely, it looked as though a child had crudely burned a B-wing sketch into the plating.

"He's too attached," Leia said softly. "Whatever is drawing him here, it's because of you. If my feelings are wrong… if he responds as he did with his father…."

Tortured brown eyes rested on Poe and he finally understood.

"The memories may not have been enough," Leia affirmed. "He may be here for you."

Poe tucked his hands in his back pockets, rose tiptoe a few times, chewed his lip contemplatively, and sighed. "Well, just give me a schedule for when your ship needs a diaper change and naptime, 'cause I expect I'll be here a few hours."

He hated it. It was why he had flung himself into the battle after Jakku. It was why he didn't hesitate to assault Starkiller Base. No Dameron went down without a fight. He didn't travel to Dantooine to babysit Leia's starcruiser while she shouted down her obstreperous brat.

Of course Leia knew that – she always knew – and Poe felt guilty when she winced. "Poe…." Deflating, Leia admitted, "You know I never would have –"

"It's fine." He broke in before she had to expose herself further. Waving idly, Poe forced nonchalance. "Really, General; I know how to follow orders. I'll stay put."

Leia exhaled between her teeth. Poe suspected that – past ignored – they had crossed the line between soldier and general and kinfolk long ago. Little wonder she couldn't place him on the field. She herself had been compromised.

"All right," Leia stated. "Ech'ban and Finn will remain here. We'll need the ship for emergency backup."

"If there are any Fighters, we'll know," Poe assured.

Leia smiled tightly and brushed past him. She paused in the doorway, resting a hand on Poe's arm. It was a gesture of fondness.

Or farewell.

Anxiety cloyed Poe's throat and he wondered if he would see her alive again.

He whirled to say 'goodbye', and the words choked him.

Then she was gone.

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 _ **SilverclawRose gave me the idea** for a Leia comforting Ben scene. It didn't turn out as sweet and fluffy as I had intended. :/ Ben has a sad life._

 **Thank you to CrazedFangirl13, Rinter, time2read, Pinky-chan2, Brievel, hellraiserphoenix, Replica Velocity aka X5 714, SilverclawRose, Miss Corrine, JunJunyil, and guest erinblak18 for reviewing!**


	35. Fools Run Where Sithlords Fear to Tread

**Thank you to CHiPsfangirl, CrazedFangirl13, Pinky-chan2, SilverclawRose, Replica Velocity aka X5 714, Brievel, Queenie23, JunJunyil, time2read, Miss Corrine, hellraiserphoenix, and guest Lunar Loon for reviewing!**

 **(Numerous reviewers asked for another pov of "the Y-wing incident". At long last, here it is!)**

* * *

 _(Before Kylo Ren)_

 _(Tag to Chapter 14) (Ben is 13)_

* * *

Strangely, he didn't feel angry when he stomped into the hangar. It was fun to be sullen and watch everyone scramble out of his way. "The creepy kid" they called him. He hated them for it, and enjoyed it when they ran. Sometimes he purposefully hurt someone (not Poe, never Poe) just to prove that he was more powerful and important.

When he Forced the hangar doors open, he expected a show. He'd be shooed out, scolded, he'd scream at the unlucky officer who was nominated to tell his parents, and he'd feel better since they were all too scared to do anything about him anyways, and it was another way to make his parents _deal_ with him when they were too busy doing other _stuff_ in the Republic. He was ten years old now. He was the grandson of Anakin Skywalker. There was no need to fear Master Luke's fussing. His heritage was too imperative to risk ending his training, anyways.

So when the stupid droid rolled into his way, Ben reacted. They didn't need another BB unit – there were plenty of serviceable surveillance droids available. It would just take one push and the entire hangar would freeze up in fear.

Impossibly – terrifyingly – Poe moved faster, and Ben felt his world crash inward even as he pulled back his hands.

It couldn't be stopped. Once the Force took form, only another Jedi could defend against it.

Poe wasn't a Jedi.

Ben heard his screams ring in the hangar. He saw the BB unit race for help, and all he could do was lash out a hand and try to pull Dameron back – _No, please don't I'm sorry you weren't supposed to be in the way –_ only to scream again when Poe slammed into the Y-wing above them. He slid and Ben ran – _don't fall I can't catch you Master Luke why aren't you here when I need help?_ – and three pilots dashed to the scene. _It's too late you're not fast enough someone catch him please!_

"Poe! Poe!" Ben reached out again, willing the pilot to halt midair, but the Force drifted out of his hands. _"Poe!"_

As if the unseen finally responded to his plea, the cadet landed on his feet. Ben cried out, sagging when Poe remained standing. _The Force saved you somehow but it's my fault and I'm sorry I won't do it again –_

Staggering, Poe looked up with glazed eyes and Ben's heart leapt in fear. Poe started to laugh, glancing up to the horrible ship – _I hope Mother scraps it or I'll burn it myself and blame it on that stupid BB unit –_ and shifted one leg forward.

The dip in balance drove him to his knees. Ben shoved the nearest pilot away and skidded to his friend's side – _you're my only friend I'm sorry don't be dying please there isn't anyone else who listens to_ _me_ –

"Poe!" he yelled, patting the pilot's cheek. _No don't look at me that way you're all right Poe Dameron start responding to me daft it!_

Brown eyes rolled upward and Ben shrieked, toppling in his effort to break Poe's fall. Instantly frantic hands were yanking him away. He kicked out, hollering curses, and froze when one of the pilots shouted, "You'll kick in his head, you fool!"

Horrified, Ben fell into their grasp. Unkind hands dragged him back while too many people gathered around Poe. _Get away he's my friend you can't touch him he needs me let me see him!_

"Someone get the Jedi!"

"I'm not getting a response out of him."

"Give him some breathing room! You, get the medics."

"Where's the general? Why isn't anyone controlling that kid?"

"I told you this would happen one day."

Sobbing, Ben clamped his sleeves over his eyes and curled into himself. The hand on his shoulder was secure, with no reassurance. _I'm sorry I'm sorry it was an accident!_

"Ben? Ben!"

He cried when he heard his mother's voice and tore away, slamming into her arms. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"Ben!" Leia knelt and gripped his shoulders; the first compassionate touch he had felt since entering the hangar. "What happened, Benny?" She turned before he could speak. "Captain Antilles, report."

"Move aside!" The crowd scrambled before Antilles could speak, as Luke darted to the crippled form lying in their midst. Leia gasped.

"Oh no…." Shock filtered to pity and pity spiked into realization. When Leia swung to face Ben, her eyes reflected his despair. "Ben, you didn't….?"

He was babbling and screaming and dripping all over his robes, and it wouldn't stop he couldn't make it stop and Poe was dying and it was all his fault. Leia's eyes snapped as though she would smack him, then her anger dissolved into the general that Ben hated but oh how he wanted her to not be angry with him this one time.

"Ben, stop. Enough," Leia said sternly. "You'll sicken yourself. 3PO, get him to his room. Han!"

The fear Ben saw in his father's eyes was more terrifying than anger. Watching his parents run to Poe's side – _it was an accident I never wanted to hurt him –_ seeing their intensity as they surrounded him and kept his head from bashing the floor as he thrashed – _no it's not right he's always in control he can't be sick that way –_ Ben hated it and yet he yearned for Poe to be that important to his family. _They're my parents not yours! But I want you to stay!_

He fought off 3PO's insistences until Captain Antilles noticed his presence. With grim forbearance the captain hoisted Ben to his feet and marched him from the hangar. Ben gnashed at him, reaching back for his writhing friend – _he's my friend Luke make him stop you have to fix him please! –_ until he was snatched up and swung over Antilles' shoulder.

"Let me go! Let me go! I have to be there!" _He can't die I won't let him you can't take him away from me!_

"If you were my kid, I'd never let you near Dameron again."

Steely words petrified Ben and he floundered, cold and hurting because it was true, they would never let him near Poe again, even if he did survive, because he was a monster like the pilots said and only monsters hurt their friends.

Soft cries warmed Captain Antilles' sympathy and when they reached Ben's room, he set him down gently. "Stay here," the captain ordered. "They'll call for you when it's over."

Over. Finished. They would come for him when Poe was dead, or never able to speak or swallow properly again, or never want to see Ben _if_ he was lucky enough to be sensible in his head. Tripping backwards, Ben scooted inside and watched the doors close. With a high keen he buried his face in his arms and rocked. He didn't stop until Leia came to hold him.

It was the longest twelve hours of his life.

* * *

 _(Aftermath)_

* * *

"It's gonna be a cinch," Ech'ban drawled as he leaned over Poe's chair. "They'll blast their way inside in all the fiery Resistance glory, clap Kylo Ren over the head, drag him on board, and it's back home we go. End of Kylo Ren, end of the First Order. They can't just replicate evil dark lords like clones, y'know."

Unconvinced, Finn paced. "He called me up about your jacket," he muttered, partially to Poe and more to himself. "That was my third comlink in a week. How does he get all this information? I mean, he _walked_ straight into the Resistance! Are we not taking this seriously?"

"Relax!" Ech'ban called. "He toddled in like a spiky-haired nitwit who didn't know a wrench from an electric socket. If he wanted to blow up the Resistance base, all he had to do was try to reset a toaster." He sniggered. "I would have signed under the First Order just to see that."

"Wait – you _saw_ Kylo Ren?" Finn paused mid-stride.

"I saw Matt Dem." Ech'ban shrugged. "The radar technician. He was a newbie – I was supposed to show him the ropes. How could I know the golden droid let him in?"

"That's exactly what I mean!" Finn spluttered, flinging his hands into the air. "He was – right there! How could we not have noticed a breach in the security?"

"The cameras were down," Ech'ban reminded. "He probably jammed the holorecorders beforehand."

"Ben doesn't… know anything about cameras," Poe interjected quietly. He paused, frowned intensely, and stared at the engine indicators. Something was off….

An unidentified code blinked softly. Poe hissed.

"Out. Everybody, _out_ ," he ordered, leaping from his chair.

"What? What is it?" Ech'ban wondered, even as he grabbed his helmet and blaster.

"Just go! Go, go, go!" Pushing them ahead, Poe slammed the locking sequence and flung himself down the ramp. Finn touched ground and rolled, anticipating the countdown. Ech'ban wavered and then lunged down, covering his head. Poe slammed onto his shoulder just as the cruiser exploded in a crush of heat.

Just as a flurry of black robes wound around him.

Just as the Force embraced the inferno, flaring it around the three rebels huddling in the dirt.

Just as gloved hands tucked protectively around his head, and Poe knew it was _Ben_.

"Stay down," Kylo Ren whispered, his voice hoarse and jagged. "Stay down. Stay down."

The helmet was gone.

"I'll find who did this, I swear," Kylo Ren said rapidly as flames roared around them. "It was Hux, I'm sure of it. He will pay."

"Ben?" The name fell out naturally and Poe inhaled, relishing the familiarity.

Kylo Ren froze. A feeling subtler than hope, something which had no name, murked his eyes as he raised a trembling hand and pressed it against Poe's forehead.

 _Lines of model B-wings unfurled into a cluttered room, filled with wrinkled clothes and scattered trinkets. There was no mirror – only shards of reflection – and Poe heard Leia shouting that she would remove all the mirrors in the house the next time Ben vandalized._

 _He crouched sympathetically beside Ben as the child pushed and prodded his nose, trying to wrestle it into a favorable shape. "I look abominable!" Ben wailed._

 _Acne was never much of a problem in Poe's younger years, but Ben hid in his room for weeks at a time. He tried to sneak out of the house with a respiratory mask to hide his face. Apparently Han thought it was a "Vader stage" and threw it away, and the devastated teen swore he would hide in Poe's room until his face favored him again._

 _The first time Han allowed Ben to drive the Falcon, he dragged Poe along "for damage control". Ben panicked, Poe played copilot while Han dragged the ship out of a grassy field, and Ben smashed a coolant on purpose._

 _"It's all fun and games until the kid breaks something," Han used to say – proving true in one incident five minutes later, when Ben failed in holochess and argued so violently with Chewbacca that Poe had to step between them (nearly losing an arm for his troubles)._

 _They used to lounge on their free days. Ben had a three month phase of slinging himself upside down over the couch. Poe kept a holochip of a sleeping Ben slung across the cushions, lank hair trailing into his mouth. He felt more loss for the picture than his X-wing when both were incinerated on Jakku._

 _Leia told him that a toddler Ben used to trail after R2-D2 and call him "moo-moo"._

 _Once, when Poe miscalculated his fuel reserves, he botched a landing and had to walk the last three hours back to the base. In a blizzard. When Chewbacca dragged him out of a snowdrift and Han slapped his face until he was fuzzily coherent, when he was bundled in the general's coat and lugged to the infinitely warmer hanger, he could have sworn he heard Han mutter, "He gets it from Leia's side of the family."_

 _The aftermath of pneumonia was something he had hoped to forget. Still, he gleaned one important factor – Leia couldn't cook, but she sure knew how to brew tea. ("It was easy," she told him when he asked how she managed to get the sweetness just right. "I gave the honey to Ben and left yours alone." From the way Ben was sucking on the spoon and trying to lap the bottom of his own mug, Poe guessed the tiny Jedi wished he had colds more often.)_

 _Poe and Ben used to challenge each other to a snarling contest in front of the mirror. Poe thought he could intimidate a stormtrooper. Ben laughed at him. The kid wasn't that scary, either._

 _"Ben used to have an army of stuffed toys," Han commented once. "He still has one or two hiding under the bed. He picked the eyes and nose off of his Ewok. I told Leia she was raising him wrong."_

 _Apparently, Han loved assembling models with his son. He never found time to finish a project, though. Poe started helping with the paint jobs when Ben was nine. When Han returned home unexpectedly and saw them laughing together, his cheer waned into a troubled smile. Oftentimes afterwards, Poe sensed a quiet resentment when Ben was giddy – as though Han knew he had somehow been replaced._

 _Leia urged Poe to train Ben in a flight simulator. (He suspected she was acting on Han's behalf.) It wasn't easy when Ben was more entertained by smashing his ship into the nearest star and yelling "Kabooom!"_

 _Ben was intrigued by living things. He liked to dig out crabs and pull their shells off, then watch them pitifully crawl away. When he saw Poe crush them to end their pain, he started crying._

 _After "the haircut incident", Ben triumphed in his lopsided mullet for all of two hours. Leia screamed loud enough that Han thought a mouse was loose in the apartment, Master Skywalker divebombed into the room searching for stormtroopers, and Poe whistled quietly and strolled to his X-wing. When he saw Ben next, the unfortunate child had been given a "proper" trim. Ben hid in his room until Leia - fed up with boys attempting their own manicures - ordered Poe to sit quietly while his own curls were managed. Afterwards, the comrades-in-bowl-cuts assuaged their shorn egos with canron for Ben and a frosty for Poe. They never spoke of it again - just giggled out of sight whenever Leia cornered Han with a pair of scissors and the oath to "tame the scruff out of the nerf herder"._

 _Poe had trouble sleeping on certain days. They hadn't died together. He was lying awake, head buried into the pillow, thinking of his mom when Leia quietly entered the room and shushed his roommate, bending to rest a hand against the back of Poe's neck. Her fingers massaged gently, accompanied by a ripple of the Force, and he fell asleep to memories he'd almost forgotten._

 _Han brought back memories, too, in his own powerless way. During the worst years after Kes's death, he joined Poe in the hangar late at night, a bottle of "the good stuff" and a score of old stories lightening the gloom of Poe's aloneness. One night before he walked away, he clapped Poe's shoulder and muttered gruffly, "Thanks for looking after him, kid."_

 _It seemed Leia wasn't the only one who was worried about leaving Ben without a guardian._

 _I'm a guardian,_ Poe thought, and the rush of memories whirled around the acknowledgement, swelling through him until he could have laughed and leaped and closed his hands around a star. The grief and ecstasy of his life _snicked_ into place and he broke away from the Force, pressing a hand against the side of his head as he wobbled to his feet.

Ben rose with him, looking on with vulnerable uncertainty. The fire of Leia's cruiser burned unnoticed. Poe looked past the hideous scar and into the destroyer's eyes, and saw the child who was hiding away, still mourning the absence of parents and friends.

He smiled crookedly and held out one hand.

Ben crashed into him.

Staggering, Poe coughed lightly and embraced the towering Sith. (Or was it a Jedi – he was a Jedi if he was allied with the Resistance, right? At least, that's what it was supposed to mean. The lines were harder to differentiate these days.)

Kriff, the kid was like a tree.

"This isn't fair," Poe grumbled, and it felt good to jest again. "Everyone's getting taller than me."

Ben gripped him tighter, with a sound curiously like a sob.

Finn swore.

"Poe, get down!"

There was a scuffle and another furious curse. Startled, Poe turned his head, and a muscle in his back twitched the wrong way.

His jacket tore as Ben shifted, and he knew something had gone horribly wrong.

"Poe!" Finn screamed.

Before he could finish turning, before he could fathom the wobbling in his vision, weightlessness shook through his knees. He saw fury and terror in Finn's eyes as Ech'ban supported him from behind.

 _…No… not supporting… he's holding him back… what's happening?..._

Poe stumbled and Ben held him infinitely closer.

"It's all right," Ben said, his voice hitching. "I promise there won't be any pain."

"What….?" Coldness bled into his confusion and Poe whispered, "What have you done?"

He fell against Ben and _something_ twisted inside of him, retreating with an awful squelch. Heat gushed down his back.

Pulling back his arm, Ben held out a scarlet knife. A knife with a dented, worn handle. The blade had been replaced, fixed with four inches of crooked steel.

"No!" Poe gasped, coughing as liquid flushed his throat. "No, no, no…." He clasped a hand behind him and Ben hushed, dropping to a crouch and dragging Poe with him.

"No, not this time, Poe," Ben soothed, tugging the pilot's hand away from the wound. "Please don't fight it."

"Ben!" Poe croaked, scrambling for one last attempt to _stop it, this isn't happening, it's a dream or it's not true tell me you're still in there!_

"Not Ben," his betrayer murmured. "Not anymore. You were his last weakness."

Poe's eyes widened and Ben drew back, dark eyes lancing in guilt.

"I had to draw you away," he said hastily. "I had to make myself believe I could be good, to prove that Kylo Ren was better. You were my final test." His voice wavered. "This is what you wanted, isn't it? To stand beside me and show me the way?"

 _This isn't what I wanted!_ Poe heaved a breath to shout it and curled into himself, gurgling.

Ben cringed. He looked away, diverting his attention to the knife. "I thought of using the knife I gave you – that old vibroblade. I stole it from you to prove myself, early in the game. It belonged to my father. But this…." He tossed the blade away as Poe spasmed, gritting his teeth. "This brought us together."

"Why?" Poe hissed. His gut coiled and his heart pounded as wetness pooled under him, and still there was no pain. He could feel his mind threading apart, struggling to keep him alive. " _Why?"_

Ben smiled without passion. It was nothing like his grin of the past, whenever he revealed one of his devious little schemes. There were no mouse droids to sabotage this time. "It was your destiny, of course. I used Ben's weakest moment to prove my ultimate strength. Now your work is complete. It's all right, Poe. You won't die alone."

 _I'd prefer not to die at all._ Poe tried to force the words and only a hiss spouted past his teeth. He wanted to snarl, wanted to spit upon the First Order, and he could only wheeze a sob.

"Don't be afraid," Ben said softly. Struggle writhed in his eyes, but he was fighting it down. Slowly murdering his best friend.

"M'scared," Poe gritted out. _That's what you wanted, isn't it? Cause t_ _his isn't how I planned to die!_ He wanted that last flight, that crash of glory, that crescendo of knowing he had given all for the galaxy. _Not you. Not this!_

Ben's eyes sharpened and Poe wanted to drag the sorrow out, to bring him back to the day of the Y-wing, to remind him of his fervent promise. He couldn't speak it, and he knew it wouldn't make any difference.

Ben never listened to anyone.

"It won't be long," Ben whispered. "You'll be at peace soon." His hand cupped under Poe's head, like a friend's comforting touch, and Poe couldn't restrain the moisture that squeezed under his eyelids.

"B-Ben….n-n-…."

Dimly he heard a scream. _Leia – no – !_ He tried to respond and his hearing jolted to a shrill whine. _Don't hurt her!_

He was flung to the ground and he felt the thud of another body striking the earth. At once his back plunged into agony. He arched, keening as his limbs refused to move. _Stop it… just make it stop… Stop, everyone… stop fighting…._

Shouting rose above the ringing in his ears. Leia's voice, howling again and again. One eyelid roved open and Poe saw a blur of movement, knew that it was she who raised her hand before a black flurry of robes flumped to the ground several feet away. His vision was cut off again but he wasn't scared, she was there now, lifting him up, clapping his face, her voice a frantic drone against the roar, the hand against his back only a burden as he fled the land of burning tears and sank into the pure grey of unjaded nothing.


	36. Traitor

**I apologize for the late update, and for not responding to any reviews since the previous chapter. I threatened to torment Hux with a humor chapter and he assigned me to a double-work shift, and now I have sparse time for writing. I will try to get back to everyone's reviews before I post the next chapter. For now, have another pov for the last scene.**

* * *

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* * *

Finn didn't trust _Kylo Ren_. He knew what the mask signified. Butchery. Smoke. Red streaks on a white helmet. Kylo Ren had tortured Rey. He had nearly killed Poe, for Force' sake! Why couldn't anyone get that – whoever this "Ben" was – he wasn't coming out of the First Order?

Poe was the bravest, most influential pilot Finn had ever seen, but his brain was two wires short of a hyperdrive. His loyalty and dubious choice in friendships was sometimes the only thing that kept the former FN-2187 around the Resistance, but Finn wondered if that companionability bordered on stupid. Why else would they be marshalling a rescue mission on Dantooine for a Sith lord that had just killed Han Solo? General Organa had lost her mind.

Finn wasn't sure Poe had been sane to begin with.

"Remind me again why we're going into Outer Rim territory to 'negotiate' with the First Order, right after we found out someone bugged our systems," Finn stated. He checked the safety on his blaster again, just to be sure.

"No one 'bugged' the systems," Ech'ban corrected, rolling his eyes. "The tech guy 'Matt' was a newbie, Gold Droid mixed him up with our radar technician, no one knew it was Kylo Ren until the holocams were wiped."

"So we just let him walk away? Ask for a rematch?" Finn spread his hands, urging Poe to respond. The pilot kept staring at the ship console, like he'd been for the last twenty minutes. "Our security was compromised. That's when we were supposed to evacuate – not see if Benny boy wants to come home."

"It's Ben."

Ech'ban and Finn glanced up at the mumble. Shaking himself, Poe glanced over his shoulder and shrugged. "Sorry. Mind blip."

 _And since when does Dameron apologize?_ Finn wanted to add. The whole Resistance was messed up over this Ben, and that was exactly what the First Order needed to tear them apart. _Weakness. Friendship. They drilled us for years until we learned to ignore everything that hindered the mission._ The devotion of the Resistance was their stronghold, and also their snare. They would die by the hundreds to rescue one prisoner.

Apparently they would sacrifice all for one former Jedi.

"General Organa is out there right now," Finn emphasized. "Even if she has backup, all the First Order needs to do is pick her out with a blaster scope. Does anyone else have the sense that this is a stupid plan?"

"It's gonna be a cinch," Ech'ban drawled. He leaned over Poe's chair, twiddling his fingers against the headrest. Poe remained in his thoughtful slouch, legs stretched over the console. "They'll blast their way inside in all the fiery Resistance glory, clap Kylo Ren over the head, drag him on board, and it's back home we go. End of Kylo Ren, end of the First Order. They can't just replicate evil dark lords like clones, y'know."

 _Because clearly they didn't have that much trouble after Darth Vader._ Edgy, Finn jumped to his feet and began to pace. "He called me up about your jacket," he told Poe, even though he knew the pilot wasn't hearing him. "That was my third comlink in a week. How does he get all this information? I mean, he _walked_ straight into the Resistance! Are we not taking this seriously?"

"Relax!" From the little Finn knew about Ech'ban, it was that he regarded everything as a novelty. Especially if it involved 'Kylo Ben'. Sometimes Finn wondered if the entire Resistance treated 'the kid' like a long-lost mascot.

"He toddled in like a spiky-haired nitwit who didn't know a wrench from an electric socket," Ech'ban continued. "If he wanted to blow up the Resistance base, all he had to do was try to reset a toaster." Shaking his head, Ech'ban tossed a hydrospanner and chuckled. "I would have signed up for the First Order just to see that."

Something clicked. "Wait – you _saw_ Kylo Ren?" Finn posed. _This wasn't included the report to General Organa._

"I saw Matt Dem." Ech'ban said lightly. "The radar technician. He was a newbie – I was supposed to show him the ropes. How could I know the golden droid let him in?"

"That's exactly what I mean!" How could the Resistance be so blind? "He was – right there!" No one seemed to get it. "How could we not have noticed a breach in the security?" _How many other First Order spies are burrowed in the Resistance?_ There were no spies among the stormtroopers. Order protected them from imbalance. The Resistance had no such defense.

"The cameras were down," Ech'ban excused, waving Finn aside. "He probably jammed the holorecorders beforehand."

"Ben doesn't… know anything about cameras," Poe said quietly. Ech'ban and Finn hesitated, waiting for further communication. Poe's brow furrowed as he leaned towards the viewing screen. He hissed softly and jumped to his feet. "Out. Everybody, _out_.

"What? What is it?" Ech'ban asked, nonplussed as he scooped up his helmet and blaster.

"Just go! _Go, go, go!_ "

Finn never questioned orders. He dove from the ramp, hit the ground and rolled, his spine clipping gravel, scars slowing his reflexes and pinning him even while he tried to _get up – go – run – leave it all behind –complete the mission!_ Before he could wrestle aside the First Order's training, before he could wrench past his instincts and look back to see if Poe and Ech'ban had cleared the ship, the concussion blast rammed him onto his shoulder.

"Get down!" Ech'ban hollered. Waves of fire floomed over and around them.

 _Around…._ Coughing, his back rippling in excruciation, Finn gasped. Flames surfed above him, buffeted by unseen forces.

 _How?_

Ech'ban laughed and slapped Finn's shoulderblade, yanking his arm and pointing to the side. "I told you he was just a dimwitted technician!" he shouted.

The maelstrom inaugurated from the slurry of black robes that smothered Poe, shielding him from the blast. Finn raised an arm to shade his eyes. _It can't be…!_

Kylo Ren. Murderer. Mindless destroyer. The talons of Snoke. He lay in the dirt, maskless, defenseless but for the Force, flung over the one who had destroyed his superior weapon.

 _What kind of man are you, Poe?_ Finn mused. _He killed his own father. What loyalty have you earned?_

When the heat finally swept the air clean, Finn dragged himself to his feet. The old scar flared again and his fascination plunged into unease. Suspicion clenching his gut, he snapped to face Kylo Ren and Poe. Neither had moved.

"Hold on!" Ech'ban stated, bracing a hand on Finn's shoulder to halt his shuffling. "I knew this kid once. Give 'em a moment, Finn. Something big is happening here."

 _Something big like he's probably strangling Poe._ Galvanized, Finn bit down his protests. Leia had ordered him to trust her officers.

He bent down, streaks of pain running down his legs, and shakily retrieved his blaster. Just in case.

Poe didn't exactly _stand_. He swayed and wobbled, and somehow he regained his feet. Kylo Ren rose with a little more assurance. Ech'ban punched Finn's shoulder in cheer, but to the former stormtrooper it seemed like a predatory stance. He couldn't make out the conversation.

When Kylo Ren crumpled into an untyrannical, inglorious _hug_ , Finn had to step forward and blink. Slowly. Close his eyes, reopen – the hug scene was still there.

Ech'ban laughed. "Poe's got somethin' on him, I tell ya. I shouldn't be surprised the he can still calm the kid, but then again Ben didn't used to be that ugly."

"There's something wrong here," Finn murmured, because nothing was this easy. Not with the First Order. Not with _Kylo Ren_. Even if Phasma had quietly evaluated the Sith more than she critiqued Slip, she respected his authority. She would never let him defect to the Resistance.

Sunlight flashed from Kylo Ren's glove and Finn burst forward, raising his blaster to the dark head. "Poe, get down!"

It was a trap – he'd known all along, and no one would listen. Even now Ech'ban clapped a hand on Finn's wrenched shoulder, holding him back as Poe looked behind him. Too slowly.

"Poe!"

A shade to the right. He'd fired perfectly during the training simulators in the First Order. If he aimed for the knife, risked a shot to Poe's back …

Before he could pull the trigger, bypass that deadly glint of steel, burly arms wrapped around him and yanked him down.

"What are you doing? Are you mad?" Finn howled, bucking to free himself. His blaster dropped. The silver vanished. He screamed.

"Let go! He's killing him!"

Ech'ban slung backwards, slugging Finn into his fall, twisting wires and frames and Force knows what else was holding together his wretched scars. "Stay down!"

"He had a knife!" Finn shouted. "Are you blind?"

In a wash of ice, he knew. There never was an army of spies in the Resistance. The First Order only needed one.

"You filthy traitor!" Finn gnashed. He squirmed, face lancing as his shoulders remained pinned. "You planned this!"

Ech'ban stared ahead, grim and silent. His arms quaked.

"You were his friend," Finn guessed furiously. "You betrayed him."

"The First Order is right, Finn," Ech'ban said shakily. "I had to do this. I'm sorry."

"Tell that to Poe!" Wrenching his torso, Finn snagged the blaster and rammed it into Ech'ban's jaw. Blood spattered his chin as he wriggled free, dragging himself into a crawl. He raised his blaster, silently hollering as blood spread beneath Poe's curled form.

 _One shot! That's all I need!_

His aim flew wide as Ech'ban yanked him down. The bolt pinged on a scrap of metal and hit the burning remains of General Organa's cruiser. One armored fist cracked Finn's head into the dust.

"You don't understand!" Ech'ban exclaimed, drawing back his fist to strike again. "We can't fight 'em. Kylo Ren _is_ restoring order to the galaxy. It's one pilot or the universe, Finn! Make your choice!"

"Why do you think I left?" Finn roared. He slugged both fists into Ech'ban's throat and rolled. A muscle near his spine careened and then went numb. One leg flopped uselessly in the dust.

"Kriff!" Finn bellowed, dragging himself forward. Three more feet. Four inches. The blaster was just within his reach –

He caught Ech'ban's foot before the pilot could smash in his face. Enraged, Finn clapped the ankle between both hands, twisted, and yanked. Ech'ban screeched, and as he fell Finn kicked smashed his good foot into the traitor's eye. _No more delays._

He raised the blaster and aimed, only for the weapon to be torn out of his hands. "No!" the scream tore his throat and he flung himself at the assailant. A yelp responded – too young to be Ech'ban's voice. Aghast, Finn scrambled as he was pulled away from Lieutenant Connix.

"Finn, stop fighting us!" commanded the soldier holding his arms. "Force, you almost shot the general!"

 _General Organa…_ Gasping, Finn rolled to his hands and knees and scanned the chaos.

Two of the Resistance soldiers were buckling Ech'ban into restraints.

Another leaned over Kylo Ren, pinning his head while a third stabbed a hyposyringe into his neck.

Finn looked forward, choked, and beckoned for Lieutenant Connix to pull him alongside the stained brown jacket. _No. No, no, no, no, no._

General Organa had drawn Poe into her arms, pillowing the dark head as she leaned over him. Wrinkled hands were braced against the wound. Her eyes were closed, her visage ashen as the pilot's, her brow creased in fervor.

"Poe!" Finn staggered away from the lieutenant and hobbled the last few feet, dropping at Poe's side. Snap trotted up and crouched beside Leia, shaking her gently.

"General Organa?"

She shoved him away.

"Medic," Leia croaked. She pressed deeper, crimson bubbling over her fingers. "Hurry."

"Let me help," Finn pleaded as Snap bolted, shouting for a response team.

Shivering, Leia shook her head. "I can... stop this…." Her hand rippled and Finn leaned back, swallowing in acceptance.

The Force. If she couldn't save Poe, no one could.

"The bastard," he cursed softly, glowering at Kylo Ren's motionless form. "I should have been there."

"Stop blaming yourself and shut up," Leia murmured.

Finn was good with orders. Orders had preserved him during the countless training drills as a stormtrooper. The commanders knew what they were doing.

Orders might well have killed his best friend.

Helpless, Finn pounded the dust. Leia grunted agitatedly and he reigned himself in. _Don't think about it now,_ Finn commanded. _Be there. Poe needs you._

No. Poe had needed him before, when he was vulnerable and uncertain about the dark lord whom everyone referred to as 'the brat'. Poe had needed him when he was wavering after the explosion, three seconds before Ech'ban could have intervened. Finn should have blasted Kylo Ren's skull the moment the traitor stood.

Clasping the pilot's greying hand, Finn lowered his head against his fist and sobbed. He wasn't strong enough for this. Not with Slick, not with Rey, not even with Poe's stupid droid. _They told me the First Order would restore peace the galaxy. They never told me what they would take instead._

He dug his fingers in gently, concentrating on the fleeting pulse. Thready, eccentric beats tapped his fingers. Two seconds paused between beats. Four.

He could barely feel anything.

Leia flung her head back and screamed for the medics. Too late, they appeared in Finn's peripheral vision, scattering equipment with professional urgency. He raged at them for taking so long.

Too long.

Lifting Poe against her, Leia tucked the dark curls against her shoulder and buried her face in them, silent tears dripping onto the pilot's cheeks. Finn gripped Poe's wrist and shouted obscenities, ordering him to snap out of it.

Panic calmed him, drained him, left him sunken as the medics pushed him away. He settled back with his head buried in his hands. Coldness birthed in his chest and he knew it would never fade.

He was three seconds too late.


	37. Alone

**I've reached the point where I have to make a choice: either respond to reviews (eventually), or finish the story. I appreciate your feedback so much, especially with this crazy schedule, but if y'all can't review without a response that's okay. Thank you for sticking with the story.**

* * *

They wouldn't proclaim the time of death, Finn told Rey later. They just jammed Poe with wires and machinery until he looked like a motorized corpse, forced to breathe when there was no pulse, no brain activity, no chance for survival.

"He was dead," Finn choked, shaken and shivering and so much more vulnerable than Rey had expressed when her friends were threatened. Now she felt cruel for her calmness when Finn had been injured. "I couldn't leave him that way, but … I just wanted them to _leave him alone_."

"You did everything you could." Rey patted his shoulder, trying to say the right things that Leia had said to her after Han was murdered. "It wasn't your fault."

"Don't say that – don't kriffing say that!" Finn's intensity startled her and she snatched her hand away. "I knew Kylo Ren wasn't trustworthy. I could have said _anything_ and none of this would have happened!"

Rey thought they were fortunate that Luke had returned with her on this occasion. He said it was "a feeling" that prodded him to leave, which meant that the Force was somehow involved. She didn't really care. All that mattered was that Kylo Ren was in custody, Poe was unresponsive even after a second blood transfusion, and Luke was there to help.

He had shown her how to cup her hands around Poe's head, imagining the life force and coaxing it to thrive. She had been terrified, thinking of that wavering heartbeat forced by machines, and how much depended on her attentiveness. Luke had delved into the core of the wound, employing techniques that Rey couldn't hope to learn even if she trained for years. His face strained and sweat dripped from his chin. Rey imagined that her heartbeat fluttered as much as Poe's – flightless and frightened like a bird with a broken wing. When Finn had been injured, she had trusted the medics to heal him. Now she was the one responsible for life and it was _Poe_ who depended on her.

"Concentrate, Rey." Luke had unlatched from his Force-stupor for two words. Two words that implied it would be her fault if Poe died. Her fault if she let go before he was healed.

Finn was erratic after he returned. Rey felt like she deserved comfort, too. She hadn't waited for news on whether or not Poe would die, accepting fate as it was determined. She had stood for hours, bent over a ghostlike face, pleading with him to stay long enough for Luke to fix everything. She was trembling, too. She wanted someone to hold her for a change.

Luke had gone to Leia afterwards. While Rey slouched beside Poe's bunk, listening to Finn mutter apologies and oaths of payback, she heard the siblings reunite after years of silence. Finn startled more than once, looking anxiously at the door. Rey wondered how long the general had been holding herself back.

A quiet wind, Luke calmed and coaxed in the same voice that soothed Rey whenever she was frustrated. Leia cursed and screamed, sobbing and ranting in turn. Finn jumped when something heavy clanged against the wall. They could hear _everything_. Accusations and regrets, and the constant charge of "Where were you?"

Luke placated, and Leia cut him down. "Force, Luke! You trained him, and I had to be the one to lock him away!"

Kylo Ren. Poe. The asteroid fields of the Republic. All of it was Luke's fault. When Leia ran out of strength she wept, screaming wordless reflections of grief. Rey couldn't bear to listen, and yet she couldn't leave. She gripped Poe's hand and whispered for him to wake up and make everything right. People listened to Poe. When Poe was present, everyone seemed a little brighter – a little more friendly.

Whenever Rey needed comfort, Poe was there. It wasn't fair that everyone else had a friend when Poe was injured, and she was left alone.

Metal rolled and tinkered, and a cylinder weighed heavily against Rey's thigh. Looking down, she smiled faintly and rubbed BB-8's dome.

"I suppose we're alone together?" she whispered.

BB-8 seemed to sigh, and wiggled in closer. Rey had the impression that she would have wrapped a blanket around the droid if she wasn't so cold herself. She continued stroking the polished dome, modified and cared for by a pilot who thought droids were as sentimental as humanoids, and silently promised Poe that she would look after his friend.

She didn't plead with the Force like Finn did. Death always stole someone precious before the end.


	38. Only One Returns

_(Before Kylo Ren)_ _(Ben is ... ? ? ? years old)_

* * *

It was hard to miss the collapse of the new Jedi Order. Poe suspected that Leia would have tried to hide it from him for as long as possible, but the holonet was rampart. He'd been tinkering with an Alderaan cruiser model that he had found in an antique shop, pondering giving it to Ben as a "sorry can we be friends again" present for his next birthday, when the transmission fizzed and an "urgent message" sprang into view.

At first Poe thought it was a relay of the old drills from the Empire and the Rebellion. They still liked to replay footage on the anniversary of the Death Star's destruction. When the dark figure turned, flanked by soldiers armored in white, the Alderaan cruiser cracked on the floor. Poe kicked the pieces aside in his scramble.

 _It's not – no, it can't be – Ben, what are you doing?_

He clung to the desk, knees quaking and eyes flickering in synchronization with the hologram. Images replayed in the background. Recordings. Children and elders with swords of blue and green light, massacred by an army of stormtroopers.

"Ben!" Poe choked when he saw him in the midst of them. He couldn't be dead – not with all of them – he had to have escaped.

The holoimage returned to the dark figure, who flung off a plated steel mask. Poe's lungs ached and he sucked in a reedy, pent gasp.

"My name is Kylo Ren…." The figure spoke and Poe flung his tool chest aside, searching the mess for his comlink. "The Jedi are no more. I have established an order of armistice between the New Republic and the Imperial …."

"Ben!" Poe exclaimed into the comlink, begging his friend to answer. _"Ben!"_

The boy in the dark cloak was older. A mane of black air haloed piercing, insensitive eyes. He was Ben Solo, and everything that denied the kid Poe knew.

"Ben!" Poe shouted, gasping a sob when the drone persisted. _No… no, please no…._

Hours later he switched off the holonet. His feet ached from pacing. His comlink was glitching, flung against the wall and retrieved, only to be thrown aside again and again. He sank into the chair and dragged his hands through his hair.

His eyes fell on the Alderaan cruiser.

Rising swiftly, Poe kicked it across the room and grabbed his jacket.

When he returned late the next day, with an empty fuel tank and a heart that still ached, Leia pulled him aside.

"I would have told you…"

Her condolences and shared pain did nothing to assuage him. He returned to his room in a daze, scanning the bunk and the storage compartments without seeing anything. A strange thought made him wonder if Ben's room still looked the same as when he was fourteen. Whirling, he smashed his knife against the wall.

His own irrationality stopped him short and he stood in the middle of his room, gasping. Shakily Poe stooped and retrieved the blade, folding it gently and returning it to his pocket. There would be another dent in the handle if he wasn't careful.

Memories swarmed his mind and he pressed a fist against his mouth until his lips ground against his teeth. _He didn't do it. Not Ben. It wasn't him._

 _Ben._

When Han left without warning, Poe felt another piece of his former life break away.

When he wandered into the dining hall the next day and Jessika ordered canron, he shoved his untouched plate over to Ech'ban and walked out.

He didn't return for years.

As it turned out, the Republic needed pilots as much as the burgeoning Resistance. He could defend them without being assuaged by memories. The Rapiers were just as imperative to General Solo as a solo pilot in her army.

Maybe he was doing Leia a favor. He'd already messed up with Ben enough that it was hard to tell the difference anymore.

Sometimes it was harder to pick up the pieces and keep moving forward, than to simply look ahead and forget.

* * *

 _(Aftermath)_

* * *

 _He saw Rey turn away, hazel eyes parched with reproach as he reached for a dark-eyed stranger. The black robe slipped from his hands._

 _A model AT-AT veered across the table, accompanied by a child's "vroooom!"_

 _He saw BB-8 wobble uneasily, and then totter away. His knees cracked on Dantooine sand as he cried out for his buddy to return._

 _A few weeks after Ben stomped out of his room in disappointment, Poe found a painted helmet in the trash compacter. The white grooves in the mask still unnerved him._

 _He saw General Organa standing in the distance, pressing her fist against her mouth. Before he could turn he felt cold heat split his back, and Leia knelt to scoop up the black cloak._

 _Three lightsabers were scrapped within a month. According to Ben, it wasn't right if it wasn't perfect._

 _He saw Finn stare at him incredulously, before the former stormtrooper flung his blaster into the dust. He tried to reason, tried to understand it for himself, but he was left standing alone amidst the dunes._

 _Han used to corral Poe and Ben together before 'family outings'. He had funny sayings, like "Until I get a tracker on you, kid, you're staying with us". Often Poe wondered if that meant something to him, or if Han was just kidding around like he did with Master Skywalker._

 _He saw a rough pilot's jacket and brown hair sifted with grey, with a lined face energetic with compassion, and then an old man who tried to figure out why he was so composed. The Resistance base bled into plains of grit and Han waved him off before vanishing in a sand storm._

 _Leia was a terrible cook. Her favorite Alderaan attempt was a gooey, vanilla flavored pastry that always turned out half-unbaked. Ben smothered it in cream and picked at the lumps. Choking it down wasn't ever as bad as Poe expected – somehow Leia's relieved smile made everything taste decent._

 _He bowed his head, accepting the shame of his failure. Luke ponderously shook his head as the electricity flickered behind him. He left Poe in the dark, with a black cloak bunched in his hands._

 _Chewbacca used to ruffle his hair until he felt dizzy – it noticeably gentled after the first concussion. The Wookie was there after Poe's first flight nearly a year after the Y-wing Incident. He didn't wait for Poe's wobbly legs to manage the X-wing ladder – just lifted him up by his collar and set him down like a tilted mooka. Poe didn't have the dignity to gripe; he was too happy that he reached the bottom without toppling in front of Ben (again)._

 _He stepped towards Chewbacca anxiously, hoping that out of all of them, the Wookie would understand. With a low rumble of confusion Chewie lowered his bowcaster and shuffled back. Frustrated, Poe shouted at him to listen. He clawed his hands through his hair as Chewbacca drew away, voicing hurt. He was left alone by the burning heap of his general's command ship, a black cloak rumpled by his feet._

 _Ech'ban and Jess always teased when Poe was called on "babysitter duty". One evening a week it seemed, and sometimes every other afternoon, Leia offered an embarrassed smile while Ben marched Poe into his room, where he emphatically demonstrated his "important words" while they discussed lightsabers or holochess tactics or whether or not tauntauns were really immune to frost._

 _He gave up trying, just stood there as Jess squeezed his hand and then drifted away. Snap 't'ched' and followed her. They had sworn they would follow him anywhere. All that was left was a swathe of black in his hands, and that too was stained._

He felt pain in his back. Deep into his lungs; it hurt to breathe. He heard voices calling, but surely they had all left him in the folds of the black cloak.

 _He saw Ben, whispered his name, and almost cried out when Ben stepped forward and pulled the cloak away, gripping his hand._

 _"I promise it won't hurt."_

 _He heard the whisper, and felt lies twist through his back. He fell, pillowed against Kylo Ren, his last touch and the cruelest embrace._

 _"Don't be afraid…."_

 _He wasn't. It was easier to let go after the sands of betrayal swallowed his last friend._

* * *

He let go, but he wasn't released.

He woke trying to swallow, tubes squeaking in his throat, hands flailing for something to grasp, tears breaking out of eyes that itched and stung. He arched and the movement burned deep in his back. Too much stimulation. He whimpered, gagging, screaming for someone to appear and make everything stop. His hand flopped against another and suddenly it was pulled down, words clattering as a dark face blurred above him.

He tried to answer and choked.

"No, no! Poe, stop – it's okay – the droid is gonna give you something for the pain. It's going to be fine – _Dang it – Kriff_ – what's taking that droid so long? Poe, listen, it's a breathing tube. Just relax and it won't feel so cramped. They forced one on me, remember? It's not fun when you yank it out of your nose, so don't try it. It hurts. Like, a lot."

Babbling. Involuntary tears washed out the irritating substance that was gumming his eyes, and he finally saw Finn. He shut his eyes again. So many useless gestures whenever Finn was talking. It was dizzying sometimes, kind of like Ben when the teenager used to demonstrate how the Solos' favorite little brown-haired girl walked when she was exclaiming over 'fowers' and 'beebee' and every 'pwetty' thing she saw, from Ben's hair to Luke's 'boo blade'.

But no, the images smarted his eyes again, and he clung to Finn's hand to ground himself as fresh wounds opened. Ben with a knife. _His_ knife. Ech'ban holding Finn down.

"Poe, it's okay. You hear me? It's okay. You're going to be fine. We got you."

Finn would be good for Rey, if he knew half a page about hydrospanners. He'd make a better medical droid, come to think of it. Less jabbing of sharp objects, more comfort. Poe was tired of people stabbing him.

He tried to speak, managed a horrible sound, and sighed when Finn looked over his shoulder. "Uh, yeah, she's in the 'fresher. I mean Rey – that's who you wanted, right?"

He wanted _answers_ , but he wasn't going to be given them now. Beeping drew Finn's attention to the ground. With an uncertain grimace the former stormtrooper rose, stooped, and grunted as he hauled a bobbing orange and white droid into his chair. BB-8 shrieked in delight and launched into a series of dreebles that skirted Poe's dictionary. He trailed a finger along the battered dome and blinked twice.

 _Hey, buddy._

"I think Rey should be done soon," Finn said apologetically. He paused and shook his head. "This is really awkward."

 _Yeah._ Poe agreed. _Drifting now…._

He woke again to Rey's sharp tones. "I can't believe they're letting him live. Who's to say he won't escape and kill someone else?"

Finn cleared his throat and Rey looked to Poe, her mouth falling in a soft 'oh'.

"We were worried," she said in a rush. "You were feverish, even after Master Luke stopped the wound. We thought you would die."

 _Your bedside conversation is always encouraging,_ Poe thought, while Finn rubbed a hand over his face.

"Yeah, I think he gets that," Finn muttered.

"I'm glad you're awake," Rey countered. She smiled, reached out, and haltingly brushed Poe's hair.

 _Right gesture_ , he wanted to encourage. Baby steps for the Jakku native.

"We were worried," Rey tried again.

"General Organa's been checking in every hour," Finn intercepted. "She can't stay, but if you hold on a little longer we can….."

He woke again and the tube was gone, and his throat felt as though a rancor had slashed him down to the lungs. He looked to the side, hoping someone had left a glass of water and maybe he could lift his hand far enough to tip it onto his face. He stilled when he saw the bowed shoulders, the lined face, the greying hair falling out of its rigid style. She looked so worn, even while sleeping, and he tried to tell her that it was okay, that she didn't have to worry about him, that he was going to heal and be flying soon and he'd be more careful next time, but he could only snag a finger in the cloth of her sleeve. She didn't stir, and he couldn't fight any longer.

When he woke again, it was to the sound of his name.

"Enough lazing around, Dameron. I haven't spent half a lifetime down here to watch you snore while my soldiers work the double night shift."

He obeyed, and tears accompanied Leia's smile as she smoothed a hand through his hair. "Welcome back, Poe."

He finally had the strength to ask, and he wouldn't. She didn't need to tell him.

Once, long ago, General Leia Organa Solo had loved two sons.

Both were lost.

Only one had returned to her.


	39. I Remember You, But I Am Still Alone

_(Before Kylo Ren) (Tag to Chapter 15) (Ben is 13)_

* * *

He had never felt more scared.

Stun-cuffs pinned his arms in front. His head felt fuzzy and heavy, like the afternoon when Poe had left the stupid blue drink out.

He was angry. So angry he wanted to grip the swine female's head with the Force and burst it in a shower of blood.

But he couldn't.

Because he was terrified.

"Poe!" Ben's voice cracked and he coughed before shouting, "Poe!"

Brown eyes cracked open and Ben wasn't crying, he never cried, he just felt so good that Poe wasn't dead after all, because they'd slung him around when he wasn't supposed to be _moving_ at all and that was bad for a head injury, wasn't it?

"Poe!" Ben screeched when the slit of brown closed _. No, don't fall asleep, you can't you just moved too much and you could die and –_ "Poe Dameron, open your eyes right now!"

Poe mumbled, turned his head, and garbled some stupid apology. Ben wanted to laugh and his throat betrayed him. "Poe!" he exclaimed again, too relieved to care that he sounded pathetic.

Coherency gleamed in an amber thread and Poe muttered, "D'I fall down?"

The memory of Poe's eyes blanking as he fell forward, as Ben tried to catch him, as the sun shone on that innocent, hateful bench in front of the medical wing, as they were both dragged away while Poe was helpless and Ben couldn't scream – he forced his dismay into a passionate rebuke. "You didn't fall, you fool! We were both captured!"

He didn't need to be angry with Poe. He couldn't be. Bad things happened whenever….

 _Stop! Stop!_ Keening softly, Ben squeezed his eyes shut. _I can't – It doesn't matter!_

Poe started babbling about silly games, and it was so easy for Ben to morph his pain into fury before it became tears. "I'm not playing, Poe!"

He wanted to shake Dameron for being such a fool, but that would move his head too suddenly and – _Force_ , what if he was already permanently injured and Ben was only aggravating him more? (Aggravation was the right word, wasn't it? He needed Poe's help to know for sure. _Don't die, don't die, please – you're still so important._ )

A horrible moan clawed Ben from his frantic thoughts, and he whimpered as ash whitened Poe's face. Crawling, sniffling, telling himself he was braver than this, he wriggled to his friend's side and tapped a hand against Poe's cheek. _Soft and nice, like Mother does it. So you have to pay attention to me now, 'cause you listen whenever she touches you._

"P-Poe," Ben insisted waveringly. "Just don't fall asleep. Promise, Poe!" _I keep my promises – you have to, too. You can't back out on this one!_

"Kay…." Poe muttered. He was fading. _No, no, no, Poe!_

Ben grabbed Dameron's sleeve, yanking on him, hurting him to make him stay awake. _I'm sorry, I'm sorry!_ "I – I think Luke knows we're in danger." _I'm sorry, please don't go!_ "He'll be here!" _Don't give up you never give up!_ "Just hang on!" _Please, please Poe, don't leave me!_

"Kay…." Poe's voice was solid and comforting, even while he was the one hurting and Ben was the one telling him to hold on. "Calm down, Ben. S'okay…."

 _Okay. It's okay. But don't die! You can't! It won't ever be okay if you're gone!_

"Contact Luke," Poe mumbled, and Ben found his clarity again.

 _"Look for the Force like a bright star,"_ Mother always told him. _"When you find your Uncle Luke's star, just tap him. He'll find you."_

He reached out, imagining Poe's courage, and found only swirls of confusion in his head. No stars. No bright lights to show him his family. _Mother, you're wrong!_

He sobbed and reached deeper, thrusting aside misted uncertainties and ashen clouds. A feeble light glowed, so far away he could barely brush his finger against it. _Uncle!_

Somehow he was heard. A strand of light tingled back before he fell away, sucked back into the worried tides. Crying out, Ben cradled his head in his hands. _What's wrong with me?_

"I…." He had to breathe slowly, wiping away the droplet that streaked down his chin. "I think it worked? I mean, I can sense the Force – I think it reached him."

Poe murmured, and his head lolled in Ben's lap. "Falling 'sleep now…. Wake up soon…."

"Poe, no!" Ben screamed, leaning over his friend. Dark eyes closed and he reached down, hesitated, and shouted again, "Dameron, don't you dare!" Panic shivered in his hands. "I'll tell mother you're disobeying the medical droid. I'll – I'll – " He sobbed in regret, babbled an apology, and carefully wobbled Poe's head. "Poe, wake up! You can't sleep now, Poe! _Poe!_ "

There was no response, except for his own sobs. _I'm sorry I'm sorry it's all my fault if I hadn't hurt you this never would have happened it's all my fault there's something evil in me and I hate it and you aren't there to stop me and I need you Poe, don't go!_

"Poe….."

* * *

When the Gamorrean kicked Poe away, Ben clawed at the red haze. When the bounty hunters tore him away, he fought back.

When a blaster jammed against Poe's head, he screamed. Over and over, in terror and defiance, until his voice jarred and faded and a grimy hand clamped over his mouth.

He screamed inside then, tears leaking over the hand, and he could not reach the Force.

Fear kept him from saving his friend.

 _Don't kill him – please – I can't – Luke where are you – you promised you would be there – Mom, help! Why aren't you here? Father!_

Metal bore into his head and he sobbed. _Please don't – don't – don't I don't want to – please, don't hurt Poe – Father, Uncle Chewie, someone please come please I'm sorry just please be here now!_

He heard the click of a blaster trigger and wondered how much it would hurt to die. How long before –

Before his mind formed the words, color burst through the doors and a flash of green soldered the barrel behind his head. He looked behind him and saw furious blue eyes. Eyes that glowed with power and surety as a lightsaber severed the lives of his captors. He saw Master Skywalker and knew that one day, he could also be a great Jedi. No one would ever hurt him or Poe again.

When he saw his parents, he writhed and hollered, surging to escape the maimed corpses. Leia yanked him away and he fell against her, clinging to her with filthy, blood-speckled fingers. She held him without condemnation, like she did when Ben first realized he was a monster.

But it was Poe whom Han ran to. _Poe_ whose name was shouted in the filthy crypt of durasteel walls.

In that instant, cradled in his mother's arms, Ben knew he would always fail. No matter how great a Jedi he became. No matter how hard he tried.

He would never be good enough.

* * *

 _(Aftermath)_

* * *

When Poe had the strength to stand, he went down to the containment cells alone. He didn't tell Leia.

"I'm sorry," Jess had whispered when he asked about Ech'ban.

The execution had been prompt. A soldier of the Resistance had sabotaged the general's battleship and delivered his comrades to the First Order. Deceit of this kind was unforgiveable.

Some special cases were left unpunished.

Ben had always been a special case.

"I'll leave the door unlocked," the guard told Poe as he released the doors. "You will be monitored. We aren't taking any chances."

The fact that he was permitted entrance was a blunder to Poe's advantage. Had General Organa known what he was doing, he wouldn't have made it past the first gates.

The illumination of the Resistance cells was almost too painful. Poe raised an arm to shield his eyes, and his back twinged. He didn't need another reminder that there was no sense pitying those who were interrogated within these halls.

He looked to the filthy mop of black robes, and he couldn't feel regret. _You were once my friend…?_

He wasn't sure of anything now.

Kylo Ren sullenly raised his eyes, dark and barren against the garish lance of his scarred face. He shifted, unthreatening in the binds of a straightjacket. "Come here to gloat?"

Dazed, Poe leaned against the wall. He couldn't remember why he came. "Not really."

The former Jedi scoffed. "Your vocabulary has hardly improved."

"And yours is still erroneous," Poe retorted on instinct. He felt homesick, but the thought was immediately quenched with pain.

Silence brooded. Uncomfortably Kylo Ren wriggled to put his other shoulder against the wall. "You're here to conduct my next interrogation, I presume."

Another pause. Poe shook his head.

"Then _why_ are you here?" Kylo Ren lashed.

"… I don't know," Poe admitted, leaning heavily against the door. He didn't know. Ben had taken everything, shredded it, restored him, and still betrayed him. He had no reason to stay.

"Maybe Finn's right," Poe said in a sigh. "I'm too gullible." _Too forgiving. Too tarnished by hope._

Kylo Ren snorted. "You would still fall under a knife for me."

"No." He said it quickly, and he knew every word deep in his soul. "I'd stop you." _This time._ "That's why you're here."

"Afraid of a Force ghost?" Kylo Ren sneered.

"Afraid of what you could become," Poe retorted. "After death. Your influence wouldn't stop there." _You won't be haunting Rey, or Finn. I'll protect them from you._

Dark eyes shifted uneasily. "So I'm to be caged," Kylo Ren asserted quietly. "Locked away until my bones testify my past."

Poe didn't answer.

"I suppose Mother told you to speak to me," Kylo Ren surmised.

"Leave her out of this." Finally he was angry enough to break out the numbness, if only for an instant.

Memories followed.

B-wings and canron.

Poe raised his fist, swung it, and then rested it lightly against the wall. Turning away, he murmured, "It didn't have to be this way."

He rapped on the wall, signaling to the guard that he wanted to be let out. For the last time.

In his mind, Ben Solo was still fourteen. Still complaining about tookas. Part of the past.

Murdered by Kylo Ren.

As he passed through the door, he heard the traitor call.

So soft, he almost missed the whisper.

 _"Dameron, wait…."_

* * *

 _._

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END

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 **That is officially the finale. Thank you to everyone who kept up with the story up to this point, especially those who have been reviewing since the beginning. Your feedback was invaluable.**

 **I still have all prompts saved for oneshots when my timeline permits. (Hey, there's still two movies ahead! Gotta be some time to squeeze in a few lil!Ben scenarios here and there.) ;) I will continue to collect prompts with the hopes of writing more about Ben and Poe in the future.**

 **Again, thank you to all critics and reviewers. Your comments are my inspiration.**

 **\- Neocolai**


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